'AITA for feeling hurt that my ex husband went NC with our daughter due to his wife?'
"AITA for feeling hurt that my ex husband went NC with our daughter due to his wife?"
Throwaway account, My ex and I broke up due to his cheating, he then ended up cheating on his affair partner, went to therapy and was single and then later he met his current wife ( not the homewrecker).
My daughter was 15 by then, she and her stepmom didn't get along, according to my daughters stepmom she was a “mini wife” if you don't know what that means, check out the facebook page dedicated to stepmoms complaining about their stepdaughters.
They would go on vacations and she would get angry that my ex would buy my daughter the same jewelry as her because there are “other” ways of showing a daughter that they are loved that doesn't involve buying the same things she ( stepmom) gets from my ex.
My daughter would tell me that she felt like an outsider at their place and that she felt like an intruder, i tried reassuring her and even put her in therapy due to that. My daughter's stepmom ended up stopping every and all relationship with our daughter and left her for my ex.
According to my daughter and my ex she would treat our daughter with basic courtesy but wanted nothing more to do with our daughter. I want to make it clear that i have no problem with my ex husbands wife.
We are not friends and she doesn't want to be my friend because she wants nothing to do with my daughter and is letting my ex and i handle our co parenting relationship witch i respect.
My ex and his wife have kids together, my daughter and her had a fight due to my daughter not doing her chores. According to my daughter she was going to do it later but wanted to finish talking to her friends first.
Her stepmom then went into her room and started tearing down all of her things and throwing her clothes on the floor, all while telling my daughter to get out of the house.
My ex and his wife are very well off so she broke some of the things her dad had given her that were very expensive. Her siblings were at home while this was happening. My daughter called me and my ex and my ex told her to come to my place while he “dealt” with his wife.
A day after that he sent a message to my daughter saying that this “situation” wasn't working anymore and that he needs to put his wife first, and that if she's feeling disrespected or having anxiety when ever our daughter comes around then she's toxic ( our daughter).
My daughter turned 18 around that time so it was easier for my ex to stop all contact with her. My daughter has tried reaching out to her dad. I don't want to get involved but I also think my ex was too harsh.
I actually also suspect they were looking for a “reason” to stop contact with my daughter.They live in another city and i just found out from my ex husbands parents that they are moving away.
This entire situation happened several months ago, there has been NC between any of them and my ex told me that if our daughter didnt stop sending him messages he would try to get a restraining order and that she was out of his will. AITA for feeling like they were to harsh.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA. You’re allowed to feel hurt. From what you wrote, your ex’s actions seem really harsh and unfair to your daughter. It’s normal to feel upset about that.
NTA your ex is throwing away his relationship with his daughter. His current wife needs counseling.
A restraining order on an 18 year old who is his daughter and is just texting him to talk to him is absolutely insane and toxic. I can’t imagine that going well in court either. You are totally right in feeling hurt and like this was an excuse to “drop” your daughter because that’s exactly what this was.
NTA, please support your daughter through this time. Tell her this is not her fault it’s that her father. Her father is a dingbat and tell her to invest in any other male relatives. My Dad was my maternal grandfather. Also tell her she will hear from her Dad again when he hears she gets married or has kids.
He will tell her to forget the past and just sit back and laugh. My father was a bad seed even to his newer wives and kids and he is alone and I just hang up when he calls demanding I his daughter do my duty to care for him. Just support her. Tell her it isn’t her fault her Dad is AH.
Your both might one day realize what a blessing it is/was that he went NC. In years to come he'll probably try to come back. I hope she says no.
Fun_Change5091 (OP)
I know he wont come back, he's good at going NC, he has two other daughters, someone here mentioned that he will try to walk her down the aisle, he made it a point to say that he had two other daughters and for her not to contact him, he's very good at holding grudges but I never thought he would do it to his own daughter.
Document everything, and seek damages for the thing that SM destroyed. Have daughter send one last communication to her father (and copyin any family necessary) letting him know that she understands that he has severed relations with her due to his wives insecurity and jealousy, and that is his choice to make, but that he needs to understand that it is permanent.
That when he wakes up one day and regrests it, do not contack her and tell her he was sorry and that he has changed. his choice that he is makingnow is permanent. And make sure all of his family knows this. Then get her into therapy and help her move on without him.
Fun_Change5091 (OP)
his family already knows what happened, we tried seeking damages for the things her stepmom destroyed but it came know where. He told my daughter not to contact him, i'm sure if he had two sons he would have probably regretted not having contact with her, I dont think I mentioned it but he removed her from his will too.
NTA- your ex is a POS. I would encourage your daughter to go to therapy after this, she’s gonna need to heal from this rejection, but she doesn’t need people like that in her life. She has you to love her twice as hard!