'My ex-husband’s new GF wants family to cut all contact with me. AITA?' UPDATED
"Ex husband’s new GF wants family to cut all contact with me. AITA?"
So I’m divorced. I will freely admit that I’m most at fault for the divorce. I never should have been married but hindsight is 20/20 as they say. My own family is a s--t show and a half. I’ve known my ex’s family for the majority of my life.
When we split up, some of his family has kept in contact with me, including his mom and one of his sisters. It’s nothing crazy, but we grab a drink from time to time and his mom just checks in to see how I’m doing. Knowing how my family is, she worries about me even though I tell her not to. We split a few years ago and the divorce was final more than a year and a half ago.
Despite me being TA in my marriage, my ex doesn’t have any crazy bitterness and we have a decent relationship now. In the years since we split, he’s never had an issue with his family staying in contact with me. I know for sure because I’ve asked. Enter new GF. They’ve been together for 6 months or so. She’s 27 and he’s sneaking up on 40.
Not that big of a deal, but she’s not a fan of the fact that he’s been married before. (Actually I’m the second ex-wife). As they’ve gotten more serious, she’s taken extreme exception to the fact that his mom and sister in particular still keep in contact with me. I’m petty and laughed my ass off the first time she came at me about it all.
Privately I talked with his mom and sister though and told them I totally understand if they need to cut contact to keep the peace. They assured me that they do what they want to do and not what the girlfriend of a hot minute demands. Since I am still in contact with them, she’s taken the mature approach of posting all my misdeeds on social media. Some of which have impacts on people that don’t deserve it.
Well maybe deserve it a little but in any case, it’s rocking a lot of boats. Three weeks ago, I was out with friends at a bar. New GF was there with the ex. She was livid and demanded I leave immediately. I gave the appropriate response and laughed, turned around and continued my conversation. She proceeded to hit me from behind and smashed my head into the bar top.
I lost consciousness for a few and when I came to, she was being pulled away and c*ps were being called. I declined charges at the time but was told if I change my mind to contact them. So…since she’s being petty and posting everything about me, I’m thinking maybe those charges sound a whole lot better.
My ex is begging me not to, saying he will rein her in and get her to stop, but man, I want to pull the trigger now and just do it. As I’ve admitted, I’m not the good guy in this story. But AITA if I do file charges against this girl?
The internet did not hold back one bit.
Steampunkharley wrote:
Press charges for sure.
Facebook won't do much, but you can print them out to show a pattern of aggression with her. It'll reinforce the assault charge and might get you a restraining order against her.
OP responded:
Even if what she’s posting is the truth? She’s not posting lies. But all the same, it’s things from years ago and causing a lot of undue stress for people, including me.
peaceisthe wrote:
Husband has really not upgraded his game - he really needs therapy to stop with the toxic women.
OP responded:
lol…I’m pretty sure I told him this exact thing after the incident.
Conscious-Event-9368 wrote:
Your ex husband here is kinda hilarious. I’m imagining he’s standing in front of you, with you having the biggest black eye from getting your face smashed into the table by her, and having the audacity to basically say, “I can fix her."
OP responded:
This makes me smile because it is kinda like him. Imagine a hot massive 6’4 former football player with the softest heart ever. He sees the best in everyone to his own detriment. He’s really a great guy and deserves so much better. I don’t know this girls story but it’s a safe bet he thinks he can fix her too.
b-tchee62 wrote:
As the ex mother-in-law of a daughter-in-law, I adore actually two of them. F-k that new girlfriend! I had one come at me with "how dare you keep in touch with the ex wife!" I had to explain to her that it's none of her business who I talk to or have a meal with and she needed to mind her business.
OP responded:
Thanks for this. My ex MIL is one of the best humans. She’s long been the mother I always wished I had. Even when I was TA, she called me on it but still cared. I’ve told her and my ex that I understand and will bow out at any time but she’s still there for me.
b-tchee62 responded:
Don't bow out unless SHE asks you to. One of my beautiful ex daughter-in-laws stopped contacting us because it was too hard for her and I miss her still. I understand why she did it and it was best for her but I will miss her the rest of my life. So don't give in to a crazy jealous girlfriend of 6 months! This ex mom in law wishes you the best in your life sweetheart.
OP responded:
Thank you 💕 This hits home for me.
Rowana133 wrote:
NTA. Always press charges against the psycho who assaults you regardless of any drama. She thought she could get away with it because you are the horrible ex wife blah blah blah.
Even if you were the AH in your marriage, you aren't being one here. She's the only asshole and deserves some serious consequences. She's unstable and has a serious chip on her shoulder, I'd press charges just so you can get a restraining order.
The next day OP came back with this update:
So today I learned my ex actually did split with the GF this past weekend. After reading many of the comments, I decided I was going to go ahead with the charges. I gave my ex MIL a call just to let her know and so she could let my ex know so he had a heads up.
I don’t know or want to know the details of the break up but he ended it and told his mom that he understands if I wanted to press charges and that he never should have asked me not to in the moment. I spoke with the officer today and that’s done. Likely little will happen to her but at least there are consequences.
I had a lot of people asking why we divorced in comments and DMs. Without getting too far into it, I’ve always been someone that didn’t believe in monogamy or believe it was something I was capable of. My ex was aware of this going into our relationship and was on board for many years on our own definition of our marriage and relationship.
Over the years, I could tell that it weighed on him so I tried to change, believe in the things he did but ultimately it just didn’t work. I ended the marriage in large part because he wanted more kids and I did not. I wasn’t an angel and the end was a little messy but we came to a good place.
Thanks again for the messages and even for some of the funny terrible ones. Those made me laugh more than they should have 🤣
Here's what people had to say after the update:
Very happy you are pressing charges. People like that depend on folks not wanting to “deal with it”-so never suffer consequences. When finally someone (you in this case!) is brave enough or mad enough to involve police, the offender has no record and gets a lighter penalty. Thanks to you, if she does it again, things will start to get a little sticky for her. Good for you! And good for you and your ex being able to get on good terms. ♥️❤️♥️
No judgments about your marriage from me. I'm just here for the updates. You're NTA for standing up for your safety. Whatever happened in your marriage wasn't the question so...