'My ex says I left him because I was too 'upper-class' for him. 4 years later, he says he wants to get back together.'

"My ex says I left him because I was too 'upper-class' for him. 4 years later, he says he wants to get back together."

I ended up leaving my ex four years ago. We dated in college (different departments), and I come from a significantly upper-middle-class background, which apparently was too much 'higher' for him. His words, not mine. I didn't care, and when we started dating, even when we were 20, I told him I didn't care what his background was, if he and his family were willing, I'd make mine accept him too.

But just in the last few months of graduation, he became so hateful. He would say such offensive things if I bought a new dress, he had a problem with my dad so much, because my dad and mum wanted me to go up to a PHD, and called it an 'elitist waste of time.'

He refused to even come to my celebration party, our common friends threw when I got in to a prestigious master's program abroad, because "it wasn't like you got a scholarship, your father is paying for it."

I loved this man like crazy, and I still believe he loved me too, and I still don't understand why he became so hateful, that he ruined the last months of undergrad for me. I felt guilty for ordering pizza, he scolded me for not knowing HIS FAMILY'S puja rituals well, and if I defended myself he would apologize and say he gets insecure because I will find someone much better than him.

This kept on, till my sister WHO WAS ONLY 15 YEARS OLD sat me down and told me that I am losing myself by being with him. I drew some boundaries after that which he didn't take well, and he told me he was breaking up with me anyway to 'save my life' because someone like him wouldn't know how to maintain a 'spoilt child' like me.

He also said he knew I would leave him the moment I decided to go outside the country, because I needed to 'rub it in his face' that he couldn't have a life I had, and make him more miserable. I was inconsolable for months after that barely eating, and lost a lot of weight (that did me favours). I just soft-launched my bf a few days ago in my Insta story.

I didn't date anyone these four years and focused on my studies and travelled a little, plus my mom had a health scare and parents relocated to relatives and much closer to me, which took a lot of time. My boyfriend is someone I have known over years (his brother is a close friend from my master's) and I am honestly happy where my life is right now.

I didn't take support from my dad after my master's and though I make less money, it's enough to keep me happy. My ex called me from a college friend's phone yesterday. He was crying and telling me he knew he messed up and wanted me to know he still loved me. I didn't want to prolong the conversation and hearing his voice almost gave me a panic attack, and I told him am taken and cut the call.

He sent me texts after texts from the mutual friends account on how he was immature, and seeing me with another man showed him that he was wrong, and said things like he was even 'willing to adjust to my family'.

I blocked that friend. Today I called that friend again and told him I couldn't trust him anymore. He said sorry and further scolded me a little that I could have taken a little bit of mercy on my ex, because he was heartbroken.

I don't know man, I didn't realize how much his words had affected me before. My hands were shaking and I felt like I was bracing for a verbal attack from him. Both my ex and that friend is blocked, but I still feel so betrayed. My sister called him a bunch of names and I think I have calmed down a little, but I needed to vent.

I always thought if I talked or thought about him, it would mean I haven't moved on, but after moving on, I now understand that he has only mentally scarred me, and can't help having conflicted thoughts about it.

The internet did not hold back their thoughts one bit.

loyal_zoro wrote:

Well he was insecure. For him you were a prize. For God sake I hope you don't have feeling for him. Because you have everything you are happy. So avoid that loser. He is crying because he never find another girl. You are not harsh you know your boundaries.

I know women who had same scenario like you but she did a mistake of going back and lost her current partner someone which every woman think of.

So I hope you take the best decision.

OK_Dog9694 wrote:

DO NOT LOOK BACK, even if you break up for whatever reason (I hope you don’t have to obviously). Read first 4 words of my comment again, and then read first 4 words of my comment again. He had 4 years to reach out, he specifically came back after your soft launch. He ain’t in love with you, just devastated that you moved on and found someone else.

KP000001 wrote:

Just tell that friend that if he is so sad and worried about that piece of s#$t, he should go date him and heal his broken heart instead. What losers. Girl you doged a bullet. All the best for your life and don't worry about useless people!

grrrrrrg wrote:

He was not worried about you being upper class. He was insecure about him being "lesser."

Valuable life experience.

Almost a month later, OP shared an update.

I wasn't going to update and basically forgot about this account. But some drama happened these past couple of days, and I thought I should. My ex harassed me through literally almost all of our mutual friends. I cut off quite a few people I spoke to from college, but ultimately decided against cutting off everyone, because I saw how much he was bothering them.

Most of my girlfriends from college told him to piss off, but most of the boys (except two) took his side and asked me to hear him out. We had a really big group of friends during college, most of whom came together because of my ex and me.

So cutting people off, who I have genuinely held close to heart hurt a bit. Plus, despite most of my girlfriends telling him and his flying monkeys off, one of my closest friends is married to a friend of my ex.

And even though she told me she could handle her husband, I could sense that she was getting frustrated. I asked her advice on how to deal with this and she promised me everyone will stop bothering me if I just talk to my ex once. I did. He called me, when he was at my friends house, and I was so mad, and I asked him why he was bothering me this way.

He sounded like he was sniffing, and his voice sounded like he was very emotional. Throughout the entire time, he explained how he was going through depression, and he had self-confidence issues and he took it out on me. How when he realized that he had been bad to me, he spiraled further.

And he now knows my background isn't my fault, and he will do anything for things to go back. Then he said he wanted to contact me these years, but he didn't want to disrupt my career. Only when he saw me with my bf he thought that he might have been too late, and needed to talk to me.

He then asked if there was really no way for us. I was very very angry, more at his audacity, than him, because he really made me lose respect for so many people and I lost so many of my friends. I know, they took his side, and it was better for the long run, but I didn't need all this drama and mental stress.

I told him I loved my boyfriend. I will most likely marry my boyfriend and if not, I'd literally d#$ than marry him and into his crazy orthodox family. And I hoped that he was happy with ruining my friendship with the group, because there was no way I was going to tolerate my own friends harassing me to get back together with a guy who wrecked my life.

Ultimately, his words just kept on pissing me off, so I cut the call. My friend said she and her husband have told my ex they won't support him anymore, and the friend group has now gone to my side.

But I'm done. We are in our mid twenties, not in college. And just because I live far away, does not mean I want to be b#$lied. And I seriously don't want to speak to these people much again, because they ruined all respect I had for them. Still, you never know who you need in life, but I've told them they are on thin ice. My boyfriend and I are pretty happy.

My parents are healthy, and my little sister is doing well in life. My career is going good. I'm going to spend my time doing things for me and my family and count my blessings. Honestly, when I heard crazy ex stories I always thought it would never happen to me, because mine hated me. But screw him. He can live in misery for all I care. I'm so, so glad I dodged that bullet (missile).

The internet had a lot to say in response.

Akira_Reviews wrote:

Something similar happened to a friend of mine, though not due to financial status. She was with a guy for 5 years, towards the end kept hinting towards marriage coz her parents were pressuring her.

He kept on saying he doesn't believe in marriage and will never get married. The issue became so big he started verbally ab#$ing her. When my friend showed me their chats, he was calling her all kinds of names where all she was trying to do was defend herself.

Finally she broke up with him and blocked him. Then he kept on texting her, trying to be sweet, but this time my friend grew a shiny spine and didn't respond.

A year later, she met another guy. Within a few months, she's been to his hometown, met his parents, and are now seriously considering moving forward.

Her ex kept on calling him again and again from different numbers and one final day, she got pissed and picked his call and demanded him to stop calling as her husband doesn't like it. Now the ex is like, "What? Why did you take this decision? I was planning to meet up and discuss our future with you." Yeah sure! Now, when the shop has sailed!

Shanty_nack wrote:

You’re incredibly strong for standing your ground and cutting out the drama. It’s painful losing friends, but protecting your peace and happiness is what matters most. Glad you have your boyfriend and family supporting you, sounds like you’re moving forward the right way.

KP000001 wrote:

Ugh cutting off friends like that is always better. If they are soo in support of him, then let him get married to their family. Idiots. You can find better friends. Even if you don't get new friends, you are better off with just your bf and family for support.

They are in their own delusional world. And that a#$ ex, he is definitely jealous you are with someone better. He knows he's trash and that you are happier without him, so he wants to drag you down too.

glorious_burden wrote:

Well after reading the older post I would say you dodged a nuke. He was projecting his insecurities on you in the ugliest ways. who the hell tries to get back with an ex of 4 years who is clearly in a happy relationship. And what about those friends? What were they exactly thinking of achieving? It's good that you held your ground.