'AITA for pointing out to my ex that this is what she wanted when we got divorced?'

"AITA for pointing out to my ex that this is what she wanted?"

My ex and I divorced 8 years ago, amicably. She is the one who proposed that we not make the kids switch back and forth for the time being. We would each spend 2 weeks at the house and switch on and off. She said we would do this until one of us moved on and got remarried, since that would not be a realistic setup.

I agreed and we put it in writing, including that this custody arrangement would only last until one of us got married. We also split rent on an apartment that the other person would live in during their time off. All bills were split evenly between us. Per the agreement, when this ended, we would sell the house and split the profits, since it is in both of our names. Our kids were 6 and 8 when this began, and they are now 14 and 16.

I have been with my now fiance for 3 years. We started living together at her place 2 years ago. My ex also started living with her boyfriend, so we gave up the apartment and would still switch off living in the house during our custody time.

While our partners did not live at the main house full time, they have gotten to know our kids and everyone gets along. The kids love my fiance and are excited for the wedding. My ex was happy for us until I spoke to her about putting the house on the market.

Suddenly, she became uncomfortable and said she did not want to change the arrangement. She said it was easier for her and that it was nice to have a break from her boyfriend every 2 weeks. I said I understood, but my fiance and I are getting a new place that belongs to both of us.

The kids are fine with this and are okay with switching houses at this point. I offered my ex the option to buy me out, but she cannot afford to do that. She kept saying it was not fair and that she never expected I would move on. I asked what would happen if she married her boyfriend. She said she had no plans to remarry and thought I would not want to either. I said, well, I am.

We have started the process of selling the house and she keeps trying to get the kids against the idea, but they honestly do not care. They have enjoyed house hunting with me and my fiance. My oldest wants to help my fiance decorate since they are close. The kids are also excited to spend more time with my ex’s boyfriend since they will be living with him and their mom. He is a very nice guy and they like him.

Recently, we got an offer on the house and my ex was very emotional, which I understood. This was a home we purchased together and raised our children in. I am emotional about letting it go as well. But when we were discussing it, she told me it was all my fault that she had to sell her children’s childhood home.

I told her she was the one who came up with this idea 8 years ago, and she was the one who put in the clause that we would sell the house when one of us remarried. It is not my fault she had some unspoken, unrealistic expectation.

This upset her even more and she started sobbing, telling me I was a jerk for pointing this out. So, am I wrong for saying it? We have amicably co-parented for 8 years and I would hate to see that end over something like this

Here's what people had to say to OP:

BulbasaurRanch says:

Obviously NTA. She set the rules, just doesn’t like that they are being enforced now. Her problem is not yours to fix. It sounds like she just doesn’t want to live with her boyfriend.

_parenda_ says:

NTA. She needs therapy.

Select_Draw3385 says:

NTA. Maybe the issue is related to needing a break from her boyfriend? That doesn’t seem healthy.

OP responded:

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the guy. Moreso, she has commitment problems. I know he wants to get married, she evidently doesn’t want to. One of the reasons we divorced is she didn’t like being married and wanted more “freedom”. I suspect, she’s starting to itch for that again. But I’ve told her to just move out of his place if she doesn’t want to live with him and move on.

OP added some extra context:

I honestly doubt she's still in love with me. I think it is more that she has commitment issues (which is part of why we did not work out. She did not cheat, but she found marriage suffocating), and I think she wants an excuse to avoid going further with her boyfriend.

I have told her she should end things if that is how she feels, but she insists she does not want to lose him. She tends to hold on, which was also part of why our divorce took so long.