'AITA for ignoring my dad's messages after my family 'Home Aloned' me again on Christmas?'
"AITA for ignoring my family after they excluded me from Christmas (again)?"
snoregasmm writes:
For context, I (29F) have not been on great terms with my family for a long time. My mom has spent most of my life doing everything she can to tear me down, and as of now, I haven't spoken to her in almost three years.
I have an okay relationship with my brother (32M), and I love my dad even though he enables my mom and never stands up for me because he doesn't like to rock the boat. Until a few months ago, I lived pretty close to my parents, but I recently moved across the country, and I don't have any friends or family anywhere near my new home.
I love holidays and celebrations, but no one else in my family does. When I was younger, they used to make fun of me or get frustrated when I would try to be festive around Christmas, and eventually, I stopped trying. For the past decade, my family hasn't done anything for any holiday, and I have become okay with that.
However, my brother (who lives in a different state) got divorced a couple of years ago, and his ex took their house, so my parents bought a duplex in his town so that he could live on one side with my 4-year-old niece, and they could live part-time on the other.
They still have their house in my hometown that they live in most of the year, but for the last two years, my parents have gone up to stay in their side of the duplex for the whole month of December, and they've celebrated Christmas with my brother and niece.
Last year, they didn't even tell me they were going; I found out from my dad's Facebook. It hurt that they decided to celebrate Christmas together and didn't even tell me, but I shook it off. This year, though, they did it again. My dad called me on Christmas Eve and told me how much fun they were having as a family, then asked me what I was doing for Christmas.
I told him I was doing nothing—I don't know anyone in my new city, and my family is all celebrating Christmas without me. He paused like he hadn't considered that, then quickly got off the phone. He later sent me a selfie of them all together, saying, "Merry Christmas from (brother's state)!" I didn't answer.
Actually, I stopped answering at all. My dad and I usually talk 2-3 times a week to check in, but he's called me once and texted me twice, and I haven't answered since Christmas Eve (seven days ago). I've also not been posting on my socials, and given that I'm not answering him or posting, and I'm all alone in a city far away, he really doesn't know if I'm alive or dead.
He texted me yesterday, saying, "Please tell me if you're OK," and I haven't responded. I know it's petty, but I'm really hurt that I wasn't even thought of for the family holiday. Even if I had been invited, I probably wouldn't have gone just because I don't want to be around my mom, but being left out entirely really hurts, and having them rub my face in it with their selfie is even worse.
I've been ignored by my family my whole life, and I'm tired of trying. I don't know how to say this to my dad, and I don't want to talk to him until I know what to say. AITA for maintaining my silence?
Here are the top rated comments from readers.
Philip_J_Fry3000 says:
NTA, your dad couldn't be bothered to tell you where they were going last Christmas and this year thinks it's a good idea to send you a selfie from this year's family gathering. The fact that he has to even ask if you're ok after that is tone deaf as f%#k. The fact that he forgets his role in all of this is wild.
OkStrength5245 says;
It is time to admit that your familial relationship will never mend. Go out, find people, do hobbies , see concerts and fairs. Build yourself a new family. Next year, publish the photos of your festivities with " your new family." Keep silent.
britegy says:
NTA - the definition of family is coming together through thick and thin during moments like the holidays. Your father cannot expect to have a relationship with you without inviting you to participate in major family events.
alcapwn3d says:
NTA. Sometimes the worst breakup a person has to go through is with their own family. Protect your peace, and surround yourself with people who want to be around you, and include you.