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'AITA for calling my family out on not knowing anything about me at my birthday dinner?'

'AITA for calling my family out on not knowing anything about me at my birthday dinner?'

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"AITA for telling my family that a drugstore perfume and lotion was better than any gifts they have ever gotten me?"

Upper-Owl-1088 writes:

I was the least favorite child in my family (on my dad’s side), including cousins, and was not cared about. I live in a family where if you don’t fit or want to fit into traditional ways of life, you are made fun of and mocked.

I was the black sheep and was ridiculed for my hobbies because they were either nerdy or “masculine” (reading, history, hiking, nature walks, trombone, etc.), while the other women in my family had more “feminine” hobbies (playing a “dainty” instrument like piano, harp, violin, knitting, crocheting, etc.).

I wasn’t cared for at all because of how different I was from the other women in my family. At one point, I even joined a knitting club to try to make a scarf and ended up leaving with something that looked like it had gone through the apocalypse.

Because of this, they didn’t bother to get to know anything about me. When I tried to join conversations, I was either cut off or shooed away to take care of the baby cousins or my nieces and nephews.

Every year, I would get a $10 bill in a card from my entire family, or if I was lucky, a $15 gift card to a random restaurant. At first, I didn’t mind, but compared to the gifts my cousins got (Nintendos, games, bracelets with initial engravings, necklaces with diamonds), it was obvious I was being treated differently.

I’ve given my cousins hundreds of dollars for their birthdays, headphones, travel equipment, items from their wish lists for Christmas, and I’ve even contributed to helping pay one cousin’s student debt. So, it’s not a “you get what you give” situation.

Today was my birthday, and I had to invite my family because if I didn’t, I’d get a passive-aggressive Facebook post targeting me. After my small gathering, they wanted me to babysit my nieces. I had also invited friends from college and my younger years, including one named Danny.

Danny came from a family similar to mine, with very traditional values. He was also the black sheep, pursuing designing and arts while the men in his family became tradesmen or finance bros.

We’ve only been friends for a short time (about five months), but he really understands why I didn’t want my family there. He came to my party to chill and make sure no snarky comments were made about me on my birthday (this has happened often, with people calling me attention-seeking or weird).

As I was opening presents, I got my family’s gift: a random juice store gift card and two $10 bills. I guess they thought that since other people were there, they needed to step up a little. I thanked them politely and sat down again.

Then I opened Danny’s gift. Even though I told him he didn’t need to get me anything, he gave me an Elle Vanilla Glamour Body Mist and a small vanilla-scented lotion. I looked at it for a moment and hugged him tightly.

For context, about three months ago, I told him once that I’d run out of a mini vanilla-scented perfume and that I love scents with vanilla or caramel undertones. He told me he didn’t have much money because of paying rent on a new house, but I told him it was one of the most thoughtful gifts I’d ever received and one of my favorite birthday presents.

My family watched me as I hugged him. After the gathering ended, they stayed behind, which confused me. Then my cousin, Mia, came up to me and told me I was an AH because I appreciated a “cheap, nasty body spray” and “trashy lotion” more than their collective $35.

They said I was shoving it in their faces. They tried to tell me to throw away the perfume and be more grateful for the money they gave me. I was tired, wanted to go home, and most importantly, I was angry. I calmed myself and asked if I could ask them a question. They said yes. “What’s my favorite color?”

Not a single word was said. The table was silent to the point where other tables started to think we were crazy—a girl with smudged mascara and about seven other people on the other side of the table, all sitting there with their mouths open.

I told them directly that they could have given me enough money to fill a boat, but the perfume—a gift from someone who actually listened to me—meant more to me than anything they had ever given. They didn’t even know what color I’ve liked since I was nine.

I left, went home, paid for the dinner for everyone at the party, and went to sleep peacefully. The next morning, I was bombarded with texts from a family group chat, with people calling me “out of line,” “an AH,” and “disrespectful.”

They said it wasn’t their fault they didn’t get to know anything about me. (They didn’t even try, though. It’s like expecting a fish on your fishing rod if you don’t use any bait.) I texted back: “None of you ever tried to talk to me, other than to make snarky comments. I will give back all the money and gift cards so you will understand that I don’t talk to people who diminish my hobbies or me in general. Goodbye.”

I left the group chat. I’ve paid back all their money and returned the gift cards that hadn’t expired yet. I’ve never felt lighter in my life. But I’m still being called an AH. So, am I?

What do you think?

Sources: Reddit
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