'AITA for being mad my family kept my dad being sick a secret until he passed away?'
"AITA for ignoring my mom and siblings after they kept the fact dad was dying a secret from me?"
AshISosan writes:
I (20M) moved to a different country last year for my education. My dad was my biggest supporter in doing it, and he knew it was a dream of mine to see more of the world outside the US. When the chance appeared, he was the very first person I told and the one who encouraged me to go. I stayed in regular contact with him, my mom, and my siblings (25F, 23M, and 18F).
Three weeks ago, I got the call that my dad had passed away. He had cancer, and everyone knew except me. My mom and siblings said he hadn’t wanted me to know because he didn’t want me to leave college and come home to be with him. But I never got to say goodbye.
Things had been quieter lately, but I was busy and everyone at home said they were too. My cousin told me my dad had wanted to tell me before it was too late, but the rest of my family said no, and by then my dad was too sick to do it. My cousin said he wanted to tell me himself but was pressured not to by other relatives, including my mom and siblings.
I was already furious with them, but then they went ahead and planned everything without me, apart from a few details my dad had prepared himself. They still wanted me home, but they left me out of the funeral planning. That is when I lost it and told them not to talk to me and not to expect me at the funeral, because I did not want to be around them.
Instead, I held my own way of remembering my dad. It was incredibly painful because part of me is angry at him too, and that hurts since I loved him so much and he was my number one supporter.
My mom and siblings keep trying to reach out, but I have ignored every call and text because I feel like yelling at them and telling them they are dead to me and can never make up for this. I cannot figure out if it is just grief talking, but I have never been this angry.
Now two of my aunts are upset with me for doing this to my mom, who lost her husband, and to my siblings, who also lost their dad. In their eyes, I am punishing my mom and siblings for my dad’s death and making this all about me. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Extension_Camel_3844 says:
NTA. How cruel to prevent you from being able to say goodbye. I'm so sorry they stole that from you. Hugs.
live-fast-eat-trash says:
NTA. You have every right to be devastated and your family should be ashamed of themselves for disregarding your father's wishes.
sleepthedayzaway says:
NTA what they stole from you can never be replaced
Classic_Cauliflower4 says:
NTA. “Yes, it must be hard for all of them to say goodbye to Dad. I wouldn’t know, because I never got that chance. You all hid it from me.” I’d say you’re justified in being angry. Maybe give it some time and then consider if you’d be open to reestablishing contact.