'AITA? My family members assumed I'd be watching their newborn.'
"AITA? My family members assumed I'd be watching their newborn."
I am a stay-at-home parent. All of my children are finally in school. I now have the time to delve into my hobbies and learn some new things which I have been enjoying. During Thanksgiving, I overheard some family members talking about their new bundle of joy. They were asked about childcare and unbeknownst to me they said I was going to watch the child.
They never even asked me! I looked at them and they just smiled. Like it was a privilege for me. I wasn't trying to make a scene at the holiday party so I didn't say anything just gave a look. I do not in any way shape or form want to do that. I'll watch the baby here and there, but not everyday. AITA?
Note: I 100% am having a private conversation with them. Which is what I would have wanted them to do. I can, and do stand up for myself. I was caught off guard and honestly pissed.
I didn't want to make everyone uncomfortable at dinner. I realize I could have simply said this or that, but it wouldn't have come out of my mouth very nice. No, my husband didn't volunteer me. It's my sibling.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
IAmTAAlways said:
NO TF I'M NOT was the appropriate answer to give in the moment. When they ask again, it will still be appropriate answer.
SillyMoose25 said:
NTA - but you really should’ve corrected them in the moment or soon after. Easier said than done I know but now they think “you know” and agree. I would follow up on this quickly. Wild entitlement on the side of the parents.
Vdavwil said:
NTA. I would have spoke up in the moment, but there's no time like the present, I say. Set those boundaries ASAP. Tell them you aren't providing any more than VERY occasional childcare, and that you didn't appreciate them volunteering you behind your back. If you don't stand up for yourself, no one else will.
Kind-Philosopher1 said:
NTA, hate to break it to you though, your look didn't do what you think it did. Your silence was much louder and it will be taken as agreement. You need to call or email or text them immediately and clarify your silence was in shock given your were surprised to hear them speak about you caring for their child. You are unavailable, and they will need to make alternative arrangements, period.
0neThr0waway said:
NTA. If I’ve learned one thing from life it’s that more scenes need to be made. Public shaming needs to be brought back.
canarylungs said:
NTA, but please tell me you did more than just look at them. You have to make it known that you’re not the designated babysitter or else everyone is going to try to take advantage.
After reading the comments, OP updated the post to include:
I realized some of you were right. I needed to tell them ASAP so they can plan actual daycare. I called him last night. I calmly asked him if he really thought I would be watching his baby. He said yes because I was home all the time. I asked him why he didn't ask me first and he said he didn't think he had to.
It really pissed me off. I said I have plenty to do and that if there is an emergency I will be there and help, but that I wasn't going to watch the baby everyday. He then got pissed and said they planned for me to and now they have no idea how they will afford childcare. (This baby was planned I should add).
He is upset because he also needs to workout for 2 hours a day after work. He feels now that he wont be able to and that will mess up his mental health. They work from 7:30am-4pm and workout for 2 hours after that.That's around 10 hours I would have this newborn. I said so your having a baby for me to take care of so your lives don't change?
You want me to give up my free time, but you won't? We have talked about how happy I am in this moment with free time. He said a child is more important than your hobbies. Which totally set me the rest of the way off.
I said mine are, because I had them. Your child is more important than the gym. It's not up to you to decide what I do with my time, and you can workout at home. I said I was sorry and hung up. Now it's going to be super awkward but at least they know now.