'I'm making Christmas all vegan because my family never prepared food for me during the holidays, now they're saying I'm selfish.'
Does making Christmas vegan ruin it?
GyulaChan writes:
I have been lactose intolerant since I was 11. We visited my grandma frequently, and she cooked for us each time. We explained my intolerance to her, but she never prepared anything for me. Instead, I ate rice by itself or similar meals.
Despite having no memory issues, my grandma didn't want to make extra effort by preparing a different dish or altering the planned one. I didn't say anything because I dislike conflicts and didn't mind going home hungry if it meant spending time with family. Before leaving, my mother calmly told my grandma that her actions were disrespectful and made me sad.
Later, my aunt, her son, and husband moved in with my grandmother. My aunt, knowledgeable about lactose intolerance due to working in the dairy industry, still didn't prepare anything for me.
My mother, frustrated after several years, called my grandmother, threatening that I would never visit again unless she made at least one dish for me. From then on, I always had something to eat.
In 2020, I went vegan and informed them ahead of time. When visiting my aunt's family, they continued cooking 50/50. Making vegan foods didn't cost them more, as they didn't buy special substitutes.
During Christmas, my grandma alternates between visiting our house and my aunt's. On the 25th, the other side of the family visits the house where grandma stayed, and we prepare a feast. Last time it was our turn to celebrate with grandma, my non-vegan mother decided to make a plant-based feast, which everyone enjoyed.
Now that I know how to cook, I offered to handle everything to let my mother relax. I don't cook meat, and when my aunt learned there wouldn't be any at the family gathering, she got angry and called me selfish. She said prioritizes satisfying guests and doesn't understand why she can't get the same attention back.
Despite her complaints, her children and grandma have no issues with a vegan meal. The oldest son even sends me vegan recipes, excited about a vegan Christmas. I feel it's rude to criticize my Christmas menu almost 20 days before Christmas and complain about the food. AITA for not changing my mind?
OP responded to some comments:
Right_Count says:
NTA (Not the A%@hole). As cook, you can make what you want, and as host, if the majority are on board, you’re fine. If your aunt really wants to eat meat, she should prepare her own dish.
OP responded:
I think she would never make her own dish, because when my mother had cancer, she still let her prepare the entire menu and never offered to help (as far as I know, it was a long time ago).
EquivalentTwo1 says
NTA. Your Aunt can bring a rotisserie chicken if she so feels inclined. The fact she polices your table is ridiculous. No one is saying she can't eat meat all day, just not at your table. Satisfying guests is not your aunt's priority.
She makes chocolate cake for people who hate it, had to be threatened by your mother to have one dish you could eat at all at her table. She is capable of eating vegan foods, she just doesn't want to.
OP responded:
You are right, but I still don't want her to feel left out. I thought of suprising her with fried vegan "chicken" (her favorite dish), but my entire family says the only solution is comunication, but I don't want to talk to her about it because she already got angry at the idea of eating plants and I feel like she would make me cry.
13auricles says:
Let’s get this straight. They never had any interest in trying new recipes for you and you had health issues. You went along with it although your mom was rightfully angry.
Now people are interested in your food and your aunt is. mad? Basically you need to cater to her after all of these years she ignored your food preferences? People are exhausting. NTA.
OP says:
You are right, but I still don't want anyone to feel bad at our family gathering. I will not cook any meat, that is for sure, but I don't know how to make her feel better after she already hates my cooking before she even tried it.
Impossible_Couple_88 says:
Let’s get this straight. They never had any interest in trying new recipes for you and you had health issues. It sounds like the Grandma was the culprit behind the lactose incidents, and since going vegan everyone has been on board and accommodating:
OP says:
A little update: my grandmother is also diabetic and I always keep that in mind when I bake/cook for her and my aunt always buys the sugariest cakes for grandma's Birthday. Last year when I made my father's favourite cake for his Birthday she said that we should also have a "normal" cake as well (normal is the exact word she used).
His youngest son always hated chocolate cake and surprise surprise, she bough him a chocolate cake for his 22nd Birthday this year, so later that week I baked him a cake he actually liked.
judgingholes asks:
INFO: I'm just trying to figure out how you were only left to eat only rice when you were younger? Like meat doesn't have milk in it. Veggies doesn't have milk in it. Did they make nothing but mac and cheese and casseroles with cheese in it?
OP says:
Sorry, I would have passed the 3000 character limit if I also detailed my IBS. I have IBS and I can't eat anything with lots of spices, greasy food and a lot of fat and our cuisine only has those sorts of dished (I'm Hungarian).
What do you think? Is OP wrong to not have any non-vegan options at Christmas?