'My father-in-law lied to my husband that I cheated on him. I did not.' MAJOR UPDATE

When your partner's parents turn against you? Well, that can be a super complicated situation.

"My father-in-law lied to my husband that I cheated on him — I DID NOT (23F, 26M)."

My husband and his dad are best friends. They work together, hang out together. I’ve always known his dad didn’t like me but things got worse after we moved out of his house and got our own.

He’ll act nice to me in front of my husband except for some non funny jokes or smart comments but the minute my husband is not around, he gets rude to me. Like reminding me that I come from a poor family, would never have a big house or nice car if it wasn’t for his son.

He just constantly insinuates that I married his son for money which is not true. I got tired of mentioning it to my husband because he just brushes it off.

Father in law has told me a couple times that I should divorce his son before he "tells him the truth."

I knew I haven’t done anything wrong so I didn’t know what to say. I even asked my husband exactly 2 weeks ago what would happen if his dad made up some lies about me and he said his dad would never do that. Well he did. He told my husband that he has seen me around town with a man multiple times and that I was seen getting a hotel room with the same man.

He claims he’s seen us kiss…I wasn’t around when he told my husband this. I told him it’s a lie but I can tell he is now doubting my word. I asked if his dad had some kind of proof and he said no. Then he told me he needs to be away from me for a few days to clear his head and went straight to his dad’s. To me that just means he believes his dad’s lies.

Why would his dad go out of his way to do this? And why would he just believe it? This just seems so unfair. You’d think he would at least expect some proof before shutting me out and treating me like I did something wrong. I don’t know if I’m supposed to beg him to come back or just let his dad’s plan work? I know the longer he stays there, the more he will believe his lies.

A commenter jumped on to respond, but not long after this exchange - the comments were locked.

Glittering-Wonder-30 wrote:

Confront him and record it either video or an audio recording. Since he goes out of his way to do this every time hubby is not around, that's the perfect chance for you to catch him in his lies. maybe record a phonecall? If the laws let you??‍♀️

OP responded:

I called him as soon as my husband told me because I was trying to get some proof that he’s lying. He didn’t say anything incriminating and kept saying things like “I can’t believe you’d do this to him” as if he really believes that I cheated. I’m wondering if he knew I was trying to record him. That or he’s absolutely crazy.

Three weeks later, OP shared an update.

I posted a few weeks ago after my father in law (who hates me) lied to my husband that I was cheating. My husband just fell for his lies without even asking for proof. Things got crazy. He assumed his dad was telling the truth and left our house to go stay at his dad’s. I kept telling him if his dad is telling the truth then he has to be able to show some kind of proof.

I’m guessing that didn’t happen because my husband came back and apologized for not trusting me more. But ever since he’s been back, he’s been obsessed with the idea of getting pregnant. Talking about it constantly, physically trying…I keep telling him I’m 23…I’m not ready. Of course we’ll have babies but I just want to keep working on us, especially with what just happened.

He doesn’t like my answers. Now he’s calling me suspicious and says my answers don’t make sense to him. It feels like we’re back to him not trusting me. I don’t know what’s going on. I just want some kind of outside input because I’m starting to really wonder if this relationship is even working.

The comments kept flowing in.

LhasaApsoSmile wrote:

He wants you pregnant so you are tied to him. He is deeply insecure and suspicious. I'd sit him down and say that what his father did was deeply hurtful to you. Ask him if he is sorry about that? Then say that partners make big decisions, like babies, together. Is he ready to be a partner? AND - keep your birth control in a locked cabinet or get an IUD.

JemimaAslana wrote:

I don't trust for a second that he has let go of his dad's ideas. Getting you pregnant will prevent you from cheating (in the minds of some men), but even worse: it will bind you to him through the baby.

Be very, VERY mindful of your birth control.

When he's this insistent and has no respect for your wishes, he may try to sabotage your bc. Do NOT make do with condoms. They are easy to sabotage or slip off. Pills can be messed with. Make sure you either get the shot, implant or an IUD. Don't let him babytrap you. Get counselling. Get him to come clean about whatever bs his dad's been spewing about how to ensure your loyalty.

young_coastie wrote:

Dude, it’s a trap. Please do everything you can not to get pregnant. Don’t have sex with him. If you fear he will ass**lt you for withholding s#x, your situation has become dire and you need to make a plan to leave safely asap. Has he already isolated you from all your family and friends or do you have some support?

Jemima_Aslana wrote:

I don't trust for a second that he has let go of his dad's ideas. Getting you pregnant will prevent you from cheating (in the minds of some men), but even worse: it will bind you to him through the baby. Be very, VERY mindful of your birth control. When he's this insistent and has no respect for your wishes, he may try to sabotage your bc.

Do NOT make do with c*ndoms. They are easy to sabotage or slip off. Pills can be messed with. Make sure you either get the shot, implant or an IUD. Don't let him babytrap you. Get counselling. Get him to come clean about whatever bs his dad's been spewing about how to ensure your loyalty.