'My fiancée and I decided to elope. We are done with this big wedding nonsense.' UPDATED

"My fiancée and I decided to elope."

I don't even have the words to express how relieved I am right now. My (30M) fiancée (30F) feels the same way about our decision. We're going to elope on Monday. No wedding, just signing the papers at city hall. We both agree this is the way to go. The day after we got engaged, we called some of our family members to let them know in person.

We sent some other family members and some of our friends a message or an email. That same day people from both my family and my fiancée's family started bombarding us with questions about the wedding. And they wouldn't leave us alone about getting engagement pictures done. We took a selfie together after I proposed but that wasn't enough.

They wanted us to have a formal session with a professional photographer to get multiple photos taken. There was also talk of an engagement party; formal venue, catering, photographer etc. Plus all kinds of other things leading up to the wedding like a joint shower and another separate one for my fiancée.

There was major pressure for both of us to get social media accounts so we could share news about the wedding with everyone. We had planned to invite no more than 35 people to our wedding but neither of our family members would leave us alone about expanding the guest list.

We wanted to have something low key, not this over the top day our families kept talking about. Both of us have seen the huge weddings our siblings have had and wanted to avoid that. We didn't want to spend a lot of money on a wedding, we would prefer to save it for other things.

However, no matter what we said or did or how many times we said no or enough, no one would leave it alone. My fiancée and I have decided to elope. We aren't going to tell a single person until afterwards. We are eloping on Monday. We're just going to go to a government building and sign the papers.

Then we'll spend a quiet day at home together. We won't tell anyone until the next day. Nothing fancy and no fuss. We are going to be clear with everyone after we announce that we're married that we don't want any gifts, any parties or receptions or any other wedding stuff. I was so relieved when my fiancée suggested that we elope.

The wedding stuff was getting out of control no matter what we said or how we felt about it. We tried saying no several times and no one listened or slowed down. If anyone gets upset it will be their problem. My fiancée and are done with this out of control wedding nonsense.

There is nothing wrong with having a huge, expensive wedding if that's what the couple wants. However it's not what we wanted. If any of my siblings or hers who aren't married want big weddings that's great. My fiancée and I wanted something small and neither of us care if anyone gets upset over us eloping.

The internet had a lot to say in response.

Gloomy-Ninja2149 wrote:

I glad you guys are on the same page and I wish you guys a happy peaceful marriage. I feel this so deeply. My in-laws took my peace away right from the start. Married 2 years before I wanted to feed their crazy ideals.

fausted wrote:

Good for you both! I always told my fiance I want to be married to him, but I don't care about a wedding. As a compromise, we're having a very small lunch, ceremony and reception for close friends and family (50 guests).

His parents tried expanding our guest list too but my fiance put a stop to that. There's no need for a giant expensive wedding if that's not what you want. Other people can get very entitled when it comes to a wedding they don't have to pay for.

CozyClosetScribe wrote:

Congrats to you both! All the pressure your families put on y'all after the engagement news was ridiculous. Can't people just say congratulations and let y'all enjoy the moment for a bit? So glad y'all are both excited about the elopement and on the exact same page. That's what matters most. Everyone else can get over it. I'm happy for you both!

Brivoorheez wrote:

This is the sort of thing (and far too common) that led to me wanting to elope. My mother's (currently NC) reaction alone solidified my decision in that. No big fuss, and it'll just be about the two of you. Hell, you'll save money and you can take a nice trip.

Plus, I'm sure you'll spare feelings in a roundabout way of who would've been invited. (Hey, can't get upset about not being invited when no one was.) Congrats! Glad you're on the same page and I'm sure it's entirely stress relieving.

Two weeks later, OP shared an update.

We did it. We got married on Monday. We went to city hall, just the two of us. No expensive, over the top day like both of our families wanted. We spent the rest of Monday together at home. On Tuesday night before we both went to work we sent emails out announcing our marriage. Both of our families are upset, we knew they would be. We were clear this is the end of our wedding saga.

We don't want a party, a vow renewal, a reception or anything else wedding related. Me and my wife are done. Now that the big, expensive wedding isn't hanging over our heads we both feel so much better. It might look wrong that we told our families about our marriage with an email on Tuesday, but since we knew no one would be happy it felt like the best way for us to announce the news.

We did it before we went to work because neither me or my wife are allowed to have our phones at work. Our phones stay in our lockers until our shifts are over. We didn't want to have to deal with all the anger from our families immediately after our announcement. It was because of our families that we decided to elope. We didn't want a big wedding. We just wanted to be married.

Me and my wife chose Monday to elope because it was the soonest we could get married. It was the first day in a while where both of us didn't have to go to work or be on call. [I'm a bus driver, my wife is an operating room nurse. We both work rotating shifts.] I also showed my wife my original post and she wanted to thank everyone who sent good wishes to us.

The comments kept coming.

KitchenDismal9258 wrote:

That's the best update to these sorts of situations. Do what works for you and not to everyone else's expectations.

The marriage is what was important, not how big a party you could throw. That money can now be spent on things that will benefit you (like a house deposit) rather than the cost of a big wedding. I'm encouraging my kids to have a small wedding or some sort of elopement rather than have a big reception.

Two of my kids will like this...the third likes being the centre of attention but unless she's going to find someone rich, she probably won't be able to afford what she wants. I would like to be at my kids marriage ceremony but it's about them and not me. To be fair I hate the being the centre of attention as much as they do.

Many-Pirates_2712 wrote:

Congratulations.

I would ask a friend to take a couple nice pictures of you though. For memories 40 years from now.

JayneT70 wrote:

Congratulations and best wishes.

abbys_alibi wrote:

Congrats!

My husband and I eloped after our parents tried taking over our wedding. Our guest list was about 25 people. Our parents combined lists would add 300. We were like NOPE. Nixed it and eloped first chance we got. We have never regretted it for a second.