'AITA for canceling my wedding after finding out my fiancé had a secret bank account?'
"AITA for canceling my wedding after finding out my fiancé had a secret second bank account?"
justfrostbyte writes:
I called off my wedding last month after discovering that my fiancé, who I’d been with for 4 years, had a completely hidden second bank account, and I’m still getting a lot of backlash from friends and family who think I overreacted.
We had been planning our wedding for a year. Deposits were made, guests invited, dress bought. We had already merged most of our finances in preparation for marriage. We sat down together months ago and agreed on full financial transparency going forward.
We even talked about long-term financial goals like buying a house, saving for kids, and retirement. I thought we were on the same page. A few weeks before the wedding, I was doing some paperwork for the joint account when I noticed something odd: a deposit was missing.
Not a small one either, but $2,500 that he said he had transferred to the joint account was never there. When I asked him about it, he brushed it off and said it was probably a mistake that would show up eventually. That didn’t sit right with me.
So I did something I never thought I’d do. I checked his emails on our shared tablet. I know that’s not great, and I don’t feel good about it, but my gut told me something was wrong. That’s when I found notifications for an entirely separate checking account in a different bank under his name only. The balance? Over $27,000.
I confronted him immediately. At first, he lied and said it was old and that he forgot about it. Then he admitted he’d been quietly funneling money from our joint earnings into that account for the last year and a half. His reason?
Just in case. In case what? He couldn’t really explain. He said it was a backup plan, that he grew up poor and it made him feel safer. But he never once mentioned this during any of our financial planning conversations. He just kept it secret.
I wasn’t angry about the money itself. I was angry about the deception. I asked him: If you can lie about something this big before marriage, how can I trust you after we’re legally bound to each other for life? He told me I was being dramatic. That it’s normal for people to keep some money separate. But this wasn’t a personal savings account we discussed, it was hidden.
When I told him I needed time to think, he got defensive. Then, when I told him I was postponing the wedding, he lost it. He said I was humiliating him, that I was overreacting, that I was throwing away a future over a technicality.
His mother called me the next day, furious. She said I was selfish for ruining all the wedding plans and judging him for being smart with money. Some of my friends think I should’ve just talked it through and gone to couples counseling. One even said I’m lucky he’s a saver and that most women would kill to have a man who’s financially responsible.
But to me, it wasn’t about the money. It was about trust. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership, not a secret competition. AITA for canceling my wedding over a hidden bank account?
OP had some things to say to the responses.
Whyme0207 says:
Absolutely it’s financial cheating. Don’t trust this man. Break up is better than marrying the wrong person while knowing everything.
OP responded:
Yeah, I could forgive him but I could never trust him again.
Tall_Quantity_215 says:
The friends on his side and the one calling it lucky he’s a saver… it’s theft!! I’d drop those friends so fast if they see nothing wrong with it.
OP responded:
Yeah so lucky I discovered it before we get married.