'AITA for hiding my savings account from my fiancé and agreeing to a cheap wedding?'
"AITA for not telling my fiancé about my savings?"
PrudentBuffalo4398 writes:
I (25F) just recently got engaged to my boyfriend of two years (29M), now fiancé. We scheduled our wedding in August, and we both agree to have a small, simple wedding in our small hometown. Nothing big or extravagant. Just our family and close friends. That's it.
Last week, I was at my sister's house with my fiancé, his parents, and my mother, and we were talking about the wedding. During the conversation, my sister asked me why we were being cheap about it and why not just use my savings for a bigger wedding.
My fiancé heard that and asked me what she was talking about. At that, my sister answered him and told him that I have "a lot of" money saved up that we could use for a much fancier wedding. I got really annoyed at her and hushed her.
Later, as we were going back home, my fiancé asked me again about the savings my sister was talking about, and I told him that yes, I do have some money saved. Money my late father left me. Nothing much, a small amount.
He asked me how much, but I refused to tell him. He got frustrated and accused me of not trusting him and asked why I was being so secretive about it. I tried to reason with him, but he didn't want to listen to me.
He said that what I was doing was not what a couple should do, because we were getting married and "what's mine is his, what's his is mine." Things have been awkward between us these last few days, and I can tell he is pissed at me. AITA? Should I have told him about it since, as he said, we are getting married?
Here are some of the responses to OP.
AfterismQueen says:
ESH. You should not be getting married if you are comfortable disclosing financial information and he isn't entitled to any of your money.
longhandwrittenote says:
ESH. It's completely fine if you want to save that money. But it's really odd to hide it from your partner and avoid answering any questions on it. Have neither of you talked about finances before this?
Lunavo says:
YTA and your sister. I can only imagine how awkward and embarrassed he must have felt in that moment.Do you actually trust him? Or has something in your past made you extra cautious about money and fully committing financially?
No one’s saying you have to merge your savings right now, but at the very least, this should have been a conversation instead of a surprise. Think about the future. Say you’re looking to buy a major asset together in five years — how were you planning to bring up that you’ve already got a deposit saved? Were you going to hide it forever?
lets_chill_food says:
YTA why are you marrying someone you don’t trust?