'My fiancee told her friends I'm not the greatest in bed. AITA for calling off the engagement?' UPDATED

No one likes getting negative feedback, but it's the only way we really grow.

"My fiancee told her friend group that I am not the greatest at s*x, but she is with me for the complete package. Am I wrong for calling off the engagement?"

I (27M) have been engaged to my fiancee Amy (26F) for a year, and was in relationship with her for 5 years. We were due to be married this August. Now, I am also friends with Kiley (26F) . We have been friends for a very long time, pretty much since we were babies, and we’re almost like siblings at this point, because her mother and my mother were best friends since they were in high school.

Anyways, Kiley is part of the same tight knit friend group as Amy. I always try to ask Kiley what Amy tells about me, because I know women like to discuss about their boyfriends with their friend group. Kiley is usually tight lipped but if she does say anything, she always says how Amy loves me a lot, and how Amy is so excited about marriage. Last month, I hung out with Kiley and her boyfriend at their house.

Amy and I usually hang out with them for dinners, but Amy had gone out of town for a couple of days. Anyways, we all got pretty drunk and laughing a lot and I was begging Kiley to tell me one bad thing Amy has told about me to her friends.

After a lot of pleading, Kiley finally said that one thing Amy had joked about was how she had better s*x before, and I was not the greatest at s*x, but that she was with for me the complete package, because she doesn’t care about s*x too much. I was drunk then so I just laughed it off, but I felt somewhat stung then.

The next day, when I got sober, I felt extremely stung. I thought about a lot, and when Amy came back from her vacation, I asked her about it casually. She initially denied it, and said we always have amazing s*x, and she’s always satisfied. I told her it really wouldn’t hurt me if she told me the truth, and marriage was built on honesty, so I asked her again a couple of times.

Amy finally admitted that she did in fact say that I was not the best at s*x to her friend group, but she was just joking about it, because I had so many other great qualities she wanted to highlight. I laughed it off initially, but that stung me even more. I couldn’t hide my mood the next couple of days. I felt sad and felt like s**t. Amy apologized a lot, and said she did not mean what she said.

A couple of days later, I told Amy I could no longer be with her, and what she told her friend group hurt me too much. I informed everyone over the next week that I was calling off the wedding. Amy was distraught, and tried to convince me multiple times and apologized a lot. But I was too mentally downtrodden. AITAH?

The comments came rolling in.

dondegroovily wrote:

"I told her it wouldn't hurt me if she told the truth and that marriage was built on honesty."

Or maybe not.

AldusPrime wrote:

Does it seem weird to anyone else that the OP is begging his friend to tell him bad things his fiancee is saying about him? I'm just trying to imagine that happening in real life. If I thought my fiancee (now wife) had been saying bad things about me behind my back, I wouldn't have married her. This whole thing seems super weird.

Cherryberrybean wrote:

Wow dude. You're definitely not ready to be married.

SpiceWeaselOG wrote:

He's been looking for a way out. Which is why he constantly pushed the friend for anything bad the fiance said. He needed ANYTHING to justify ending the relationship.

Waste_Ad_6467 wrote:

He was searching for a way to leave. Imagine taking something like that out of context to breakup bc your ego is that fragile. Say what she said was in all seriousness, she also complimented him multiple times making it clear she adores him…why would you not say “ok, challenge accepted! How can I make it better?”

The next day, OP shared an update.

I understand I am insecure, I am not hiding the fact that I’m insecure. I just wish my fiancee did not tell her friends about my s*x life, especially to Kiley. If Amy had only told me and not her friends, I would have definitely still felt hurt, but at least this would have only been between us. I definitely wouldn’t broken up with her either, and would have even tried to improve our s*x life.

I always asked Kiley what Amy thought about me because yes I was insecure, and I wanted to fix any of my flaws before marriage. But I never expected that it would have been about my s*x life. I thought maybe a character flaw, maybe I wasn’t romantic enough or not taking her out on enough dates or something along those lines. But never about my s*x life.

I felt even more hurt after hearing that Amy said I wasn’t great at s*x, because Amy never gave me any indication of that in 5 years. But now I’m too ashamed to face her friends, especially Kiley. Kiley has reached out to me many times, but I’m too embarrassed to even text her now. I understand how my actions have had to a lot of unintended cascading effects.

I know Amy is hurting really bad now because she was really excited about our marriage and future. My family is hurting really bad, her family is hurting too. Kiley and Amy are no longer on speaking terms. I heard from one of my friends that Kiley broke up with her boyfriend, but I’m not sure if that’s related to this incident.

I already asked my company for a transfer to a different state, and am going to be moving to different state in two months. I have lost not only my fiancee, but also my best friend who I’ve known my entire life. Yes, I am not in the best of places now mentally, but I will try to start fresh in two months.

The internet did not hold back.

ToolBoxBuddy wrote:

You’ve called off your marriage, alienated your best friend, and now are moving to a whole new state because your your fiancée said you weren’t great in bed? Lol what the hell?

That’s wild man… hope you find peace within yourself some day so you don’t keep doing this to yourself and to the people who’ve invested themselves into you emotionally. You're still young so there’s more than enough time to work on yourself.

doumascult wrote:

Please seek the help of a therapist. breaking off an engagement and moving away is not a normal response to this type of situation. I’m genuinely concerned there are some undiagnosed issues lying beneath the surface. This was petty relationship drama that has cascaded into something else entirely because of your knee-jerk reactions.

Please pause and reevaluate with the help of a professional. You’re making too many quick decisions based on impulse, and based on the last post, that’s not working out too well for you.

WestRest4299 wrote:

What the f#$k this is so stupid. You literally blew your life up because you're self centered and insecure. How is s*x life different from not taking her out on enough dates? It's only more humiliating because YOU assign it that primal value as a man. For many women it's far more embarrassing if a man emotionally neglects them than if he's not the greatest in bed.

She did nothing wrong. I am SURE you've complained about her or friends or family behind their back for things like this. You just specifically can't handle it being about s*x because you want to think you're great at it. Its about YOU, you completely destroyed your life for nothing.

No_Assistance_5565 wrote:

Honestly man just chill. There's a part of everyone that wants to blow up their life and move away. I know I do sometimes. You actually did it. Now you can be single and honestly get better at f#@kin or whatever. You’re young anyway. Hopefully moving to a bigger city with more women and young people. It's gonna be fun.

Well, this certainly escalated.