Man refuses to let friend live with him 'temporarily' rent-free, 'temporarily can mean a year if you're financially irresponsible.'
Is it wrong to not let me friend live in my house rent-free?
ChrisPrinceTong18 writes:
I'm currently wrestling with a moral dilemma and could use some unbiased opinions. I'm a 36-year-old man who owns a two-bedroom house. I've worked hard to buy this place, and it's been my sanctuary after years of living in cramped apartments.
The issue at hand involves my close friend, Alex. He's recently gone through a tough time—lost his job and had to move out of his apartment. Knowing that I have a spare room, Alex asked if he could stay with me temporarily, rent-free, until he gets back on his feet.
Now, I'm all for helping a friend in need, but I'm hesitant for a couple of reasons. First, Alex has a history of being somewhat irresponsible with money and jobs. I'm worried this could turn into a long-term situation. Second, I value my personal space and the quiet environment I've created in my home.
Alex argues that this is what friends are for—to help each other out in times of need. He's mentioned how he would do the same for me if our roles were reversed. Some mutual friends think I'm being selfish, considering I have the space and he's in a tough spot.
On the other hand, I feel it's important to protect my space and the lifestyle I've worked hard to build. I'm worried about the strain it could put on our friendship if things don't go as planned.
I'm torn between wanting to help a friend and needing to maintain the boundaries I've set for my home and life. Am I the a%#hole for not wanting to let my friend live in my spare room rent-free?
Here are some of the top comments from the post:
Special_Lychee_6847 says:
NTA (Not the A%#hole). 'I'm really sorry, Alex. I am very private, and have no patience with ppl in my personal space. I know our friendship would not survive sharing a living space. I'll gladly help you move (if you would, otherwise don't offer), but it's not going to be into my home.'
no_one_you_know1 says:
NTA. Asking to live with you rent free at all is incredibly presumptuous. And once he digs himself in you will never get him out.
imachillin says:
NTA. Letting someone move into your space is a BIG DEAL! You already mentioned he is bad with money and the minute he establishes residency he will be very hard to get rid of if he doesn’t want to go.
Those mutual friends should keep quiet! It’s not their home and they aren’t the ones that may have to kick him out one day. I don’t envy your dilemma.
Outside_Top7292 says:
NTA. If your friends are as concerned as they say. Then they can put him up too. Why do "friends" always say you should step up? What's stopping these friends from offering a spare room or couch or air mattress.
ShyexGI says:
NTA. Dude, what "moral dilemma?" You already know this "temporary," rent-free bs is going to disrupt your life and end badly. Why entertain f%#king YOURSELF over. What is "temporary", one month, one year, to infinity and beyond?
Is this rent-free bs until he decides to leave. While he's running up your utility bills up, eating your food, and leaving messes throughout your house, are there boundaries on parties, having friends over, inviting partners for sleepovers, coming and going all hours of the day and night, loud music, etc. The disruptions to your life, peace, and happiness are endless!
A sentence to your post should say, "I'm worried about the strain it could put on our friendship if" I DON'T DO WHAT HE WANTS. Yes, friends help each other but not to the detriment of another friend and not to this extreme.
He needs to reach out to his family. This is not your problem to fix. Helping a friend also means putting out job feelers, being an emotional support, helping him move, floating a small loan, etc.
Anyone saying you're selfish tell them THEY are selfish for not disrupting their lives and offering their place when you didn't agree to Alex moving on. They can judge you, but they need to look in a mirror and admit they didn't help him either.
You may lose friends by standing up for yourself, but real friends don't guilt or bully people into doing what they want them to do. That's disrespectful and selfish.
What do you think? Should OP let his friend stay with them rent-free?