'AITA for still looking 'hot' around my friend's husband who has a crush on me?' UPDATED
"AITA for continue to wear makeup and dress in my normal style around a friend who thinks her husband has a crush on me?"
suziewoozie420 says:
My (29f) friend (31f) has told me that her husband (35m) has a crush on me and has recently told her that he fantasizes about me. This already makes me feel very awkward, but now she has asked if I can stop wearing makeup and wear baggy clothes around him.
We went out for dinner last night at a reasonably expensive restaurant with a few others (7 of us in total), and she texted me when I got home, saying she was angry at me for ‘looking hot’ after she asked me not to wear makeup.
She’s my friend, and I want to do the right thing, but there’s nothing I could wear that is baggy that would have suited the restaurant we were in (Michelin-starred). My style is very conservative, and I was wearing a very average dress with heels.
I’ve written out several responses ranging from an apology to being quite rude but wanted to sense-check my thoughts here before I go back to her. I don’t want to make life difficult for her, but what she’s asking for feels unreasonable. AITA?
OP added some context in the comments of the post:
CoverCharacter8179 says:
Total NTA. For one thing, I don't think it's possible to dress appropriately for a nice restaurant without looking "hot" to someone who already finds you attractive. And more generally, as long as you're not hitting on the husband, or intentionally dressing provocatively to catch his attention (which it sounds like you're not), then this is a her problem, not a you problem.
Here's another point: why on earth did she tell you that her husband has the hots for you? Completely inappropriate, this is something to be handled within the marriage.
OP responded:
I’m not sure why she told me either, the first time she said it was ‘cute’ that he had a crush on me then she started getting a bit more detailed about it.
dryadduinath says:
NTA. If she thinks it’s okay to ask a friend to wear baggy clothing to dinner out with a group, she should feel more than comfortable telling her husband not to look. In fact, with her absolute audacity she could tell him to wear a blindfold.
It feels unreasonable because it is. Even telling you about this was gross, asking you to manage it for her, at your own expence, is worse. In fact, how about she leave her man at home, since apparently he can’t stop himself from being creepy about her friends. (Or she’s the one being creepy, either way it’s not yours to manage).
StAlvis says:
NTA. If you're friend's so concerned, she's free to dress better than you. But this is ultimately a her-problem, and very much not a you-problem.
OP provided an update sevearl hours later.
While I was reading your responses, he just liked an old Instagram pic from way back (bikini pic!). He is now blocked.
I responded with the following: “Sorry it’s taken me a while to reply, but I wanted to consider this properly and not react emotively. I’m sorry you feel that way, but I don’t think it’s fair or reasonable to ask me to change how I look because of your husband.
My advice is to speak to (husband’s name) and work on your relationship because projecting your issues onto me isn’t going to help you, but it will damage our friendship. You have nothing to be insecure about; you’re the most beautiful person inside and out I’ve ever met. I’m here for you if you want to talk through it, but ultimately I can’t help it if I’m smoking hot (just kidding). Xxx”.
Five minutes after I pressed send she knocked on my door (she was already on her way) with a bunch of flowers and cried and gave me hug while apologizing. She told me they were having problems and it was wrong of her to take it out on me. we’ve had a long chat and I’m going to be there to support my friend.