"WIBTA for telling mutual friends about another friend behaving inappropriately towards my husband?"

I met my friend (we'll call her Kay) about a year ago through two mutual friends and we hit it off, becoming quite close. She had been in a relationship for 6 years. Last Thanksgiving, her boyfriend cheated on her and they ended the relationship. It was very traumatic for her.

Last week, Kay sent out a message saying she was planning to go on a date, but she was hoping to make it a double date to help her ease back into things. Our other two friends and their significant others were busy. My husband and I agreed to go with her. We met at a restaurant and before her date arrived, my husband complimented her dress.

His exact words were, "That dress looks very elegant on you. The color is unique." Both statements were true. Now, my husband and his family compliment people quite often. This was her second or third time meeting my husband so she may not have known this.

The date was fun. My husband and I used a giftcard to pay for like 75% of the bill and her date paid for the rest. The following interaction took place via text between my friend the next day: “You need to tell _____ to stop making comments about other women. That’s how affairs start.”

I told her I disagreed. She responded:

“As someone who was cheated on, trust me, I know. I can’t believe you are okay with _____ looking at my dress. I was pissed off for you.”

I told her that if she is uncomfortable with him complimenting her then she can tell him herself and that he’ll respect her boundary/wishes. She replied with, “🙄 Don’t come crying to me when you catch him with another woman. 🚩 🚩 🚩 ”

I showed my husband the text messages the next day. At first he just said, "What the hell?!" but after he read it a second time, he reassured me that he didn't mean anything by the compliment, and as long as I know that, that's all that matters.

I texted her and told her that I felt like I needed some space after her accusation and told her that I found it very, inappropriate, but if she wanted to talk about it, then we could. Later that day my husband calls me on his lunch break and I could tell he was uncomfortable. He said Kay sent him a friend request on Facebook.

He declined it, understandably, not wanting to be friends with someone who thought he was a cheater. He went out with his cousin that night, but when he got home he woke me up and showed me that she sent him the same amount of money we had paid during the dinner on CashApp.

She and I have sent money back and forth on CashApp before so we weren't sure why she searched out my husband and sent it to him. At that point, he was becoming uncomfortable. He let the transaction time out because he was afraid that accepting it would give her reason to keep contacting us (asking for it back) and that sending it back would look like a paper trail of *him* sending *her* money.

I texted her and told her not to contact us for the time being. However, the next day, she sent him another request on Facebook. This time he blocked her and was rather distressed.

One of our two mutual friends also sent me screenshots of Kay telling her that she thought my husband was going to cheat on me... because of the compliment! The friend vouched for him and told her to leave it alone. This was before she even texted me the first time.

Phew. That brings us to today. I do not like sharing gossip among friends. However, I have been contemplating telling our two mutual friends that Kay and I are not speaking. Firstly, because I don't want us to accidentally end up at the same outing or in a group chat.

But also, I kind of want to know if she talks more about my husband. However, I do not want to tarnish their friendship with Kay. WIBTA if I told them some or all of what transpired?

What do you think? WIBTA? This is what top commenters had to say:

MmeGenevieve said:

NTA. It sounds like it's information that needs to be shared. Kay may be having a breakdown, is hypersensitive because of her breakup, or she is really troubled and it just wasn't apparent until this incident with your husband.

What I don't understand--is she is trying to have an affair with your husband or is she trying to bait him? Either way, her actions could cause tons of damage, so your friends need to be warned. I'd just try and refrain from vicious gossip, just state the facts.

sfrancisch5842 said:

My opinion, you’re NTA. She fired the first shot, so to speak, by telling your mutual friend that she thinks your husband is going to cheat. Then she tries to set him up. Absolutely tell your friends what transpired so they can avoid her toxicity. It’s a sad state when a man can’t even issue a simple compliment to a woman.

On a side note, good for you and your husband for having a healthy marriage where you communicate with each other!

Diligent-Ad6365 said:

Kay doesn’t need to be going on dates. She needs to be getting herself some therapy. NTA. She’s projecting her own hurt and issues onto someone else. Her fears are understandable. Her reaction to them are not.

UPDATE:

I called each of my friends and explained to them what happened. I told them about the texts and the repeated contact attempts on social media and that my husband and I don't want any contact with her moving forward.

They both shared that they've been worried about her recently because it seems like she's gone from being a shy, relatively conservative kind of girl to suddenly very outgoing and one of them even said she's been doing "risky" things that aren't like her. She didn't go into detail. But they both agreed to try to encourage her to get some help. Thank you again everyone for your thoughts. :)