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'My friend said I ruined her birthday because of my 'weight problem', I just wanted better seating. AITA?'

'My friend said I ruined her birthday because of my 'weight problem', I just wanted better seating. AITA?'


I can't fit into booths at restaurants and that apparently ruined my friend's birthday.

Dapper-Elk-5738 writes:

Me (24f) and my friends were out recently to celebrate my friend Sarah’s (26f) birthday. For some context, I’m morbidly obese and I can’t fit in booths at all. I find it hard sitting down when the tables don’t move, and it’s also just painful and uncomfortable anyway.

My friends know this, and generally when we eat out, we get a table. However, because of the fact that it’s my friend’s birthday, we went to her favorite restaurant where it’s mainly booths. We tried to get a table, but there weren’t any, so we were sat at a booth.

I found it hard to get into, and it was really pressing against my stomach, but I managed for a while. I mentioned to one of my friends that it would be nicer if they had better seating here, and she agreed. I mentioned this a few times over the course of the night because it was hurting, and everyone agreed. I wasn’t complaining much, just venting a bit.

Before we were about to go home, though, Sarah talked to me privately and told me that I was taking attention away from her and her birthday by mentioning the seat thing a lot and making a big deal out of it. She said that she tried to accommodate me a lot, but it can’t always happen, and I need to take responsibility for my weight and manage it.

I apologized and said okay, but she just left. Now I’m really starting to wonder if I’m the a%@#ole for complaining. I asked my roommate about this yesterday, and she agrees and said that I was being selfish.

I really wasn’t trying to be ungrateful for celebrating her birthday here; I was just getting my frustrations out, and I’m obviously thankful when she accommodated me. But AITA, should I just have dealt with it silently?

OP provided a small update:

I will apologize to my friend more tomorrow. Please stop offering me weight loss advice/assuming my situation or being rude to me; it is already embarrassing enough opening up like this online, let alone to 450 comments. I’m a person behind the screen too. Thank you.

Here are the top comments:

Greygal_Eve says:

You are not the a%@%ole for mentioning it once; YTA (You're the A%&*ole) for bringing it up repeatedly. Sincerely, I hope you can find help to manage your weight. At 24, you can still turn things around and get to a healthier state of being. You deserve to enjoy things like sitting in a booth, fitting in a movie theater seat, buying clothes off the rack, etc., etc.

At 26, I was over 330 pounds. I don't even know how fat I was because the scale at my doctor's office maxed out at 330 pounds. I was very, very unhealthy even though I felt like I was okay, but when he called me with the blood test results a few days later and flat-out told me if I didn't make some changes now, I would be lucky to see 30, it scared the sh%t out of me.

He told me to start by going for a walk every single day ("doesn't matter how short or long, just start walking") and cutting out fast food (which I was eating 2-3 times a day), which I did. He said he never tells anyone to go on a diet because diet's always fail, but instead, tells people one or two things to change that start them moving in a healthier direction, then work on another one or two things to change, rinse and repeat.

Long story short ... 16 months later, I had lost at least 180 pounds; got myself into the 150s. It's 33 years later, I'm now 59 years old, and I'm still in my 150s. All my friends are dealing with diabetes, high blood pressure, etc., and I'm not. I have no medical problems whatsoever except my lifelong allergies. I still go for a walk every day.

Plastic-Abroc67a8282 says:

"I mentioned to one of my friends that it would be nicer if they had better seating here and she agreed." Perfectly reasonable! "I mentioned this a few times over the course of the night."No longer reasonable. YTA

EmpressJainaSolo says:

YTA for repeating your complaints. Mentioning it is understandable. However, once you were certain your message was understood you should have continued with the night.

Your choices were to leave, to find other seating, or to decide to stay and try to enjoy the night. If it was as uncomfortable as it sounds I hope no one would have begrudged you for leaving early or asking for chair. Your choice to stay, but to keep the focus on how uncomfortable you were, didn’t actually do anything to make the situation better for yourself.

I almost want to go ESH (Everyone Sucks Here) for your friend’s dig about your weight. And yet if your behavior that night was typical it’s hard to say how much of her comment was judgement about your appearance and how much was frustration that your typical reaction to these situations is complaining without doing anything else to address the issue.

WelfordNedferd says:

YTA. You mentioned it once, and your friend agreed that better seating would have been nice. That's where it should have ended. Birthday or not, what did you hope to achieve by repeatedly complaining about it?

What do you think? Was OP wrong to bring up the seating issues.

Sources: Reddit
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