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'My friend says it's my fault her jerk BF can't get a job, but I didn't interview him.'

'My friend says it's my fault her jerk BF can't get a job, but I didn't interview him.'


My (27 F) friend's BF is a jerk who can't find a job, and my friend blames me for his failure.

Fine-Hotel-4950 says:

I have a friend, Natalie, who has a boyfriend, Jamie. Jamie is a complete jerk. He's one of those people who makes bellow-the-belt jokes and then calls you sensitive if you don't find it funny.

In the 18 months I have known him, he has called Natalie' fat', 'average,' and 'boring' to her face too many times to count. He has called many of our mutual friends rude and demeaning and has purposefully antagonized me on many occasions. We all put up with him because if we don't, we'd never see Natalie, but he is the butt of every joke and a walking cliché.

My roommate Harry recently had a job open in his company that Natalie asked him to interview Jamie for. Harry is part of our wider friendship group (his friend is dating one of the girls in our group) and has met Jamie but has not spent much time with him, so he thought he was an alright guy.

I decided to keep out of it because I know Jamie has been unemployed for a while, and it has affected Natalie. However, when Harry mentioned he would interview Jamie at our apartment, he could see I was uncomfortable.

I didn't mention anywhere near the extent of Jamie's behavior; I just said he'd made a couple of demeaning remarks to/about me, and I wasn't overly keen on being around when he was. I told Harry not to do anything about this and that he should hire the best person for the job.

Harry went through with the interview, but he made Jamie do a lot of prep work and a presentation to other employees and then made the interview extremely long for no reason. Then, in the end, he said he wouldn't hire him.

Jamie got mad at Natalie over it, and she got mad at me, saying I shouldn't have said anything about Jamie knowing how great the job would be and how hard it is to get jobs in the field.

On top of that, I should have been sensitive to his unemployment and ignorant of how difficult the job market is. She's now not speaking to me, and our friends are divided. Two think I shouldn't have said anything because Jamie needs the work, and ultimately it would have been helping Natalie.

One friend thinks it's fair that I expressed not wanting Jamie in my home and that I owed it to Harry to tell him because Jamie is an HR problem waiting to happen.

On the one hand, yes, his off-the-clock behavior shouldn't cost Jamie a job, but on the other hand, why should I have to cover up for the way Jamie is? If honesty makes him look bad, then maybe that's his problem. Then again, it was some petty antics with real-life consequences, so perhaps I shouldn't have said anything. I'm not sure whether I should apologize.

Edit - for everyone wondering how it got out that I told Harry. Jamie went home and went off on Natalie about him not getting the job, as it was a lock with Harry doing it as a favor to Nat. She figured the only person who would have changed Harry's mind about doing her a turn was me, so she called, and I told her the truth. She then told everyone else.

Here are some of the top-rated comments from the post.

Slight_Nail_5869 says:

NTA (Not the A#%hole) - tell him it was only a joke and to stop being so sensitive.

RMaua says:

NTA. It is likely that Harry didn't make the interview extremely long 'for no reason.' He did it to test Jamie on the things that came up in your conversation. To see if your passing comments were just you having a personality conflict with a nice guy or if the things you mentioned would be issues in his work.

It is likely that the interactions with other employees were to see if others got an uncomfortable vibe. Most people can put on a good front for a short interview. Putting them in more real-world situations shakes people out of their 'best behavior' so you can see who they would be on the job.

You did nothing wrong. Jamie only has himself to blame for not getting the job. That he got angry at Natalie because he didn't get a job tells you much about someone not taking responsibility for their actions.

That kind of behavior would totally come up in interactions with his potential co-workers and likely had more to do with why Jamie didn't get the job than anything you said. If he had got the job, he would likely have failed his probation period anyway.

SadFlatworm1436 says:

NTA you said his 'off the clock' behaviour shouldn't cost him a job but he only got this opportunity because of your friendship group so, unfortunately for him, his off the clock behaviour is a known factor for the employer it’s his own attitude that has cost him this loss of job.

Plus, why is your home being used for an interview location? That’s just weird and you have every right to protect your home and keep it a safe space for you.

What do you think? Should OP feel bad for 'costing' Jaime a job, or is this all consequences of Jaime's behaior?

Sources: Reddit
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