'My friend’s sister was openly flirting with my husband in front of me. I told her off publicly.' UPDATED

There are times when you simply must let people know you're not the one to mess with.

In a popular post on the Relationship Advice subreddit, a woman shared the saga of calling out her friend's flirtatious sister. She wrote:

"Friend’s sister (20s F) was openly flirting with my husband (40M) in front of me (31F). I told her off publicly and now they want a public apology from me. What action should I take so that I don’t ruin my friendship?"

I(31F) am close friends with Lisa (33F) we met at college, and became roommates and I love her to death. Lisa has a sister ‘Amy’ (20’s F) whom I’ve met occasionally in college but she was so young at that time we never really hung out. Lisa had a bridal shower in February and I financially contributed to most of it since I wasn’t able to be there in person to help with the planning.

I gave money to Amy to pay for everything, the decor, food and alcohol. I even paid for an overnight stay at a hotel for all 7 girls. I did all of this because I couldn’t make it to her bachelorette party the week before, I had also paid for the limo Amy wanted to host the party in.

At the shower I saw Amy and she was gushing about how I had spent a lot of money on Lisa. I just said if it’s for Lisa I would have paid for anything. Amy was hinting that my job was paying so much money for me to spend on Lisa this much. I’m a new surgeon just graduated from residency, I got a pay bump but not a lot.

I’m lucky because my husband is supporting me while I go through fellowship. My husband (40M) is a doctor too but so much more advanced in his career than me. For my wedding gift he paid off the remainder of my student loans. He is amazing and I am obsessed with him. Wedding happened in March, my husband and I came for the wedding.

Family and close friends were invited to Lisa’s parent’s place for dinner after. Amy was very handsy with my husband even during the wedding she was asking him about his job how smart he was to be working in the ICU how hot he was how he looks like a young Alain Delon bla bla.

My husband was giving me signals to come to him and I did. This happened at least two more times. At Lisa’s parent’s, Amy was wrapping her arm around my husbands back and was serving him drinks and food.

I told Lisa’s mom about how Amy’s making me and my husband very uncomfortable and her mom pulled her aside and told her off i think because she came out grumpy. She was still acting like a crazed teenager because when we wanted to leave she wouldn’t give my husband his jacket back to him and kept sniffing it.

I had a feeling that she was drunk and completely out of it. My husband raised his voice and told her to stop messing around and give it to him. I yelled “can you stop being so difficult you’ve been shamelessly flirting with my husband in front of me the whole day give me the d*mn jacket and leave us alone.”

I got a text from Lisa’s mom demanding I publicly apologize to Amy as in post on social media a heartfelt apology because some of the guests heard me yell at her and thought I was overreacting and humiliated her.

Lisa is on my side and told me Amy has always had gold digging tendencies and that this isn’t the first time she’d done something like this. She flirted with her friend’s dad and their next door neighbour who is married when she thought that they were wealthy. Lisa said that she’ll handle it. I already felt so bad I ruined the last moments of her wedding day and now she has to deal with this.

I’m ruminating on this a lot lately and wondering if I should apologize to Amy. I don’t want to but then again if I did, I would explain exactly what happened and how it merited my reaction to her. Though this might add fuel to the fire. There is so much drama right now and I want to preserve my friendship with Lisa.

TL;DR: My friend’s sister flirting with my husband, I ‘embarrassed’ her and now she wants a public apology. I’m thinking of doing it but detailing exactly what happened and might paint her in a bad light. But all this drama could cost my friendship with my friend.

The internet had a lot to say in response.

HilMickaelson wrote:

Are you kidding me? That girl publicly flirted with your husband and showed no respect for you, your husband, or your relationship. You didn't say anything wrong to her; you simply stated the truth.

If she and her family didn't like it, it's not your problem. Don't humiliate yourself by apologizing to her because all you'll accomplish is validating her behavior and essentially telling her that she's free to keep flirting and pursuing your husband. Stop having the spine of a jellyfish and stand your ground. Be careful because after that incident, she might try to contact your husband behind your back.

bored-panda55 wrote:

Do not apologize. Tell the mom your husband is the one that deserves the apology from from Amy for stepping over boundaries and harassing your husband all night. This wasn’t just flirting this was down right sexual harassment of your husband. He said no how many times?

If her daughter hadn’t been s*xually harassing him even after they and you talked to her, you wouldn’t have had to call her out. From the sounds of it Lisa understands why it happened. Amy should apologize to her as well.

jamicam wrote:

Are the guests at the wedding also your Facebook friends? I don't understand how a public apology on social media would work in this case...I mean, I imagine the guests include aunts, uncles, neighbors, etc., of the family. Are they really going to see your FB apology?

OP responded:

Her mom wants me to tag her and Lisa so that their family can see it. I don’t even use facebook anymore but her family are still active on it.

Decent_Bandicoot122 wrote:

You are a physician just starting out in your career and the mom expects a public apology on social media? Is she just as deluded as her 20 year old daughter? If anyone is owed an apology, it is you and your husband. Her daughter's behavior is vile. Let your friend handle her mother and sister.

DisastrousPanda55-30 wrote:

Do NOT apologize. You did nothing wrong. No wonder Amy acts like this because her family enables her. Why did your husband not say anything sooner? Like when she put her hands on him?

He also should have called her out on her behavior the moment she was being inappropriate. She is going to try and get with him. I have no doubt she will reach out to him. Either on social media or if she gets a hold of his phone number.

A little less than a week later, OP shared an update.

Keeping it as short as I can and typos galore cuz I’m on call. Previous post got so popular that Amy’s mom found it and texted me to take down (in all caps). I got around to read most of the comments a day after I posted when I finished my shift. I didn’t not apologize to anyone or did anything at all frankly I forgot about it since I had people close to dying on me left and right at work.

I gaslit Amy’s mom into thinking that I never did such a thing and that I did not have a Reddit account (she believed it I think since she didn’t text me back, cmon the details I put in that post were exactly what she experienced and she didn’t find it odd?). For clarification:

One of you said I had a spine of a jellyfish (loved that comment) and not apologizing was the right thing to do. I was hesitant and was actually considering giving that apology because of the fact that she fed me and let me stay in her home during Thanksgiving and Christmas many years ago when I couldn’t go home to my family.

I’m the kind of person who’ll remember every good thing you do for me and do my best to reciprocate or get even so as to not be indebted to you. Idk what kind of mental illness is that, I never retained much of the psychiatric info from med school.

A lot of people insinuated that me being docile and restrained in those kinds of situations makes me a bad surgeon to which i say i beg your effing pardon. Would you want someone who’s operating on you have a criminal record for causing bodily harm/homicide?

Also I’ve dealt with worse than Amy I’ve survived handling 19 psychotic patients with TBIs for a whole rotation. Me being aggressive would have gotten me kicked out of my fellowship.

Things that have transpired: I tried to avoid contacting Lisa since she went off on her honeymoon but because of the popularity of my previous post I decided to give her a heads up. Lisa was more than apologetic, in fact she facetimed me and we had a very teary conversation about her family.

There were a lot more going on that I never knew but mine and my husband’s involvement in her family drama was the last straw. She had decided to go no contact with her mom and sister. She also warned me that Amy might approach my husband in some way but no idea how. She’s also getting her extended family involved about Amy.

My husband does not have any social media (so hot) and he did not give out his number to anyone at all during the wedding. He is anal about loyalty and transparency in our marriage. We have access to each other’s electronics. I know he would never cheat on me. 3 days ago someone called my husband’s clinic asking to get his number for an ‘emergency’ and that she needed to get a hold of his wife.

The nurse who answered refused to give a physician’s personal number and the conversation got heated. My husband’s colleague, another intensivist, took over and asked her to tell him what the emergency was so that he could tell my husband himself.

The person on the phone argued some more and when the doctor wouldn’t give she hung up. That friend told my husband what happened and said the woman didn’t give her name but had a very high pitched child-like voice. My husband immediately knew it was Amy but we have no proof.

I know it was her, she must have searched my husband’s name on google and found where he worked since his professional profile is online along with the name of his hospital. I’m getting more and more irritated by this whole thing and have gone full on mama bear mode over my husband.

He was furiously annoyed after the wedding and was saying if the genders were switched he would have definitely gotten punched not even halfway through the wedding. My husband had terrible experiences with women before, two women at different times tried to baby trap him, one did some Sherlock level manipulation and one harassed us when we were dating.

He is usually a cool and calm guy but now he hasn’t been smiling or joking around with me like he always does ever since the wedding. Anywho, my uncle (our lawyer) was consulted, security at my husband’s dept and around our home have been notified. Thank you guys.

PS: Kelly if you’re reading this, do something about your younger daughter before something bad happens. Also you don’t deserve your older daughter.

Edit: a Moriarty level manipulation…now that makes more sense not sherlock tf.

The comments came rolling in.

I3ex_G wrote:

D*mn, can your lawyer uncle draft a letter to scare Amy? Just outlining what she is doing is harassment and the outcome if she continues? Sounds like Amy might need mental help and threats of repercussions might force her mother’s hand to getting her help. Is the dad around? I hope other family members will start pressuring Amy to get help.

OP responded:

Nope, we couldn’t prove it was Amy that called. We just have to wait and see if she does anything. Our only hope is that she stays broke and can’t afford to travel to where we live since it’s far from hers. Her dad’s dead. I hope so too.

procrastinating_b wrote:

Why’s everyone got an uncle lawyer lol

OP responded:

I’m half Asian. That uncle is Asian too. That should answer your question

Forsaken_Woodpecker1 wrote:

I’m rolling this response is hilarious 🤣

AggressiveMuffin13 wrote:

The audacity of these people! I had my jaw on the floor for the entire post 😂 I believe that the way you handled this situation - chef’s kiss. No one should mess with your husband or your relationship like this. It makes me sick to my stomach knowing that there are women out there that enjoy flirting with another woman’s husband or messing with a relationship, just disgusting.

I would definitely not apologise. I don’t see why. There are plenty of available men out there. Why go for the taken one? Why go through all this just to get his number? He’s married and clearly not interested. She should just get a life and leave yours alone 😑

itsallfromchina wrote:

Men or women that get kicks out of dipping (trying to bait a committed spouse of someone else into bad behavior) like this turn my stomach. I've been around them and have heard how they discuss things they will try and creep in these relationships. Always stand your ground, defend your home, relationship and spouse and never let the devil try to bring down your boundaries. Hat's off to you!

GullibleNerd88 wrote:

If the mom is reading this, your younger daughter is a psycho. Get her some help and stop enabling.

Big yikes all around, but OP definitely isn't TA.