'My GF of 7 months wants to quit her job because I won a significant amount of lottery money.' UPDATED

"My GF (33) of 7 months wants to quit her job because I (M/31) won a significant amount of money in the lottery."

My GF and I have had a a pretty tumultuous relationship, which has seen us broken up twice already. I've been the initiator of the split both times, always because of her extreme, unrelenting clinginess and lack of trust. We don't live with each other obviously.

Why we're still together is a bit of a mystery to me. I love her, for sure, and we can get along well together, but we also have very different ideas of what constitutes an acceptable amount of personal space and privacy. When I try to tell her that she is smothering me she basically shrugs and says she isn't changing. The past two months we've had a slight shelter from our usual storms and it hasn't been as bad.

She's still very clingy and constantly accuses me of chatting and meeting other girls (I haven't), keeps close tabs on what I am doing or who I am hanging out with, etc etc, but I keep at it because I believe I'd be alone for a long time without her and am, frankly, afraid of that. It doesn't help that she's also told me much the same.. that I would be alone without her.

Cut to a few weeks ago, I won a lot of money in the lottery, paid in lump sum. It's all very new to me and very, very surreal and I haven't really done much with it all yet but talk to some financial advisors to figure it all out, but it's readily acknowledged I am in a position to retire. The only two things I have done so far is take a month off from work to sort through things and get very drunk on expensive scotch with my sister.

I have a lot of friends right now. I know who my friends are and plan on doing nice things for them all, however, my g/f is now asking me if she can quit her job. When I asked her why she would, she said because I have money...that if she had won that much money she'd have given me x amount of money without a thought because that's what people do for those they love.

Anyways, it didn't take long for her to start accusing me of wanting to ditch her now that I'm rich and how she was so stupid not have seen it before, all because I don't want to give her a s**tload of money.

I am in an awkward position now. What am I to do? I am not a stingy or shallow person, but this relationship was rocky before all of this. I am afraid of looking shallow I guess even though I believe I am being practical. And while I am not necessarily clamoring for us to split right now, I feel like this will be an issue as long as we're together.

TL;DR :Won the lottery. Girlfriend wants to quit her job now and buy a place together. We were very rocky before, but cutting now also seems shallow.

The internet had a lot to say in response.

jesstall wrote:

It's been 7 months and you've broken up twice already. Dump and run!

OP responded:

The argument is: I think she is overly smothering and she thinks I am afriad of intimacy, so sometimes I second-guess my rationale. But she is certainly very keen on knowing everything I do. Like of she sees I am online and it's not writing a lovey email to her, it's an argument all night. I realize it sounds cut and dry...but she does have her good qualities.

MrLinderman wrote:

You've yet to mention any. Re-read what you've wrote and ask yourself based on only what was written, what your advice to a different person who wrote that would be.

Psimitry wrote:

Nope, nope, nope. You have this windfall and suddenly she thinks she's on easy street and never has to work again? F. That. You have MUCH bigger fish to fry than your dating life. You need to talk to a financial consultant and find a way to make this money last so that you don't end up yet another cautionary tale.

You need to learn to be appropriately selfish in a big way, and most likely, you're going to have to end your relationships with a lot of people. Otherwise you are going to be expected to pay for pretty much everything and shamed when you don't. Don't f around with this - it could be the greatest or worst thing that has ever happened to you.

OP responded:

You hit the nail on the head. I do feel ashamed of thinking selfishly and I think I worry about being perceived as such. It's amazing how much some people have "opened up" to me the past weeks.

Jennzera wrote:

She is your girlfriend, not your fiancée or your wife. She has no right to quit her job and rely on you to support her. She is fully taking advantage of the situation, and is probably attempting to make you feel guilty by pulling the "if you break up with me, it's because you're rich now".

Who cares if you look shallow? She shouldn't assume that just because you happened to win a large amount of money that she is entitled to any life altering benefits from it.

I would sit her down and explain why exactly you are breaking up with her and explain why it has nothing to do with the newfound fortune. If she still accuses you of it being because of the money, you'll know she is just trying to emotionally manipulate you.

OP responded:

"She is your girlfriend, not your fiancée or your wife. She has no right to quit her job and rely on you to support her. She is fully taking advantage of the situation, and is probably attempting to make you feel guilty by pulling the "if you break up with me, it's because you're rich now"." Extremely well said.

"Who cares if you look shallow?"

This seems to be my problem. She just texted me a while ago saying she accepted my quirks before I won the money and few ever did so before (I've only had two relationships) so to ditch her now proves money will change me. I feel guilty.

Gloopy_Sloop wrote:

"Saying she accepted my quirks before I won the money and few ever did so before (I've only had two relationships) so to ditch her now proves money will change me."

This SO reminds me of when I finally told my abusive ex-wife I was leaving and she said, "I'm the only person who would put up with your BS." "I feel guilty." Which I am sure is her intention. This is manipulative as hell. If you didn't think you had a reason to leave before, you do now.

Roughly three weeks later, OP shared an update.

A few people have messaged me asking for an update on this situation. In a word: nightmare. Suffice to say she was not happy when I told her that she needs to forget about the money for now and that we had serious problems in our relationship from before the win that we kept sweeping aside and all this has done is force us to have a conversation we needed to have anyways.

It got heated pretty quickly and I felt like we kept digressing into petty arguments about old stuff instead of sticking to the main issue. She suddenly took to calling me manipulative and emotionally ab#sive which took me completely off guard and had me scrambling to defend myself before it occurred to me that she was just trying to make me feel guilty again.

After probably four or five hours of getting nowhere I finally said that we are breaking up and there's nothing more to it. She got up from the couch, got her stuff, told me to go to hell, and slammed the door.

Next day the texts and emails started to come in saying that no one will love me like she did, how it's sad to see how money has changed me so quickly, hoping I have fun banging superficial escorts, on and on and on. I ignore the messages. The next day she calls and I ignore the call and she goes to voice mail and says she is crying and says she needs my help and has no one else to turn to and to please call her.

I don't call her back.

Thursday night around 11:30 pm the police are knocking at my door. Apparently a neighbour called in a loud domestic dispute from my apartment. I tell him I've been alone all night. He asks to take a look around and I say sure.

He says the neighbour who called is not answering their door nor their phone and asks if I recognise the last four digits of a number, which I don't, so he asks if I know of any reason why someone would call the police making such a claim. I tell him I did recently break up with a g/f on the weekend and we did yell so either someone took their time to call or my ex is not taking things well. We both agree it is strange.

I decide not to ask her about it.

Over the weekend I get a few emails/texts and calls from her that start off sweet/nostalgic and end up angry and accusing me of throwing her to the side and being heartless, among other things.

From the voice mails i can tell she is drunk. I can't resist so I ask her by email if she knew anything about the prank call to the police which of course she denies and then spins it back on me: do I really think her so petty? Why would I ever think that? It jist proves I never trusted her.

Back to arguing so I don't reply. So yesterday I log on to Facebook for the first time in a while and I notice over the past few days she's been adding my friends as friends. Nothing else, but it freaks me out. I send her a message asking why she's adding my friends and she essentially says it's a free country and that she couldn't have been so bad if my friends like her too.

All to say, I am wary and I am depressed and lonely and I have a feeling this is going to be a pain. Objectively I know this was a good move, but subjectively it's a whole other matter. Look forward to normal times.

The internet did not hold back.

RememberKoomValley wrote:

'No one will love me like she did."

Here's hoping, right? You should message your friends, though, and say that your ex is sending the cops to your house and such so they should watch out if she friends them out of nowhere.

OP responded:

I've locked my FB privacy settings down and emailed some friends. My closest friends and family are well in the know already of course.

Countpudyoola wrote:

Cut all ties. Burn the bridges. Block numbers. Block on FB. Document harassment.

OP responded:

Didn't think I'd need to block her number but you are likely right.

[deleted] wrote:

Nah, you need to. Every single option for communication with you is an open door to her. She is going to try them all one by one until she finds an open one. She's like a raptor, systematically checking the electric fence for weaknesses so she knows where to attack, is what I'm saying. So do the right thing and turn the entire fence on so she can't get in no matter what.