'AITA for not being 'worthy' of my GF because I'm 'pathetic' for eating donuts?'
AITA for being shocked and hurt after my girlfriend broke up with me because I ate a donut and failed “75 Hard”?
No_Alternative3280 writes:
Hey, I’m in a state of complete confusion and devastation right now and really need your help. I (27M) have been dating my girlfriend, "Layla" (24F), for a year. She's obsessed with fitness. Her diet is so extreme that her body fat is practically non-existent (only 9%), and she’s developed what I can only describe as orthorexic tendencies—obsessed with cleanliness and perfection in every aspect of her life.
Yes, she looks healthy since she has visible muscles, but her hair is falling out, she has very low libido and energy, and her bloodwork always shows multiple vitamin deficiencies. I've pointed out that what she's doing is unhealthy and extreme, but she got super mad, yelling that I'm encouraging gluttony and hedonism. She's usually a really calm person, but food seems to make her unreasonably angry.
I’m a casual gym-goer as well, and I try to just eat healthy and work out (with rest days, unlike her). I weigh a healthy amount, have a decent amount of strength, and I'm fine with that. She seems to get really upset with me when I miss a day at the gym, though.
Recently, she saw this trend of people doing 75 Hard on TikTok and told me that we should do it together. It seemed like a fun challenge, so I agreed, but I wasn’t too keen on necessarily finishing it; I just wanted to try the lifestyle out.
Last week, after a particularly stressful day at work, I decided to indulge in a donut. It was a small treat, and I knew it wasn’t in line with Layla’s program, but it felt like a minor concession given how much stress I’d been under.
Suddenly, she walked into the room and saw me eating the donut. She was beyond furious, saying that my lack of discipline was an outright betrayal of her commitment. She accused me of being disrespectful and selfish, claiming that my “failure” was utterly pathetic, calling me weak and pitiful.
Layla's anger was explosive and aggressive. She yelled at me, saying things like, “You’re so weak, you’re bringing me down!” and “I’m disgusted with you. How could you do this to me... or to yourself?”
The argument escalated quickly. She accused me of not being “worthy” of her dedication to fitness and said I was “clearly not committed to a healthy lifestyle.” She told me that if I couldn’t follow her standards, she couldn’t be with me.
The breakup was dramatic and chaotic, with her slamming doors and storming off while shouting about how I “disgusted” her with my lack of willpower. I’ve never been this ashamed of eating something.
I’m feeling crushed. I didn’t think that eating a single donut would lead to such a dramatic end, and her extreme reaction and aggressive behavior have left me questioning if I was really in the wrong. Am I just lazy, hedonistic, and undeserving like she said?
OP provided a small update:
Her only friend just called me from a hospital. Layla and I haven't spoken since she left, and it turns out she stopped eating and started excessive daily runs. Her friend told me that she ran 40 miles and had a heart attack.
He called because he thought she seemed really stressed over the breakup, and I think I’m going to visit her now. Should I? I’m just concerned for her but also can’t take her back if she continues to indulge in this unhealthy behavior.
Here are the top comments:
phyrsis says:
NTA. Be happy that you've learned she's bad news before you got even more serious.
OP responded:
Tbh we were dating for a year so it was kind of serious.
globaltrekker1 says:
NTA (Not the A^#@ole). Bullets dodged mate. She is in her own personal cult.
TrainingFilm4296 says:
Yeah, this relationship was not going to work. She seems unhinged. She needs to find another unhinged individual to feed off of. NTA.
Lafitte-1812 says:
She has an eating disorder man, and instead of addressing her own difficulties she's been foisting her insecurities onto you. The issue isn't the donut...it's her.
What do you think?