'AITA for dumping my fiancée because of a guy she's hanging out with?' UPDATED
"AITA for calling off my engagement because my fiancée hangs out with someone she 'had no self control with.'"
throwaway37849293 writes:
I was engaged to my girlfriend. We have been together for about 3 years. We took our friends to celebrate. We all got a bit drunk, and her friend started spilling some stuff about my girlfriend's past. The friend said that my girlfriend finally managed to control her "adventorous side." And she never could control herself around her friend.
More specifically, her male friend. Let's call him Bob. So, from what I heard about Bob, he used to hook up regularly with my girlfriend. After we got home, I asked more questions to my girlfriend about her "controlling" herself.
I had to press her, and she confessed that she cheated on previous boyfriends with Bob, and Bob cheated with her. She confessed that her exes never found out. Bob and she still hang out from time to time. They have been friends since college.
And now I'm here, her boyfriend who was her fiancé, now having almost no trust towards her. I asked for the ring back, and she insisted that nothing happened with Bob since we got together, but after learning all of this, I just don't believe her.
Here are the top comments:
Mr_Longbaugh_ says:
Admitted cheating on past boyfriend’s (plural??) with a guy she still hangs out with, that she never mentioned, while engaged to you. Do not listen to these people saying you’re overreacting. Even if she didn’t cheat (on you), she hid this from you, because obviously you would not approve. The trust is broken before you even said your vows.
Ill_Satisfaction6717 says:
NTA. Seeing her past actions you decided that you could no longer see her the same way nor could trust her. And in a relationship of 3 years I believe this topic should have been brought up by her long ago as it is an issue she had with her exs.
As you mentioned none of her exs found out which means that she was good at hiding it hence it gives you more reason to believe she might be cheating on you too. GL.
Sims_Creator777 says:
NTA. She was still screwing Bob, which is why her friend low key outed her.
VioletRachell says:
In matters of the heart, full disclosure is not just a courtesy, it's a cornerstone for trust. Her track record doesn't just dissipate because of a new relationship status. Transparency was owed to you before that ring ever came into play.
Deciding to end things isn't about not having trust in her present actions—it’s about her decisions to keep her history with you shadowed in secrecy. NTA for wanting honesty as the foundation, rather than as an afterthought in your relationship.
2 days later OP came back with this update:
I broke up with her. I told her that I need to see her phone if she even wants me to consider staying with her.
I dug through her texts and messages. I found out that she messaged Bob about missing him... about a year ago. Bob asked to meet up after talking about all the $#% they used to have, and my gf only turned him down because I had moved in with at that point. Her messaged was
"Wish I could but "my name" moved in, let you know if I get a chance though"
I'm done. I packed my stuff, and I'm moving in with my parents. My gf apologized for those messages and insists nothing actually happened.
Yeah, sure, only cuz you couldn't.
Thanks for all the support btw.
Also, I swear to god, some of you all could catch your s.o. [with no clothes on] with another person, but as long as you didn't actually see them f%$#, you'd be all like "Well, there's no evidence they actually f%$#@, so they clearly didn't cheat."
Here's what people had to say after the update:
"My gf apologized for those messages and insists nothing actually happened." This is hilarious. Like if a dude went to a bar and tried to hook up with random women but they all turned him down and he tells his gf "but I never cheated!" Your ex is dumb as a rock. If nothing else that's a good reason to leave
throwaway37849293 OP responded:
I don't think she's dumb, I think she was just desperate at that point. I guess she was so used to getting away with cheating that she never actually thought of what to do if she actually got caught.
I'm sorry OP. However, I'm glad you found out before you got married.
And even though nothing happened, the intention was there. If she had replied differently, that she no longer wanted that life, and to cut Bob out of her life as she was in a happy relationship with you, it would be a start, but she didn't.
Has your ex tried reaching out to you? Even though she doesn't end up with you, I hope she can learn from this and not carry on her cheating ways.
Don't know, I've blocked her. On everything that I could think of. Frankly, I don't want to talk to her again.
I'm sad to say, but part of me wants to talk to her. Part of me thinks that maybe I misread something. Honestly, reading the comments here is helping me push these feelings away.
I’m curious how she took the break up…it sounds like she was resigned to let your relationship go, but I might be inferring too much. If she was pretty stoic about it, that might confirm your instincts were correct.
She kept insisting that nothing had happened and told me that she was never gonna see Bob ever again. She was crying. I tried to tune her out tbh. So I didn't heat exactly what she said.
Sadly, I haven't gotten the ring back. She was wearing it, and unless I physically forced her, she wasn't giving it back.
No-Entertainment-883 OP responded:
Gotcha. It’s tough man and I’m sorry it happened to you. But, I think you 100% made the right call, for whatever it’s worth. From what I understand, the ring is a “gift” and there’s no recourse for you to get it back…but definitely look into it to confirm.