'AITA for yelling at my GF after she broke into the bathroom to see what I was doing in there.'

"AITA for screaming at my GF after she picked the bathroom lock while I was in the shower?"

Fogged_Mirror_1192 says:

I (24M) just had a bad fight with my gf, Ana (24F). We met early in college, started dating 2 years ago, and then moved in together 3 months ago. I always thought we were great together. She's smart and funny, we've had the best talks, and have similar views on science and politics.

But we moved in together, and she got upset because I take long showers. I don’t like to talk about it, but I’m a hairy guy. Think Luther from Umbrella Academy. I quit sports when I was 13 because I couldn’t deal with what the other guys would say about how much body hair I already had by then.

So I shave my whole body, and yes, it takes a while. Ana and I have never talked about my shaving, but she has to know I shave from feeling the stubble. So Ana started questioning why I spend so long in the shower. I should have just told her, but I was too embarrassed to say it takes a while to shave, so I said I just like thinking in the shower.

Then yesterday, while I was in the shower, she used a screwdriver to pop the bathroom lock and caught me shaving. She put her hands on her hips and told me I was wasting water, and I yelled at her to get out. She didn’t leave and lectured me more on wasting water. Then I shouted again a LOT louder for her to get the fuck out. It freaked her out, and she slammed the door behind her.

I was mad and took a few minutes to cool down and think about what I was going to say to her, but when I got out, she had locked herself in the bedroom. I could tell she had her back against the door and was crying. She said I scared her and that I showed her that I wasn’t the kind of man she thought I was.

I told her she had scared me, and that it didn't even make sense why she did it because we don't even pay for the water in our apartment. She got more upset and said I didn’t even understand the problem because I showed her that I could be violent and abusive, and I just needed to leave.

I tried to keep calm and asked her to come out so we could actually talk about what happened, but she just kept saying I wasn’t who she thought I was and I had to leave. We’ve argued about ideas but never had a fight before, and I swear I’ve never yelled or cursed at her before that.

I hate fighting with anyone and am normally the calmer person when our friends have things going on. I feel like my whole world just suddenly fell out from under me.

I don’t think this was my fault, but I also think none of this would have happened if I wasn’t so self-conscious about the body hair issue, or maybe if I had just been honest from the beginning and told her why I take long showers. I’m sure this relationship is over now and things are going to be messed up for a while, but I just want to know, am I the asshole for causing this whole mess?

OP responded to some comments:

HarlotteHoehansson says:

Naw she's blaming you for being upset that she violated your trust and space. She is 100% the AH here.

OP responded:

I wish so much now that we could have talked about this some other way than how it happened.

CarcosaDweller says:

I don’t understand. She sees you are shaving and thus have a legitimate reason to be in there, but she starts berating you for wasting water?

OP responded:

Huh, yeah, that's basically what happened.

Still_storm7432 says:

NTA (Not the A^@$ole) but get your things and move out and break up.

OP responded:

Yeah, at this point I'm just trying to give it enough time for things to calm down before I reach out myself to try and figure out how to get my stuff out and find out what needs to be done about our lease. We're at least paid to the end of the month.

What do you think?