'My GF never cuddles with me. We went on vacation, she slept in the spare bed to avoid me.' MAJOR UPDATE

It's easy to make assumptions about what's going on inside your partner's head, but the only way to get true answers is to communicate - no matter how vulnerable it feels.

"My gf [24F] of 3 months never cuddles with me [27M] since she has always been a "non-cuddler." We recently went on vacation she slept on the spare bed in the hotel room to avoid sleeping with me."

My GF let's call her "Francesca" and I have been dating for an amazing three months so far and she is absolutely amazing and caring and loving to me. She has only ever had one boyfriend before me and she is my first post-high school girlfriend.

It's only been a few months and my GF sadly always finds a reason to not cuddle or even lay together for a long period of time when I try to. This really sucks because I've always been a huge cuddler and I guess I've just tried to overlook it when dating her. But it's hard. When I'd ask if we can cuddle it's always "I really don't like cuddles they make me uncomfortable."

When I'd ask why she feels this way she always avoids the question. For my birthday, I asked her if she could try to cuddle with me just once as a birthday gift and she got really emotional and said it would make her really uncomfortable so I felt bad and haven't asked her again. Honestly if I ask again it's gonna make her sad and it makes me upset seeing her like that.

I talked to my friend about this, he said that she might be scared that I'd try to make a move on her (s*x) and I mentioned that early on in the relationship since me and Francesca are both virgins we've decided that we want to wait for the "right moment" before having s*x which we both agreed should be at least 6 months in.

I'm not sure what to do and hopefully I'm not overreacting too much but it bugs me to not be able to cuddle with my favourite girl. Sometimes she rejects holding hands too which also sucks. She will hold my hand for a minute or so and then let go. I've talked about this with her too and she said it makes her feel bad when I make her feel like she's not good enough because she doesn't cuddle and hold my hand.

Since I've typed too much already I'll keep the remainder of this short. Recently, she's been wanting to visit "Hawaii" for a long time so I surprised her with a weekend vacation there. When we got to the hotel she insisted on sleeping in the spare bed. she wasn't upset with me or anything and just decided she wanted to sleep alone.

It hurt, but I shouldn't have expected much anyways considering the lack of cuddles. (We've never slept with each other anyways since we live in different houses so this was the first time I've ever attempted to sleep with her). Again, she is an awesome person who's loving in every way possible except cuddles.

I have questioned my BO but I don't believe it's that considering she likes spending time with me otherwise. I never knew someone would hate cuddles but she's the one and I'm not sure what to do :( thanks in advance y'all!

TL;DR: GF never wants to cuddle and didn't want to sleep with me at our vacation hotel :(

People had a lot of comments and questions in response.

MrJeanPoutine wrote:

"When I'd ask if we can cuddle it's always "i really don't like cuddles they make me uncomfortable". When I'd ask why she feels this way she always avoids the question. For my birthday, I asked her if she could try to cuddle with me just once as a birthday gift and she got really emotional and said it would make her really uncomfortable so I felt bad and haven't asked her again."

I'm thinking something bad/traumatic may have happened to her when she was younger to react this way. If you're fine with the way things are right now, be patient and stay the course, after all, it's a fairly new relationship. Do note, things might not improve at all. If this is an absolute deal breaker, you must end it.

vrishchikaa wrote:

Not ruling out past trauma, but to me it sounds like she may have some sensory processing issues. Many people who have that kind of problem have a difficult time with physical contact or sharing a bed. It's a thought, at least.

_SadWalrus_ wrote:

It could be an emotional issue, such as abuse in her past. It could also be physical, as men are usually much, much warmer and cuddling them can be like cuddling a furnace. She could also worry about leading you on. Only she knows, there are so many possibilities.

The next day, OP jumped on with an update.

So I read a lot of the advice and decided that I was going to talk to her about a possible break up. I know this makes me sound like a shit person but honestly I'm just a very touchy guy and express my affection by touching and being touched.

Not being able to cuddle or hold hands or sleep next to my girlfriend was not going to work out for me and just felt like a constant tease you'd get from a long distance relationship where you'd think about holding and cuddling your gal or guy but just don't end up doing it. Honestly it was not gonna work out.

I brought my gf to my house after telling her we had to chat. I started by telling her that I'm really sorry and like her very much but I don't think things will work out with our different cuddling preferences. She started crying and said she didn't want me to be turned off by this but she actually loves cuddling but has a "sweating disorder" and when she cuddles she gets super sweaty like I'm talking hella sweaty.

She said her ex boyfriend dumped her because of her sweating and she said that's why she didn't want to cuddle with me. She said the same thing happens when she holds hands and she gets super sweaty. She said she was afraid cuddling with me would make me leave her like with her ex in the past.

I felt bad that I've been giving her so much s**t about it and it was like an insecurity she had and I told her that I don't really care if she sweats on me its all good. She laughed and said "no I actually sweat buckets" and I told her "can you sweat buckets on me?" :P she thought about it and then she said "okay but don't break up with me over it if I sweat too much!" In a joking voice.

She laid beside me and we cuddled and it felt so f**king good to finally feel that with her. She actually managed to sweat so much that my shirt was pretty wet and the bed sheet was soaked and I told her that I found it pretty cool. She said that she is so happy that someone appreciates cuddles and doesn't mind the sweating and I was just so happy we were finally cuddling.

I told her I didn't mind getting soaked cuddling and said "at least now we can have kisses in the rain in bed" and she couldn't stop laughing. She asked if we could hold hands in bed to show me how sweaty her hands get and again my hands were wet as hell which I didn't mind.

She said "if you ever need to wash your hands and there's no sink available just hold my hands!" Which was really cute. It's been an amazing day and I'm just really happy things worked out. I told her that if she felt like things her ex said to her were hurting her and still making her feel insecure she should really consider maybe seeing a therapist to help her feel more comfortable.

She agreed and said that the fact that I like her sweating lifted a burden off her shoulders since she loves cuddles. Hopefully all goes well!

TL;DR; she is an excessive sweater that's all :P

The internet was happy to hear the update.

Crystalshipping wrote:

Sweet story, but I'm wondering if she's been to a doctor about this disorder?

OP wrote:

She has but she said it's not really something that can be cured. She has "drysol" which is apparently this prescription deodorant for excessive sweating but since she can't really use it on her entire body she only puts it on her armpits.

Bluetootsmagoo wrote:

Seconding u/stampadhesive here.

I got Botox in my tummy and underarms for my wedding so I wouldn't look like a care bear in my dress. It lasted for almost a year and was HEAVEN. Also, it was covered under medical. As soon as I'm no longer pregnant I'm going back for more. It was a life changer.

OP responded:

I actually didn't know that! I should really tell her about it but idk man I love when she sweats on me! I'm sure she'd love to know though, thanks!

rationalomega wrote:

Gift ideas: high quality comfy big towel(s) that y'all can use when you cuddle. Quick dry fabric lounge wear. Absorbent mattress protectors/pads (which honestly every couple should own). Quiet fan to aid evaporation. I'm sure there are other ideas.

OP responded:

Aww this is adorable.

Theghostb**ch wrote:

Well, good for you OP. One of the stranger conclusions here.

OP responded:

Thanks! I'm glad it worked out. As strange as it sounds her sweat is kind of refreshing in the hot summer heat.

whenifeellikeit wrote:

I have a sweating disorder too. It f**king sucks. My husband and I recently went on vacation to Hawaii and we couldn't cuddle or have s*x pretty much the entire time because I was just disgusting and wet and slippery and sticky and it wasn't just uncomfortable for me. This guy never gives a s**t about my sweating (he even thinks it's kinda cute), but even he wasn't putting up with it while we were there.

Anyway, she's probably been shamed for this s**t her entire life. I know I have. It really, really limits you. Like, I remember going to church as a kid and leaving during the Lord's Prayer, pretending I had to go to the bathroom, just to avoid holding hands and touching people.

I have to carefully purchase clothing that won't show huge sweat stains. Certain career choices, like massage therapy and doing hair or makeup, are totally out. I can't do yoga. It's a goddamn nightmare.

Thanks, on behalf of all the sweaty people out there, for being super cool to your girl. She's really, really gonna love the hell out of you.

OP responded:

This is really sweet and I'm sorry you had a not so good experience! That gives me an idea of types of places we should go when vacationing though- potentially places with colder climates I think! I'm not really sure how her sweating works though and I'm pretty sure she will sweat regardless of temperature.

This certainly ended in a surprising yet wholesome place.