'My GF came home and overheard my therapy session. Now she's very angry, how do I proceed?' MAJOR UPDATE

"My girlfriend came home and overheard my therapy session and listened in. Now she is very angry, how do I proceed?"

My girlfriend came home to my on therapy through telehealth. She heard me talking about her and chose to listen for about 30 minutes before i realized she was home. she stormed out and was extremely angry at me.

I had been talking about our relationship, and had in heat of emotions, jump to hurtful conclusions about how people around me feel about her, which is worry I misconstrued in my speaking as dislike. I had also been talking about our relationships, some stresses, getting everything out and just talking through it.

She says she feels betrayed and like she was stabbed in the back over this. I feel awful, and I haven't been able to interpret my feelings on this appropriately either, and I have been responding with anger. How do I proceed? What do I do? Sorry for the small details. it's for privacy sake.

EDIT: I do want to add other than what has been stated here, I did not say anything directly mean about her. I've only talked about issues we've had and how those around me might view her. She only heard me talking, and not my therapist. She is upset I would share any information about our relationship or what she's been struggling with with anyone, including my therapist.

The internet had OP's back.

RulesbeDamned wrote:

“I feel betrayed that you were talking about your grievances to your therapist”

Run. Anyone who expects you to work through your emotions like you cut down a tree is a toxic idiot who has no idea how relationships should work.

You don’t make cuts with a knowledge of the direction everything will go with an eye on the entire work project, you work in a direction and make a large variety of different adjustments based on how things go with very few ideas on where you’re going. In other words, therapy is like bushwhacking and she’s expecting you to have a map

huey2k2 wrote:

You didn't do anything wrong, she was the one who violated your privacy by listening in on your session, as far as I am concerned it's not on you to do anything; she should be apologizing to you.

AmbassadorForsaken84 wrote:

For real! Therapy is literally THE place to air your grievances. It’s supposed to be private for a reason.

goobersmooch wrote:

Doing it by talking into your laptop at the house you share with your partner who can walk in at any time carries its risks.

Uphoria wrote:

DARVO.

Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender.

She walked in and snooped on you working with your therapist through your emotions raw, misconstrued what she over heard, and then now blames you and say you betrayed her (instead of the other way around). Sounds like you need to move on. Your family doesn't like her, you work with your therapist to deal with it and she throws gas on that fire instead of being your partner.

Tell her the truth - it's her that has betrayed you and you deserve an apology for her weaponizing your therapy against you. if she can't see that, ask yourself why you'd be with someone who is trying to sabotage your mental healthcare.

One month later, OP shared an update.

Hello! I recently posted here about my girlfriend eavesdropping on my therapy conversation, and the huge fallout that came of it. Its been a couple weeks and a lot has happened. I took everything everyone had said from my previous post, and read it multiple times to really get my head where I need to be.

I realized that she shouldn't have listened, and that was on her. We had an argument not long after I had made the post, she blamed me for everything, said many hurtful things. I was leaning towards breaking up whem her whole script flipped. She acted like she was in the wrong about everything, made me feel like she was going to change for the better. She wasn't.

I took a step back from our relationship for two days. I wanted to really reflect and think, she didn't honor that wish, and she didn't have any plans to. But after reading all the comments and reflecting, I realized I was in a toxic relationship, where I was cutting off my friends and family for this person that I would never be enough for.

I ended up breaking up with her. It hurt a lot but I thank you all so much for helping me see to what needed to be done. I couldn't have done it if it weren't for all of your advice. I wanted to give this little update to let everyone know how thankful I am, and to answer any questions I didn't from my previous post.

The internet kept the comments coming.

Kosingas_ wrote:

Good job! You should be proud of yourself! How did she handle the breakup?

OP responded:

Not well, I had asked originally for two days just to reflect on everything. She ended up showing up to my house and threatened suicide :( and that's was a lot on me, and made me really scared.

I ended up having to cut ties with her, I sent a message and blocked her, because everytime I had tried to talk to her she would make me feel bad, say she was going to therapy and wanting to change and be with me. But that wasn't what was happening, so I had to bite the bullet.

BogiDope wrote:

Threatening suicide is the reddest of red flags. The moment a partner does that, you need to get the f#$k out of there yesterday.

OP responded:

I came to realize that when it happened, we had a long argument cause I was ready to have her IVC'D. But, the more I look at it, the more it was a pure manipulation tactic, and I should've known.

Countoff wrote:

Nice job brother I remember reading and commenting on your original post. One day you’re gonna be with a girl who’s gonna leave you in awe that you ever tolerated the shit you did from your ex. Just don’t go back to her and leave any girl you start dating who suddenly starts acting the same way. Optimistic for your future my man, go evolve and continue to do great things.

OP responded:

I'm definitely not going to fall into the same trap again. At least I hope lol. I'm hopeful for the future but rn I've gotta get over some of that pain :)

ProbablyLongComment wrote:

I am so proud of you for making the difficult decision, and prioritizing what is good for you over what is easy. Give yourself some time to process your emotions. You don't want to go into a new relationship while any of the mistrust or betrayal you felt still lingers. Find your feet, and rebuild those friendships. Once you do that, you'll be ready to start your next relationship stronger and healthier.

We tend to attract people who are at our own level of functioning, so this will give your new relationship a head start, and help ensure that your new partner is a quality person. Don't interpret this as you're broken and you need fixing. You just don't want to carry negative emotions forward. You made a healthy choice by ending your toxic relationship, and I'll bet your recovery will be quick. Still, don't rush it.

OP responded:

I am focusing in recovery right now. I definitely dont want to bring the anger from my last relationship into anything new. And the mistrust definitely is prevalent, but im still going to therapy so im hoping to work through if soon.