'My GF went too far pranking her male friend. Now I'm wondering if the pranks are flirting.' UPDATED 2X

Pranks are only funny if everybody's laughing.

"My [24M] girlfriend [24F] went way too far pranking her male friend [24M] and now I'm wondering if the pranks are flirtation after all."

My girlfriend of 2 years has had this male friend for a while, his name is Declan and I'm not his biggest fan but I didn't want to impede on the friendship. So she told me last week that Declan pranked her by calling her up and pretending to be Jack Nicholson with one of those soundboards, so she wants to 'get him back.'

So as a 'joke' the next time we were over at his place she used his landline to call a s#x hotline that charged by the minute and then just left the phone there. Declan gets charged like $200 for it. So Declan strikes back at her again (at this point they're still just being "goofy" and I don't really mind). He comes over to her place for a party she was throwing, then hides this creepy decapitated doll in her closet.

She finds it, freaks out, but then starts laughing. Now she wants to prank Declan even harder, so she knows he's scared of clowns and she literally makes this giant paper mache clown statue that's hollow on the inside. She wants to put it in his house (apparently his roommate will let her in or something) then hide in it all night and then pop out of it as soon as he notices it.

So, I tell her this seems a little extreme but she does it anyway. Fast forward to that night. I get a call from my girlfriend because Declan apparently punched her in the face as soon as he saw her pop out of the clown thing, totally as a knee-jerk reaction because he didn't know it was her. Her nose wound up getting broken, she had to go to the hospital.

Now she's fine (although she is still wearing a splint) but she wants to continue pranking Declan. At this point should I put my foot down? She is actually getting injured and it makes me wonder if she just likes being around him so much that she is using the pranks as an excuse.

TL;DR: Girlfriend is in "prank war" with her best male friend, is it leading up to an emotional affair?

The comments came rushing in.

zombiesandpandasohmy wrote:

Um, well, your girlfriend is an adult. So no, don't "put your foot down," but you can say, "Hey, you got hurt. Maybe it's time to call a truce?"

It does sound kinda flirty to me. Did she pay him for the sex line calls, by the way? Because she totally should have.

[deleted] wrote:

You can tell her whatever you want, but she can also react however she wants. I'd tell her "Hey, I'm uncomfortable with this pranking you've got going on. I feel a little under appreciated, and I'm worried for your safety. Can we talk about ways to stop this, before it goes too far?"

pixeladrift wrote:

You've been dating for two years and her and Declan have only been friends for five months?! It's almost a different matter entirely. I think this is bad news bears, Declan wants to sleep with your girlfriend. I would definitely let her know that it makes you feel uncomfortable, and see how she responds.

Also, if I was in a two-year relationship and my girlfriend started referring to a (very) new friend of hers as her "brother," I'd be concerned too. Even if it's not intentional for her, he wants to sleep with your girl. You can't control her, but you can control how you handle yourself. Be as straightforward and upfront about your feelings as possible.

fishielicious wrote:

As someone who loves pranks, I have definitely started prank wars with guys I like as an excuse to flirt with them. I have also pranked male friends of mine with absolutely no desire to bang them. So I don't think anything in this post is evidence enough to prove that she wants to cheat. This sub is really suspicious of friendships outside of relationships, but I don't think that suspicion is always warranted.

You can't "put your foot down" in that you can't tell her what to do, but you can at least ask for some assurance. She sounds competitive and like she doesn't want to get beat, so that may be why she wants to continue the pranks even after she got hurt--continuing shows she's tough and not scared, in her mind.

That prideful mindset can be hard to get over, but explain that you're worried about her and worried about how this escalating. You can ask her what the h*ll she's getting out of this that's worth getting her nose broken. Maybe that will at least make her pause and think about her motivations.

A day later, OP shared another update.

I talked to my girlfriend about Declan and I told her that the pranks are getting dangerous, and she is unreasonably close to a guy she's only known for such a short amount of time (she refers to him as "her brother" and her "BFF" but it's literally been 5 months). I thought she would react in a mature way, but instead she said (almost word for word): "This is why I am always pranking Declan."

"At least Declan has a good sense of humor. I wouldn't even need to hang out with Declan if you weren't so uptight." So, at least now I have confirmation that she hangs out with Declan specifically because she thinks I am not good enough. We wind up having a screaming match, and the door rings so she goes to get it. It's this guy in a giant gorilla costume, who barges in and starts humping all our furniture.

Immediately I assume it's f#$king Declan, so I (keep in mind I was already extremely angry) punch him in the face. He takes off the mask, it's Declan's roommate Chad. Apparently Declan paid Chad $100 to scare us in the gorilla suit as a diversion, because he was right behind Chad. While Chad was humping our furniture, Declan snuck into our bedroom and put ham underneath the mattress cover.

So I tell both of these dudes to get the f#$k out and stop pranking us. I thought I was finally standing up to Declan when finally my girlfriend tells me that the prank was "hilarious" and she's going to give me time to cool off. She leaves with Chad and Declan, and keep in mind Chad's nose is still bleeding and he's wearing the gorilla suit.

I haven't heard from her yet today, but I saw her post a picture of a bagel on Instagram this morning so I know she's awake. I still don't know where she slept last night or what happened with Declan. I want to break up because I'm so angry but weirdly enough I still really love her (I can't help it) and I don't want to waste two years.

TL;DR: Girlfriend's annoying male friend pulled a stupid prank on us, girlfriend got mad at me for not finding it funny and left the apartment with him.

The internet jumped on with all of their thoughts.

Dlimited wrote:

Did you have a good time with her? Did you learn about yourself, grow as a person? Then the time wasn't wasted.

cathline wrote:

She would rather be with Declan. Let her.

You can do better. You deserve someone who thinks YOU have a good sense of human. You deserve someone who wants to be with YOU.

Montaron87 wrote:

She's going to throw a terrible tantrum when you break up with her, I can tell you that, so stay strong when she does.

skyscan1 wrote:

It is perfectly acceptable to break up when one party can't understand that their actions are causing you to be upset worried or afraid. Break up with her and let her have the short lived relationship with Declan.

Sinyuri wrote:

Declan payed this Chad guy $100 to prank her. The other time, he payed $200 + hospital bills. That's over $300 for some stupid pranks. What the h*ll, is he a millionaire? No way in hell would I ever spend $300+ to prank someone.

OP responded:

His parents are pretty well off, but I don't think he actually makes much money.

Days later, OP shared another update.

Well, this is the latest one:

Here. Spread it around! I can't believe I was removed!

For those of you who don't want to read the earlier posts, my girlfriend (now ex) got way too close to her male friend Declan through an infantile prank war, whose roommate Chad facilitated some of the pranks. I also want to say THANK YOU for the helpful PMs and comments of support, I got way too many to reply to all of them, but they were all helpful.

Sorry for updating so late, a lot has happened and it was 4th of July weekend.

The night of my previous post, I broke up with my girlfriend.

I told her pretty much exactly what was suggested. I even told her that I thought her behavior with Declan was already an emotional affair if not a physical one. Not surprisingly, she flipped out at me and told me I was being emotionally ab#sive and controlling. She told me that every ex-boyfriend she's had has been emotionally ab#sive and I fall right into that category.

Because she's only "kind of" living with me and technically not on the lease (she's just slowly been staying here more often and has a key) it was pretty easy to kick her out. I wasn't sure if she was going to return to her old roommate, who has most of her stuff (her female friend) or if she'd start living with Declan and Chad (his roommate).

When I asked her if she was going to move in with Declan, she told me it was no longer my business. Anyway, so that night I tried to relax...I was pretty upset but pretty sure in my decision to dump her, and I felt like I could start new, meet someone else, etc.

Then I got a bunch of random calls on my phone from a restricted number, when I picked up nobody was there. So I turned my phone on silent, figuring this was one of her immature schemes (tbh I still don't know who did it, I'm just assuming her or Declan) and in the morning I had 60 missed calls from restricted numbers.

In the morning I actually got a text from Declan asking to come over to pick up my girlfriend's stuff. So...yes, she moved in with him. I tried to be civil because I really just wanted to get her stuff out of my apartment, but I also wanted closure, so when he got here, I just told him that his relationship with her directly influenced the breakup, and that I know they're together now.

Now, this is where things get weird. Declan looks at me- surprised- and tells me that he doesn't think my girlfriend is into him, and that he definitely isn't into her. I told him to cut the crap, that it doesn't matter anymore. He seemed to be getting anxious and panicky, so I told him to calm down, i wasn't going to hurt him, I just wanted to know the deal.

Then he tells me that he knows he directly contributed to our breakup, but not in the way I think--apparently it was Chad, not Declan, who wanted to bang my girlfriend. Chad was too shy and asked Declan to befriend my girlfriend and act as a "wingman."

Declan has tons of female friends so Chad thought he would effectively gain her trust and be a good "in". Declan insisted the reason he kept pranking her and being goofy was because he was hoping it would paint their relationship as clearly non-romantic.

Apparently Chad paid him back for all the times he had to lose money in a prank, and Chad was actually the one paying for my girlfriend's broken nose.

I told him "Well, that was a stupid plan because my girlfriend moved in with you specifically to be with you, so that sucks for all three of you."

Declan got extremely upset and seemed to be practically shaking at the idea that my girlfriend had feelings for him, he was acting like he murdered someone. So now my girlfriend (well, ex) is living with the guy she has a crush on (who has no feelings for her) and a guy who has a crush on her but was too creepy and weird to say it. I hope they all have fun together.

TL;DR: Dumped girlfriend, she moved in with Declan and it turns out Declan doesn't like her, Chad does.

I'm sure she will contact me again once it dawns on her that the "wrong guy" is interested. I will update you all if that happens.

The commenters had a lot to say.

Stubbedtoe33 wrote:

You should submit this to a television network and make this into a sit com. Girl moves in with guy who she likes, guy doesn't like her and creepy weirdo friend likes girl.

Title could be called The unrequited s**t fest.

Physgun wrote:

LMFAO that is awesome. love how chad was actually the one that you punched in the face too. guess it's still a bit hard for you, so good luck getting over it and finding somebody to be happy with.

candied_yams wrote:

Wow, LOL. Your ex girlfriend is an idiot. Sorry man.