'My GF's grandfather is a Michelin Star chef and is visiting. I'm supposed to cook. What do I do?' UPDATED 2X

"My [21M] girlfriend's [21F] grandfather is a Michelin Star chef and is visiting. I am supposed to cook for them but I cannot cook. What the f am I supposed to do?"

Context: Been together since around March 2019. Yeah I love her with all my heart. First of all, please do not judge me. Yes I am a 21 year old man, but look, I just cannot cook. Sure I can make something like very basic pasta, a boiled egg, etc... but I absolutely cannot make anything where you have to prepare multiple ingredients.

When I cook, the food dateis either done or its not done. I have no experience with "doneness." I do have my redeeming skills, but cooking is just not one of them. I have tried following recipes word for word, but just have had no luck.

My girlfriend and I are both rising seniors in college, and I have my own apartment near campus where we will be meeting for dinner. When I agreed to make something, I thought I could just BS something, but then when I mentioned it to my GF's brother (who I'm friends with) he told me that their grandfather was awarded a Michelin Star some time ago.

I asked my girlfriend why she didn't tell me, and she said she didn't want me to freak out. I never cook in college. I've always just relied on dining hall/eating out/Uber Eats. I don't even have dishes. The only thing I can possibly think of is that I know a fair bit about wine (as much as a 21 year old can know), so I could definitely get something good on that end.

I really, really don’t know what I'm supposed to do. Should I just push as hard as I can for eating out? Should I pull a Seymour and buy take out from a steakhouse or something? If I did do that, should I tell my girlfriend at least? I'm sorry if I sound like I'm panicking. I just love this girl so much, and I don't want to leave a bad impression on someone she's very close with.

The internet had a lot of thoughts to share.

smithk654 wrote:

I wouldn't try deception. That never works out well. Maybe try something simple but classic? There are a lot of fairly easy pasta dishes. I'm sure the grandfather isn't expecting you to be Gordon Ramsey.

GosuPleb responded:

I'm not not a great cook but this is a tip i heard and read almost everywhere. Do a simple dish, but do it well. Same advice is given to restaurants. Keep your menu focussed, don't overly complicate the dishes and just learn how to do basic things really well. I learned to enjoy a nice, creamy, simple tomato soup with white bread, it's great.

Birdamus wrote:

Make a potato and then tell them that you found this crazy vegetable at the store and you’d never seen it before. Make them believe you don’t know what a potato is. This is a can’t miss strategy.

[deleted] wrote:

He’s not expecting YOU to be a Michelin star chef. Don’t stress too much. Ask your girlfriend for help.

MemberMurphysLaw wrote:

Dude I realllllly wouldnt try your plan. Dudes going to figure it out. You're going to be called out as a liar. Her grandfather is going to think poorly of you for a long time. Literally just pick a recipe, practice it every night for a week, and when you serve it, just fess up and say," I'm sorry, I'm not a great cook. This is what I've made, I hope you all enjoy."

Not long after posting, OP shared an update.

Wow I even spelled Michelin wrong in my username.

I’m just a big fan of Kitchen Nightmares and keep imagining this is gonna be like Gordon Ramsay or some shit like that.

Update: So I read through a lot of the comments, and I talked about it with a close friend. We want to try a test run like I pondered in another comment. If the test fails, then we’ll have to just accept that I will have to say something.

So the plan we thought of would go like this: I will invite a professor (who’d we’d let in on the plan) and a friend of his who’s a foodie for dinner at my place with my friend under the guise that I just want to test my cooking. We’ll order take out from a top nearby steakhouse, and keep it under heat lamps so that they 1) stay warm and 2) maybe slightly decrease in quality to make it more believable.

I’d also have to buy some cheap steak and just throw it on my stove to get the “smell” in the air and have dirty cooking dishes. I’d also have to memorize the recipe for a steak, and watch some YouTube vids to understand the nuances of jargon and cooking.

Then we see if it works. I also have decent enough experience with wine (mostly red though not white) to be able to properly taste and describe without having to fake it.

If that doesn’t work, Plan B would be to do what some other commenters suggested and straight up tell him I’m not very experienced, and maybe ask if he can give a demonstration of some dish from his restaurant, and I’d happily pay for whatever ingredients. My big reservation with this is that I don’t want to come off like I’m not trying for this, since that seems like it’s very low effort.

He’s coming all the way from France, where he’s from (GF is French-American; just Incase anyone wonders), so I really really want to leave a positive impression. I’m absolutely head-over-heels for this girl, so I’d like to leave the best possible impression. Oh yeah and it’s on August 17th so I’ll update after.

The comments kept coming.

[deleted] wrote:

Pot roast. Inexpensive cut of meat, low and slow in a crock pot. Hard to fuck up, just don’t over season it. Carrots, onions, potatoes, celery large chunks. Beef broth, red wine, bay leaf, oregano, thyme, salt and pepper.

nighteyes282 wrote:

Bro you have until august?? Why are you putting all this effort into lying about knowing how to cook and not just taking your two months to learn one dish??

mochabeans123 wrote:

Consider cooking the meal together with your girlfriend if she's agreeable to it. Might be a fun experience with her and the grandpa is less likely to trash something his granddaughter helped make.

But for real I agree with what another poster said about him visiting to catch up with his granddaughter and meet her boyfriend. I think he'll probably appreciate the effort and not judge the food too much.

Two months later, OP shared another update.

Hey guys. Thank you all for your advice. My gf's grandfather came and we had our dinner yesterday, so this is an update to that post. I just want to say first, I am drunk, so please excuse any typos.

Anyway, I was really freaked out all summer about wanting to impress him. I was seriously considering pulling the Skinner scam and buying takeout and disguising it, but I decided to just go for trying to make something myself. I spend pretty much all of July trying to make steak. I started with cheap stuff, and it was really, really hard at first, but I learned from my mistakes.

I wanted to go all out, so I bought really nice steak to make when the day came. I made three. One for all of us, and it ended up being better than I hoped, though obviously not Michelin Star quality. I also brought some really expensive (at least for a college student) Cabernet to pair, although he actually brought rum, so we had both.

It's around midnight on August 16th here in the Eastern United States; this happened on the evening of August 14th (he came early due to changes in our school schedule). He said that the steak was nice. He and I went out for burgers and hotdogs the next evening (today, but technically actually yesterday). It was just him and I.

We also had a metric f-k-ton of beer. All in all, it was a really positive experience, and we got along very well. I'm glad I didn't risk trying to pass off steakhouse food as my own, though I still want to try to see if I can fool my professor's friend. Maybe after the pandemic has passed (grandfather, gf, and I all got tested before meeting for dinner). I really love my girlfriend :)

The commenters did not hold back one bit.

RheimsNZ wrote:

So glad you didn't try to fake it. Holy s**t that would have been bad, and you would have had to live with the deception. Congratulations, and good work!

reesecheese responded:

Like the guy who told his girlfriend's parents he spoke French fluently, ack!

[deleted] wrote:

Learning to cook good food is one of the best investments you can make in yourself. Good on you man!

OP responded:

Thanks! Tbh, I’ve never really cooked besides easy stuff before this. It was really an interesting experience! I went through like 25 steaks before being confident in my ability to cook for him. I mean I’m sure I’ll never be as good as him, but I’m glad I can cook for my gf now. Even if it’s just one dish, I’m interested in learning more for her.

Scanpony wrote:

Good on you for cooking your own meal! A proper chef will never berate you for trying to cook a meal yourself. Conning him would have fallen through immediately so glad you didn't go that route. Cooking is an amazing skill to have and it's really fun to do, so i'm happy this turned out the way it did! Keep on cooking :)

OP responded:

Idk I guess I just have a (drunken) irrational fear that what if he was just play nice but really hated it?