__sseulegi writes:
I’m 28M; my girlfriend is 33F. We’ve been together for a few years and have discussed getting married. Unfortunately, ever since I met her parents last year, their behavior (specifically her mom) has made it difficult for me to see a future anymore.
Her mom mistrusts me, and it’s all based on superficial impressions and assumptions about who she thinks I am. I have tried to show her parents patience, and I’ve been extremely respectful, giving them opportunities to get to know me and overcome their prejudices.
Everything came to a head when I went to visit my home country. I have a place here, and I came to see a friend get married. Her parents showed up unannounced and requested a ride from the airport. I immediately called my girlfriend, despite the time difference, because I was in shock. She claims she had no idea about their plans.
They claim it was all impromptu—cheap flight, last minute, etc. I just don’t buy it. Anyway, I picked them up, and they’re currently staying with me in my apartment. They’ve got no itinerary but want me to arrange for them to see X, Y, and Z, and, of course, they need me as a translator. Everything is apparently too foreign to them—they’re lost without me. They refuse to go anywhere without me as an escort.
My girlfriend is apologetic… but I just don’t see her supporting me in dealing with her parents, especially her mom, who is the instigator (the dad has no backbone and is forced to follow her).
My girlfriend doesn’t support me in setting boundaries, so, as her partner, I fall into a rock-and-a-hard-place situation. I can’t tell if I’m being cold and uninviting or if these people are crazy, and my girlfriend is so afraid of them she didn’t even warn me about something like this. I feel like I can handle anything if she’s on my side… but it doesn’t feel like she is. Maybe I can’t be with someone like that.
I'm 27M, and my girlfriend is 33F. Although our relationship started out very intense and unpredictable, we quickly developed strong feelings and have been together for three years. Despite being together that long, I just met my girlfriend's parents for the first time a few weeks ago.
She is an only child and said she didn't want to introduce anyone she dated to her parents unless she knew this was the person she wanted to marry. Her parents also live abroad, and due to COVID and her dad's health problems, they didn't visit her for a while—she usually went to visit them. It was a big step for her to tell me she wanted me to meet them, and I did my best to make a good impression.
I was raised by my grandmother. When she passed, my older sister took over caring for me. My girlfriend has had a stable upbringing. Her parents are wealthy, and she's led a privileged life. We don't have the same life experiences, and it was never a problem until I met her parents. If anything, for some reason, the differences between us added to our relationship in some ways.
Unfortunately, I got the impression her parents were scrutinizing every aspect of my life over the dinner we had on our first meeting, including my family. I stayed true to myself and maintained my confidence but left the interaction feeling like I bombed a test. My girlfriend reassured me they liked me.
But her mood over the few days afterward suggested otherwise. I called her out on it and pressed her for an explanation. I learned she’s been upset because of a fight she had with her mother following the dinner.
Her mother thinks I’m just having fun with her daughter, that I will get bored and leave her, and that she’s too old to be wasting time with me. Apparently, her mother got this impression entirely from the way I look, and this judgment about me trumps anything else I shared about myself.
My girlfriend and I decided to have me spend more time with her family over the coming holidays, so I have been going over every day and involving myself in shopping trips, etc., with my girlfriend and her mom, hoping that she would get to know me and overcome whatever skepticism she has.
I even spent hours getting a crash course in a strategy board game her dad plays and started playing with him to continue learning it as a form of bonding. Despite feeling like I won her dad over, I felt like her mom was constantly evaluating my loyalty in subtle (unrealistic) ways. Examples include overanalyzing how I interact with others in public, reading too much into the way I smile, and the way I show affection toward my girlfriend.
According to my girlfriend's mom, the fact that I have a motorcycle makes me extra slutty. And that's how this escalated. My sister and I have an 18-year-old dog. It’s been a tough few months for him. I think he’s approaching the end. For that reason, usually, one of us is always with him. He’s on the smaller side, so he’s easy to bring along anywhere.
I’ve had to leave to give medicine to my dog at certain times of the day because he’s on a schedule, and I guess my girlfriend’s mom found even this to be suspicious The other day, I left my girlfriend and her family to go give my dog his medicine, and on my way there, my phone alerted me that an AirTag was traveling with me.
When I reached my place, I searched all my pockets and stuff and eventually found it on the motorcycle itself. It was connected to my girlfriend’s mom’s number. I told my girlfriend, and my girlfriend said she put her mom’s AirTag on my bike to prove to her mom that I was not lying about where I was going.
I get that she was trying to defend me, but I feel angry at her. It’s hard to articulate, but ever since I met my girlfriend’s family, microaggressions by her mom are really getting to me, and it’s hard to separate them from my girlfriend.
I’m hoping I’m just overstimulated by all this and that things will get better after Christmas is over. I’m not sure if I’m an AH for being cold toward my girlfriend about the AirTag, but it’s a frustration that I’m having trouble letting go of.
Turbulent_Ebb5669 says:
Your GF put an airtag on your motorbike last month to prove a point to her mother. I think it's time to either accept your fate or move on and enjoy some freedom.
hottychic821 says:
Whoa, that's a lot to handle! It's okay to feel upset that your girlfriend didn't warn you. Talk to her honestly about how you feel and that you need her support with her parents. Don't be afraid to set boundaries with them, even if it's hard. If she can't back you up, you might need to rethink things. You deserve a partner who's on your team!
OP responded:
That’s exactly it. I need us to be a team. I keep trying to express to her this won’t work if we’re not a team.
nole_knob_gob says:
Your GF at 33 isn't an adult. She never will be. Her parents are crazy. You are also crazy to allow this to continue to happen to you. Leave now. Find some one else who isn't crazy. BTW She isn't going to change at 33 years old.