We have been together (M25/F24) for a few years now and we live together. She and I both have credit card debt and I cover most of the living expenses (rent, bills, car payments). In return, she covers the grocery expenses (food, toiletries, etc.). We based this on equity because she is in school and working part time, and I work full time.
We repeatedly have arguments because we currently live paycheck to paycheck, with some weeks being so tight that we can only afford to commute to work or school and eat whatever is left in the refrigerator for the week.
We have no room for savings or an emergency fund. I want her to work with me to cut back on unnecessary expenses so we can have more financial stability and freedom. We are both at the point where our credit cards are nearly maxed out and I am worried it will become a slippery slope to even more debt if she does not change her habits.
She does not seem to think saving money is a concern or that if I miss one day of work, I may not be able to afford next month’s rent. I feel like I am going crazy when she tells me that we are not struggling and that I need to stop worrying so much. I love her and I really need her to understand how precarious our situation is.
She is aware of our credit card debt and I have tried to sit down with her and have a calm discussion, but whenever I do, she shuts down the conversation and says she cannot talk about money because it makes her feel stressed, which I can understand. It is a stressful topic, but I feel she should be able to work through it with me instead of feeling like she is alone in this.
Half of my income is commission based, so by missing one day of work I am potentially losing a good part of my paycheck that I might need if we have a slow month regardless of whether my expenses are fixed or not.
Her portion of the expenses does fluctuate a little bit but generally stays within plus or minus $150. I hope that clears up any confusion. I saw the suggestion about developing a spreadsheet and presenting it to her, which is incredibly helpful. I will start keeping track of expenses.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
True-Button-6471 says:
NTA She is in denial and doesn't want to accept that you are one missed paycheck away from financial disaster. You need to decide if this is what you want the rest of your life to look like.
Superb_Drop1313 says:
If math isn't working try emotion "I am terrified about it situation. I am losing sleep because I am so concerned. Can you help me come up with a plan to get ahead of this?" NTA.
BlushNatsu says:
If she won’t talk about it, there’s no way to make a plan together. Honestly, a simple spreadsheet showing how tight things are might hit different than just talking.
HC215deltacharlie says:
She’s avoiding the whole issue by claiming to be stressed out. I’d say you’ve made every effort to nudge her into being an adult. It’s not fair to you to carry the burden. You’ve been together a few years; she’s still in school at 24.
Time for her to get a wake-up call. Give her an ultimatum: she agrees to sit down with you and have an adult convo to develop a household budget, and she agrees to stick to it. If she doesn’t, she’s not interested in a future with you. Then you act accordingly.