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'My girlfriend is mad at me for being mad at her, AITA?'

'My girlfriend is mad at me for being mad at her, AITA?'

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"My gf is mad at me for being mad at her, AITA?"

I (male) and my girlfriend have been dating for about 6 months. We have a great relationship and have only had a handful of arguments or disagreements thus far. Now to the current issue.

We had a great day yesterday and were at her place later that night watching TV. Important to note, we had been drinking for a majority of the day and continued drinking when we got home.

We were watching TV and my girlfriend says "you look really good right now" then proceeds to take a picture with her phone. She looks at the picture and goes "actually I guess you don't" and deletes the picture and just keeps watching TV.

I was sitting there a little stunned at that bluntness and a little bit hurt. I don't remember my exact words, but I responded by saying something along the lines of "wow, wtf". I decided to go take a shower and gather my thoughts and not let my annoyed emotions blurt out and spiral into something it didn't need to be. I got into bed and was planning on speaking to her about it when she came in the room...I fell asleep.

Fast forward to this morning, I wake up and think about last night and realize although I was annoyed and somewhat hurt by her comment, it wasn't something I felt so strongly about and that I could just move forward and forget about it.

My girlfriend was up before me, so I come out and say good morning and give her a hug. I immediately sense she is being intentionally cold and not looking at me. I ask whats wrong, thinking did I do something I didn't remember or something to upset her. So I ask and she says shes mad and annoyed at me. I ask why and her response is "because you were upset with me and didn't talk to me before going to bed".

I explained what I mentioned earlier in the post... that I needed some space to gather my thoughts and I intended to talk with her last night and fell asleep...likely due the drinking and long day expedited me falling asleep.

Now to the current issue, she responded to my above comment by saying "I shouldn't have been upset because my feelings were stupid and me getting upset last night was stupid too".

After I tried 3 or 4 times explaining to her my perspective, to which she continued to say my feelings were stupid, I finally replied "man, eff you". I know this was not an appropriate response, but in that moment I was so frustrated that she was belittling my feelings and telling me I was stupid and my feelings were invalid, I responded out of emotion in that moment.

I told her that it shouldn't matter if she thought it was stupid, but she should be able to understand my feeling were valid. I said she should try and see it from my shoes and that I have never told her that her feelings in the past were ever stupid or that she didn't have a right to be upset.

I told her we needed to sit down and talk and communicate this through and find a solution going forward if we ever encounter a similar situation. I started explaining my perspective from the night before up until present.

During this, I had to ask her to put her phone down and actually listen, she did and then proceeded to watch the tv, which I then muted and again asked for her attention, to which she continued watching the tv on mute.

At this point I said eff it, told her she was being disrespectful and a bad partner and if roles were reversed and she told her parents or her girls' group, they would all say I was the AH and rude. So I went to the gym to get my stress out and type this up.

So, AITA here or am I over reacting?

Any suggestions for navigating this or moving forward with her?

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:

NTA. You really need to look at whether you want this relationship to continue cos' it seems like you can't communicate and that's really the basis of a healthy relationship.

(OP)

I 1000% agree, which is why I tried to sit down with her and talk through it when we were both sober and removed from the immediacy of the comment she made. I left for the gym, because you can't have a positive conversation with someone who is unwilling to actually listen and is on their phone/watching tv.

You have 6 months invested, don't make it 6 years. Move on find someone who appreciates you.

NTA.....BUT you should have addressed it immediately and definitely shouldn't have gone to sleep before addressing then.....don't let things fester or "memories fade" before hashing it out. The rest everyone has said....she didn't like being in the wrong. Her reaction says time to reconsider relationship.

NTA. Her response to the photo was extremely uncaring. Situation was reversed, you’d have been dumped. Her reaction to you being upset and removing yourself was petty and pathetic. How can she, as the cause of the problem, be offended.

To me, you were well within your right to say eff you, even if that was also immature. This is a big wake up call moment for your relationship. How you both handle these kinds of issues is a taste of how your longer relationship will go.

Her holding onto hurt because she hurt you is honestly so pathetic. I think that if you can end up discussing this sensibly then you might be able to both learn from your mistakes here. But, if she’s gonna keep making herself the victim when she caused the problem, then I kind of think you’re done.

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit
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