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'My girlfriend wants to meet up one-on-one with single male friend.' UPDATED 2X

'My girlfriend wants to meet up one-on-one with single male friend.' UPDATED 2X


If you don't trust a romantic partner, that's a massive red flag in a relationship.

"Girlfriend wants to meet single male 'friend.'"

My (28M) girlfriend (28f) and I were out having a really nice time when she turned around and said to me that this guy (40M) messaged her to ask if she wanted to go for coffee. It doesn't sound bad, but here are the only things I know about this guy from what my GF has told me:

  • He's single.

  • He only goes for girls in their 20s.

  • She's never mentioned that he's a friend until this moment, only that they used to work together.

  • That she put up a risky photo with this guy on Instagram, that her own family told her it wasn't right, she later deleted it

  • And that she doesn't think he's ugly.

I got annoyed that she'd want to meet this guy one on one, to which she became upset because I'd made a big deal about it because they're just "friends." I've told her I trust her, but I don't trust the man and what his intentions are. Am I wrong for having doubts, or am I overthinking this whole situation?

Not long after posting, OP shared two small updates.

Edit: Thanks for everyone's opinions, I genuinely thought I was going mad and I was in the wrong.

Edit 2: didn't think this would get so much traction. Thank you to everyone who's given their opinion, I'm reading all the comments but won't reply to them all. But I'll take into account whatever you have put. I'll post an update in the near future to let you know what's going on.

People had plenty of comments and questions about the situation.

DKDCLMA wrote:

Wait. You mean you were out together, she receives an invitation to do something else and she wants to go do that? Like...there and then? I feel like the possibility of cheating is secondary here, that just feels like a "I don't really want to be here, but it's the best I have for now" and I sure as hell wouldn't want a relationship like that.

OP responded:

Maybe I worded it badly, we were out and she showed me a message of him asking her to meet for a coffee at another time, not while we were out.

AllTheTakenNames wrote:

Still fuzzy on the point of her meeting him. Are they old friends catching up over coffee? Is this out of the blue? Is she looking for a mentor? Having coffee with a guy for a clear valid purpose is fine. Why would it be a problem. But this seems much stranger.

OP responded:

So they used to be work colleagues, however she is now claiming they are friends, which she has never told me before. She says she just wants the gossip from her old workplace.

Goaliefatigue wrote:

Just let it happen and get your popcorn ready. If something goes down then she clearly isn't the one.

OP responded:

This is what I said to her, that she could meet him but it'll go one of two ways. One- nothing will happen, or two- he makes a move and I can say told you so.

goalie_LAX_21093 wrote:

If it weren’t for the picture, i might believe she really just wants to catch up. But sending him a picture that she later deleted? Something isn’t lining up here. But - stop with the “I trust her but I don’t trust him” bull. Either you trust her or you don’t. He can’t make her do anything. If she isn’t going to cheat, SHE isn’t going to cheat.

fannyflour wrote:

Welcome to the gym, bro.

OP responded:

Already at the gym, been going for years. Will give me motivation just to hit it harder.

thelastgigolo wrote:

What is the point of meeting the man? There is no purpose other than she is enjoying the attention.

OP responded:

Completely agree! But apparently she just wants to know what's going on with her old work, where he still is.

A little over a week later, OP shared an update.

So I got a lot of interest in this post and I've got an update. My GF told me this morning that she's meeting the other man this coming Friday, but not for a coffee as I originally thought, but for a meal.

She did keep saying to me are there any boundaries that I could put in place, e.g, how long she could be out with him, to make me feel more comfortable with the situation, which I replied "there's no point me saying anything because you won't listen and will just tell me I'm being controlling whatever I say."

I also told her that this other man will see this as a date, which she disagreed with. She is very naive as she had another male friend for 10 years while she was in a previous relationship, and as soon as she split with her ex the friend slept with her.

She struggled to understand he was only her friend for that long to sleep with her. I feel like this current situation is extremely similar. I honestly still don't know how to feel about this situation but will hopefully have a clearer idea on Friday of what I need to do. I'll post another update next weekend.

The internet did not hold back.

WolverineNo8799 wrote:

Just be truthful with her and tell her that if she goes on this date with another man, then your relationship is over. She knows perfectly well that it's a date, and she knows that you aren't happy with it. Dump her and find a faithful girlfriend.

Thedudeabides470 wrote:

The limitation you put on it is she doesn’t go at all. That’s not controlling. You don’t restrain her from going you’re just not going to be there when she comes back.

OP responded:

Honestly this is probably what is going to happen.

canal_boys wrote:

She is not naive. She knows exactly what she's going because she went through this same situation before. She's setting up the guy as her backup when she breaks-up with you. She seems like the type who always needs someone to lay with.

UnethicalTesticle wrote:

Dang, bro. Sorry this is happening. This is 100% a date with him. I don’t think she’s being naive. I think she knows what it is and she’s seeing what she can get away with. You better be gone when she gets back from that date. There are plenty of women who won’t insist on gong on dates with other people while in a committed relationship. Good luck to you.

A month later, OP shared an update.

This is my final update, both my previous posts have been added for context on the situation. But for short my GF wants to meet her single male "friend" which I'm not okay with for reasons stated in previous posts. Anyway.....


So two days ago we had this final argument after she said that her and her male "friend" were meeting to go for a meal. I told her that I'd be okay with her going for a coffee, as I had already said previously, but had said that a meal was too far and she was pushing my boundaries and being disrespectful to me if she went.

She told me she was going to go anyway and I was overreacting. Well when she went to the meal I packed all my bags and waited for her to come back. She came back and asked me why my bags were packed, to which I replied calmly explaining how I can't be with someone who won't listen to me and respect my boundaries.

As soon as she realised I was being serious about breaking up she got really upset and kept telling me she wouldn't see him again. I told her it was too late and about not respecting me or how I felt and I feel she had done this on numerous occasions. After about an hour of talking I told her I was done and I left wishing her all the best with her future relationships.

She's tried messaging me since which I've just just ignored and I will probably end up blocking her if she continues. I just wanted to say thanks for all the advice everyone gave me, it's all greatly appreciated. Have fun and good luck out there everyone 😊

The comments quickly came flooding in.

Southern-Interest347 wrote:

Personally I would not date anyone that I did not trust to go out to dinner with someone or did not trust me to go out to dinner with someone.A relationship is about trust. If your trust and confidence in your girlfriend is so little that she couldn't meet with the old coworker or acquaintance without you being sketchy about the meeting then perhaps you shouldn't be in a relationship.

OP responded:

She's given me reasons not to trust her about this guy. If she made it clear from the get go that they had always been friends and he was a genuinely nice guy, I'd have been cool with that. But the fact she had said things about him and posted that photo on Instagram (all stated in a previous post), I wasn't comfortable with her meeting him.

We all have boundaries, like yours "not dating someone that doesn't trust you to go out to dinner with someone," and you'll have others that different people will disagree with, it's all just a matter of opinion.

Jokester_316 wrote:

You clearly told her you weren't comfortable with her essentially going on a date with this new guy you never heard about until recently. She told you she didn't care if you were uncomfortable with the situation as she was going to do what she wanted to.

You were nicer than me. I would have just left and put the house key on the counter. Hopefully, you weren't on the lease. You have to respect yourself if you want others to respect you.

WornBlueCarpet wrote:

She will, with 100% certainty, start dating her new "friend" within a week.

And he will, with 100% certainty, dump her once he's banged her and has grown tired of her.

And OP, you'll be able to tell when these two things happen by her first stopping trying to contact you. That's when he starts banging her. Then it'll be quiet for a while, and then she'll start contacting you again.

That's when she's been dumped or ghosted. That's when she suddenly starts "missing you and what you had together". My guess is that her messages will stop within a week, and will start up again after 2-3 months. Decide if you even want to reply with a told-you-so or if you just block her now. Good luck with everything, OP.


Good for you! I had to set boundaries when I started dating my wife. If she hadn't respected my boundaries then I wouldn't have married her. Most people seem to accept being disrespected. I'm happy to read that you have a backbone and stood your ground. Well done. Plenty of fish in the sea. You'll do just fine in the future.

Sources: Reddit
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