'AITA for leaving early after my girlfriend’s kids mocked my name and she brushed it off?'
"AITA for leaving early after my girlfriend’s kids mocked my name and she brushed it off?"
I (M, 40) have been seeing a woman (F, 36) since July. She’s fun to hang out with. I have a busy work schedule, and she has two kids, so we usually get together when she’s child-free and I’m not working.She asked me to meet her kids in October, but I told her I wasn’t ready yet. She asked again in November, and I said maybe after the holiday season.
On Saturday, I was supposed to go to her place at 5 p.m. When I arrived, her kids were there. I introduced myself. I’m French Canadian, and my name is common in both French and English.
I always introduce myself by saying, “Hi, I’m Sébastien,” (in the French way) but I tell people they can call me Sebastian or Seb if they like. The kids (10 and 12 girls) started laughing and said, “Sébastien? What a stupid name.” They started making fun of my name. I said it’s actually French, since I’m French Canadian. They started laughing even harder.
Then their mom came in and said their dad was supposed to pick them up, but he had canceled but that it was okay, and we could have a nice family dinner. The kids again said, “Yeah, with Sebastien, haha.” Their mom smiled and said they’re just kids and laugh at silly things. I felt very uncomfortable. I made an excuse and left within about 15 minutes.
Now my girlfriend is mad, saying I bailed on her and “ran away” as soon as I saw the kids, like a pathetic coward. Was I AH? Did I overreact to the kids’ behavior and her brushing it off? The whole thing made me feel really uncomfortable.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
So her response is to call you a coward? That's dumping-worthy.
It was disrespectful and the mother should have said something, even a performative “we don’t greet guests like this here”.
Mum sounds a bit AHey because of that and also because she will say the kids were alright but you are not prepared to meet them (this true she’s been pushing and you’ve been stalling) so you are using her kids as an excuse instead of admitting her kids are rude and impolite and should know better. I think this sets the scene quite nicely to what life in this relationship may look like for you.
The mocking from the kids isn’t the problem here - it’s their mothers reaction.
The next day, the OP returned with an update.
I wasn’t planning to post an update but here it is. Since yesterday my now ex has spiraled. She sent me like 20 messages in the morning on Instagram saying what a loser I am, that I’m a weak, pathetic wuss, that I would be a terrible stepdad, and that she was planning to have a baby with me (well that was new to me because we never talked about this). Then she deleted all of them.
When I checked my phone after my work meeting, she had sent another 20 messages saying how she misses me, that we could get through this, that we belong to each other, and asking me to call her. I didn’t answer. She deleted those too and then sent another million messages swearing at me. She deleted those too.
She sent new messages and said I was awful because I gave her the silent treatment. I messaged that I didn’t know what was going on, that I was at work, saw all her messages, then checked my phone again and saw the opposite of her first texts.
I said I wanted to give her time to calm down and then we could talk. She said not to bother and that she hates me and blocked me. Then she unblocked me. Apparently she also posted my image in a local “Are We Dating the Same Guy” Facebook group to warn other women about me.
My coworker is in that group and showed me. She said I was emotionally awful and terrible with kids. At this point I’m going to take a break from everything and focus on Christmas shopping for my nieces and nephews. Dating in your 40’s is something!!
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Block and walk!!
Your post history is visible. Ten and twelve is way too old to be making fun of someone's name. It's way too old to be rude to a guest. Obviously their mother never taught them manners, and on top of that she's unstable. The trash took itself out.
Now I'm wondering about the ex/father due to what happened to OOP with those 3 - did he remove himself from the trash and decided when plus if he wants to be around them for custody/visitation time?
Ah literacy. Thou art a cruel witch. Those kids bring rude, just saved OP from a lot of trouble. That was a lucky escape!
Wish he just screencapped all the deleted messages, and posted them to the ‘are we dating the same guy’ page…reputation saved.
Based on the ex’s behavior I’m not at all surprised of her children’s behavior. OP definitely dodged a missile because his ex is insane.
She's a terrible parent. She's pushing you to meet her children before you're ready. When you do meet them, she doesn't contact you beforehand to let you know (was it really accidental rather than on purpose?).
They mock your name. She brushes it off. Leaving had nothing to do with children. It had to do with her not correcting them. If you were meeting her roommates or friends and they mocked your name, you'd leave then too.
She pushed him to meet her kids too soon, and ordinarily I'd suggest maybe it's because she was afraid of getting too deep without knowing how they would get along, but her texts exposed her as a 'Nice Girl' who was just planning on using them to manipulate him further.
Her kids were immediately rude and she tried to insist on bringing them on the date when he wasn't expecting it, which wouldn't be okay even if they were angels. He did the right thing by not insulting a 10 and 12 year old, and just walking away, because they are not peers.
I guarantee if he had, people would have been saying "of course, you loser, how dare you insult children?" If anyone is not ready to date with kids involved, it was that mom.