'My husband asked me to flash some roadworkers. I did and then he got mad. How do we move on?'

"My (36f) husband (52m) asked me to flash some roadworkers. I did and then he got mad and pushed me out of the car next to them. How do we move on from this?"

Been together ten years married for six. The last two or three years he’s started to show less and less interest in me. He does subscribe to a couple of Onlyfans accounts, which I’m not bothered about as it’s no different to porn, so I know he still has s-xual urges.

I’ve tried talking to him a couple of times about this and told him I’m getting bored and frustrated and he knows I’m willing to try anything s--ual so if there’s anything he wants to do to get him motivated I’ll try it. He just says “duly noted” and carries on with his day which is frustrating.

A few nights ago we had friends round for tea and we got on to the subject of commutes and road works, with them saying how their commute has more than doubled due to a road they use having roadworks. Carol (the wife of the couple) then says “we’ve found a way to make it more entertaining though haven’t we?” To her husband and they both started laughing.

She then tells us that the roadworks are about three miles long with the groups of workers spread out to maybe 7 or 8 groups and they are normally going 10-15mph so when they get near one of the groups he beeps and she flashes them and they all cheer.

I couldn’t believe it as they seem so straight laced! That night when they left my husband was saying how brave it is of them and that we should do it the next morning.

I asked if he’s sure (this is a man who didn’t like when I posted a bikini pic on Facebook) and he said yes and we even had s-x that night for the first time in months and he initiated for the first time in years. The next morning we were both of work and as soon as he woke up he mentioned me flashing.

I asked if he’s sure and it wasn’t just h-rny talk and what if the men don’t want to be flashed. He said he’s sure and all men want to be flashed. We drive to the road and we see a group of workmen and my husband gets all giddy and says “are you ready?” I say yes and he says “now!” And beeps his horn and I lift my top up and they all cheer.

We are going about 10mph when suddenly he slams his brakes on and tells me to get out! I was in shock! His face is red with anger and he’s shouting “get out you f-king slag!" I start crying and he’s leaning over me opening my car door and then takes off my seatbelt and starts pushing me out!

The cars behind are beeping as he’s stopped traffic and he’s yelling at the top of his voice. By now the workers have heard the commotion and two of them are rushing over to help. I turn to look at them and I do he pushes me really hard and the top half of my body falls out the car and I put my hands down.

One of the workers is screaming at my husband and starts trying to open his door. The other worker is by me and quickly drags me out the car. He told me afterwards he saw my husband put the car in gear and thought he was going to drive off with me hanging out the car. My husband just left me. I was still only wearing a vest top and pyjama shorts and my slippers as he’d wanted to rush out and do this.

My phone was in his car and I didn’t have any house keys. One of the workers took his jacket off and wrapped me up in that. They took me to a cabin that was their canteen and put the heater on and made me a cup of tea. I was so embarrassed. This lot had seen my b--bs and then seen me getting ab-sed and then fell out of a car and then rescued me all in the space of thirty seconds.

I kept apologising to them and said it was his idea but they said it’s okay and it happens a few times a day, and they are used to it. But I think they were just trying to make me feel better. They were laughing and joking with me and were all so sweet and funny.

They asked if I wanted to ring anyone but I don’t know anyone’s number apart from work and I didn’t want them picking me up wearing next to nothing from a building site.

I asked if I could just ring a taxi but they said I can’t get in a taxi dressed how I am. The man I’m assuming was their team leader told one of them to drive me wherever I wanted to go so I asked if I could go to my mum's about five miles away.

They gave me some spare work boots to walk across the mud to the van and two of them drove me to my mum's and they were really sweet and making sure I was ok and even walked me to the front door. When my mum answered I was hysterical and crying and they told her me and my husband had an argument and he left me by the side of the road.

My mum offered them a drink and I tired to give them their coat and boots back but they said it’s ok. I told my mum we were driving to McDonald’s and got in an argument. I didn’t tell her about the pushing or anything. She drove me home and let me in with a spare key she has. I packed some things and went back to my mum's. My husband had been home as my phone was on the table.

In the five days since he’s been ringing me non stop saying he’s sorry and he don’t know what came over him. He said he heard someone shout “nice pair” and it made him angry. My friends are saying leave, his are obviously telling me to give him another chance. I’m 50/50 but if I do stay I’m going to insist on couples counselling for us both and s-x therapy either for him or both of us.

He says he doesn’t want to involve other people in the relationship. It feels silly to throw it all away over a few seconds of madness and I should have just said no when he asked me to flash as I know he’s quite insecure. I was blinded by finally getting some sex and attention from him and thought I could get more.

I took the workers their jacket and boots back and also made them two cakes and bought them 1000 bags of Yorkshire tea as a thank you.

TL;DR: husband wanted me to flash, I did, he then physically pushed me out of the car but says he’s sorry.

Commenters had a lot to say in response.

Alarmed_Jellyfish555 wrote:

I don't think any relationship advice will do anything to help your situation. Nor will couple's counseling. This is definitely the sort of situation where couple's counseling will only escalate problematic/ab-sive behavior.

What you need, quite frankly, is a divorce lawyer.

OP responded:

That’s the thought that’s becoming more prevalent in my mind. I took pics of the bruises and scuffs on my arms and legs afterwards and I keep looking at them and thinking “what would I say to anyone else who shown me them?”

motchiko wrote:

You sound codependent on him and do everything he tells you to do to please him, because you are terrified that he will leave you. Now you are in a situation where you did what he told you to do, but he ditched you anyway.

He left you on the side of road to the mercy of strangers that you just flashed with nothing on you. That was very dangerous and it makes me question, if he wanted something to happen to you.

This relationship isn’t safe for you anymore and that probably for some time. He’s ab-sive. He doesn’t wanna do couples counseling, because he knows what they would tell you. It isn’t wise do that with him anyway, because all that therapy is gonna teach him are more weak points of you to take advantage of.

Look for therapy for yourself. You know that he doesn’t love you, that’s why you accept all these behaviors of him. You can’t make him love you by accepting his disrespect. You need to leave. It won’t get better it will get worse.

cherrylippz wrote:

It wasn’t ‘a few seconds of madness’. He physically ass--lted you. He called you vile names. He abandoned you in an incredibly vulnerable position. He didn’t care who saw what he did and he didn’t stop when his behaviour was challenged. How can you ever trust him or feel safe with him again? All the therapy in the world will not stop him from be the person who did that to you.

ConIncognito wrote:

I’m sure he told his friends an altered version of events so they’d be on his side. And he doesn’t want to get outside parties involved because he knows his actions were appalling and unforgivable. You shouldn’t trust this a-hole ever again. What a massive betrayal.

Three weeks later, OP shared an update.

I took people's advice on this sub and a couple of others and rang the police to report the attack. I spoke to the workers beforehand who said they’d back me up. They arrested my husband and then released him on bail but told him he couldn’t stay at my house so he’s gone to his mum's.

After the argument he told all our friends that I had cheated. I hadn’t wanted to admit to people that I had flashed but I felt like the tide was really turning against me and a lot of people were believing his lies, so I wrote a long message with a description of exactly what happened.

Plus, pictures of my injuries including scrapes and bruises plus screenshots of messages he’s sent admitting he asked me to flash and admitting he hit me although he did blame me saying if I just got out like he asked he wouldn’t have had to do that.

A few people apologised, most didn’t, but I don’t care anymore. I’m back home and he has to answer bail in a couple of months. The police don’t sound confident they can get a conviction but maybe that’s how they are supposed to sound. I’ve spoke a little bit to a lawyer but I can’t really afford anything at the minute in that way.

Been a sad few weeks but an eye opener and I don’t feel any guilt for getting the police involved or telling people what happened. Just working and keeping myself busy at the moment.

TL;DR: I informed the police about the as--ult and he had to leave my house.

The internet was deeply invested.

muttoneer wrote:

You didn't mention divorce, but I hope that is proceeding and you've retained a lawyer.

Disastrous-Panda5530 wrote:

I hope you plan on leaving him. I read the original post and you said it felt silly to leave him over something like this. This was no little incident. It doesn’t matter what bs excuse he comes up with. I was horrified reading the original post.

haunted_vcr wrote:

He could’ve k--led you. You are so lucky those construction workers were kind of people. I don’t know what kind of assets you need to divide but if it’s not anything too complicated I don’t think you need an expensive lawyer for a divorce. Technically, you don’t need one at all unless you’re worried he will screw financially. If you can, maybe you could borrow some money for the proceedings.

fuzzykittytoebeans wrote:

I'm glad you're away from him. Stay strong. And take some time for yourself and treat yourself best you can. I'm so glad the workers could back you up.