'AITA for not using my travel points for my mama's boy husband to vacation with mama?'
"AITA for being furious that my husband canceled our vacation but is now going on one with his mom—using my travel points?"
More_Blacksmith6854 writes:
I (31F) have been fighting with my husband (42M) over his family. His mother and stepfather are especially toxic. His mom is a classic “boy mom”: controlling, rude, and constantly crossing boundaries.
She called me the C-word at our wedding and got kicked out of our rehearsal dinner. Her husband is just as chaotic. They’re both alcoholics and affluent, which makes them feel entitled to control our lives, even from across the country.
My husband is a good man, but he makes poor choices and struggles to stand up to his family. He defends me sometimes, but acts like he deserves praise for it. For example, she called me fat at dinner (I’m 5'4", 115 lbs, not that it matters).
He waited until the next day to say something because he wanted to let her sober up and think it through. He also often refuses to make plans with me if he hasn’t seen his mom recently, but he won’t plan visits either because he hates seeing them.
The real issue: about a month ago, he borrowed $2,500 from his mom without telling me. He said it was for a side business. I have a savings account that could have covered it, but I would have expected him to repay it and sit down with me to budget. My MIL regularly spends that amount on bar tabs. I feel like my husband ran to her instead to avoid being an adult.
I planned a two-week vacation for us and our dogs this summer. I paid for it and did all of the planning. All he had to do was request time off. At the last minute, he said he couldn’t get time off and got upset when I said I wanted to go alone.
Then his mom and stepdad offered to forgive the $2,500 if he visits them this summer, in the exact window we were supposed to be on vacation. Their words were, “Just use your wife’s points.”
He thinks this is a great deal. He wants to use my travel points, have me stay home to take care of the pets, and act like this is completely normal. I told him I’m incredibly disappointed. He says he understands, but thinks this is a too-good-to-pass-up opportunity and wants my help booking the trip.
No. I’m done. I’m not booking his flights. I’m not paying. I’m not planning anything for a trip I’m not even invited on after canceling our vacation. I’m the planner in our relationship, but he’s capable. He can read. So… AITA for being furious and refusing to fund or organize a trip that benefits everyone but me?
People responded to OP.
ElizaJaneVegas says:
42? It sounds like he’s 15. Please go on the vacation with the dogs. His mummy can plan and pay for his trip to see her. She’s ‘buying’ him to visit her by forgiving the $2500 loan - she can fork over the travel expenses too. You get that this is a power play she’s making, right? She’s asserting that she’s in charge and your husband is (happily) willing to be controlled by her money. Is this ok for you?
sarahhchachacha says:
So your husband is NOT a good man?
Pattonator70 says:
As someone in a similar situation as your hubby YTA. Let him have time with his family. You won’t win. You don’t have to go along. If you care for your hubby then respect what is important to him, and that will improve your relationship. My wife calls visiting my dad in the hospital after heart surgery as an unnecessary vacation. Don’t do that.
MyDogsNameIsToes says:
INFO-How long has this relationship been going on? I ask because I'm trying to figure out how sunk your costs might be, which will affect how long it takes you to leave.