'AITA for getting mad at my husband after he forced me to watch fireworks even though it's dangerous for me?'
AITA for getting mad the my husband forced me to watch fireworks with his family even though I have photosensitive epilepsy?
luzyintheskyy writes:
My (31F) mother-in-law invited my husband (35M) over for the 4th of July for some barbecue. The rest of his family was going to set off fireworks when it got dark. I did not want to attend as I have photosensitive epilepsy, and I felt very worried I would have a seizure as it has happened in past 4th of Julys.
My husband reassured me that we would only stop by for food and then head home before the fireworks. I told him he could go by himself, but he said if I didn’t go, his family would think that I didn’t like them. So I decided to go, trusting my husband against my better judgment.
The dinner came and went, and his family convinced my husband to stay for the fireworks. Keep in mind that his family knows I have epilepsy, but they just suggested putting on sunglasses (it doesn’t work like that). I gave my husband a concerned and upset look, but he dismissed it. I had to close and cover my eyes the whole time while they were hooting and hollering, having a good time, while I tried not to choke on tears.
They didn’t even ask if I was okay. I left for the bathroom, and my husband came in 15 minutes later. I blew up at him. I told him that he said we would leave before the fireworks and that, as my husband, he should have defended me and thought of my health. We finally left after the fireworks were done.
I cried in the car, and when my husband tried to put his hand on my arm, I jerked my arm away and told him to stop. He said I was being mean. I’m still very, very upset and am currently locked in our room, crying with earplugs in to drown out the loud fireworks outside. He’s just hanging out in the living room and doesn’t understand why I’m upset. So Reddit, am I the a^@$ole?
OP provided a small update:
I still haven’t talked to my husband, since he went to work, so we haven’t had the chance. But I’ve read a bit of the comments, the good and the bad. And of course, some people aren’t understanding my point of view, which I understand since you’re all internet strangers with your own points of view.
Anyway, I now understand that, yes, I could have asked to go inside and advocated for myself. To defend myself, I didn’t want to seem like a b%^#h and ruin the fun or make everything awkward. Hindsight’s 20/20—I should have gone inside.
This situation has opened my eyes in a few ways. For one, I need to advocate for myself and prioritize my health above my husband’s or his family’s feelings and not go anywhere that I am uncomfortable or might have a seizure, but of course, let him do what he wants and go wherever he wants.
And for those telling me that I should have “just left.” How? I don’t have an active license due to my epilepsy, and there are no Ubers or taxis in the very small town I live in. I also really want to thank the people who understood my feelings and saw my point of view.
And for the very kind words, especially those who know people with epilepsy, are empathetic and can relate. I’m going to be talking to my husband this afternoon, explaining my feelings calmly and showing him this post. Maybe he’ll understand where I’m coming from. Thank you, everyone.
Here are the top comments:
shammy_dammy says:
NTA. Oh, he has the nerve to call you mean? He completely understand why you're upset, he just isn't concerned with dealing with it.
boxing_coffee says:
Yeah, the minute that I read that, I thought "being mean is forcing someone to needlessly sit through something that could trigger their medical issues, as well as completely ignoring OP's boundaries."
There are so many ways he could have handled this better and he utterly failed. I hope that he reads these comments because this is an awful thing to do to someone that you love, and he clearly doesn't seem to understand that.
Express_Revolution52 says:
My sister has epilepsy. We don't know if fireworks can trigger her epilepsy, but we are still very careful about them. Your husband sounds like an insensitive jerk. NTA.
grayblue_grrl says:
Your husband LIED to you. And he thinks you are the problem? You are mean? He doesn't seem to care about you at all, does he? Do you have a therapist? You should talk to one. ASAP. NTA.
What do you think?