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'AITA for asking my husband for a postnup after I found out he has a secret child?'

'AITA for asking my husband for a postnup after I found out he has a secret child?'


"AITA for wanting a postnup with my husband after finding out he has a secret child?"

One_Sun_2607 says:

Recently, my husband’s ex from high school showed up, saying they had a child together 13 years ago, and their daughter now wants to get to know him. They broke up right after high school and went to different universities.

They were already broken up when she found out she was pregnant, and since she wanted to go to med school, her parents offered to take care of the baby but apparently banned her from telling my husband.

I’m 100% supportive of my husband getting to know his daughter, but at the same time, I have some financial concerns. I came into this marriage with more assets, I earn more than him, and financial stability is very important to me. The thought of something happening to him and losing part of my assets to his child terrifies me.

Sharing everything with my husband never bothered me before because that’s part of marriage, but him suddenly having a daughter is not what I signed up for. Therefore, I want a postnuptial agreement that protects my assets.

When I told this to my husband, he got very frustrated with me, saying that he just found out he has a daughter and he wasn’t in her life for the first 13 years. He is still in shock, and one of the first things I do is come at him with a postnup, making it seem like I'm preparing to divorce him.

I think I'm justified in wanting a postnup, and I've spent the last two months being extremely supportive of him and helping him manage this situation. I don't see why wanting peace of mind for myself is that bad, but one of my friends also said that I'm kind of an a&^%ole for bringing up a postnup and it's not like my husband is likely to die anytime soon, which makes me really need this. AITAH?

Here are the top comments:

ghostoftommyknocker says:

NTA (Not the A^@#ole). Your husband now has financial and blood inheritance complications that you didn't know about going into the marriage (and, in fairness, neither did he). The potential fate of your assets is not what you signed up for.

Why is she telling your husband now? Her motives could be innocent, or they could be something else. But you have to consider the ramifications of him establishing paternity, wanting a relationship, and possible back payments of child support. And it sounds like any legal or child maintenance costs will be disproportionately paid for by you rather than him because of your greater wealth.

So, you can't afford to wait for your husband to come to terms with the shock of his life. He is on an emotional rollercoaster right now, but there are financial and legal repercussions that might begin sooner rather than later. Someone has to think about that. You should ask for legal advice -- not just for you, but on behalf of your husband, too.

You should also bear in mind that finances, assets, legal consequences, and inheritances are the last thing on his mind right now. So, you probably will sound cold, ruthless, and selfish to him at this moment.

So, NTA for being concerned and wanting to get this addressed sooner rather than later, but do make sure you are compassionate and empathetic about this situation and the emotional toll all of this will be having on your husband. You can do this in an empathetic way or an a%@&ole way; make sure it's the former and not the latter.

camkats says:

NTA this mom could sue him for back child support and current support. OP needs to ensure everything is based her husband and not joint income or assets. I think she’s smart for this. I think it’s important to do it quickly- I would ask for the same. I’m sure he was shell shocked but so was she. We are talking paying for school, cars, college, insurance etc. it’s important to get ahead of it.

BorderNo1064 says:

NTA. You gave him 2 months. The news is big but he’s an adult and life isn’t always gonna be smooth sailing. He had his shock and now he needs to prepare and so do you. Protect yourself and your assets

Tall-Neogtiation6623 says:

NTA. The situation has change drastically since you got married. Your concerns are valid and there is also the chance that this will alter how your relationship develops. It’s stupid to pretend that it isn’t a possibility. It’s been two months and how long are you suppose to wait.

You have been supporting him in the last two months with all of this, you are now asking that he supports you in getting a postnup. He needs to also hear you out and not make everything about him.

What do you think?

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