'My husband invites his family and friends over without telling me until that day. AITA for snapping?'
"AITA? My husband will invite his family and friends over without telling me until that day."
Like the title says. He then expects me to clean, run to the store and prep/cook everything. I finally just decided to leave the house the last time he told me because I only had 4 hours till their arrival. He canceled.
The thing is, his family is constantly judging and talking about each other, so when he says "It doesn't matter, they don't care..." I know, and he knows, he's full of it.
Also, it's not just tidying the house. We are not regularly stocked in food or drinks to have people over. When I got home, I asked what he was planning on having for dinner, and he responded, "I don't know, I guess it's good that they aren't coming over anymore."
Now he is sulking, saying I am the problem because I can't go with the flow. I have told him multiple times I just need a couple days notice to get things in order. But he insists I am just difficult, uptight and uncooperative. AITA?
The internet had a lot of thoughts.
Good-Nemo-3601 wrote:
But if you’re just making things more difficult than they needed to be, why couldn’t they come over when you left the house. If it’s not a big deal to handle things when they come over, why couldn’t he handle it? He sorta just proved himself wrong.
outrageous-ad-9635 wrote:
NTA.
The fact that he cancelled instead of doing the prep work and hosting on his own proves that he knows how much work is involved in “going with the flow”. If he doesn’t want to do it, why should you?
CleanCardiologist160 wrote:
NTA - your husband is though. If he can’t respect his wife enough to give her a couple of days notice as you have repeatedly asked, then he can clean, shop and cook or cancel.
You should show him this thread so he sees how unfair he is to you. He needs to be a better husband.
perpetuallyxhausted wrote:
You really should just "go with the flow" and flow out the door every time he says they're coming by with no notice. Just give him a "I'll be back before dinner so you guys don't need to wait for me. I'm looking forward to what you're gonna be serving all of us."
Because you're right, if he/they really didn't give a s#$t they'd have at least ordered in something if a bunch of adults couldn't figure out how to cook something without OP. But no he cancelled the whole thing instead.
Coop654321 wrote:
Don't leave next time, just chill in the living room, watch TV, & when he asks why you aren't frantically getting the house ready tell him you're "going with the flow" & you look forward to seeing what he comes up with for his impromptu get together.
messy_thoughts47 wrote:
NTA and keep doing this (leaving and not preparing/prepping anything). He will either stop this nonsense and give you proper notice or learn to plan/prep on his own. And even if he does give you proper notice, you need to delegate some tasks to him, e.g., give him a list and send him to the store, help with cleanup, etc.
Arianddu wrote:
Turn the tables. Tell him you're having an impromptu barbeque and he needs to clean up the garden, including mowing the lawn, get out tables and chairs and the bbq, go out and buy all the food and have it all set up before folks start arriving at 4.
And it's his job because everyone knows barbecues and yard work are Man Jobs. And when he says no, sulk, and when he puts pressure on you to clean and prepare food, do whatever he does to you when he invites these people over without warning and you ask for help.
Marionberryok2784 wrote:
Sorry, how is his unknown invitation suddenly your emergency? If he wants you to do all the work, he can at least give you the time to do it. What he really should be doing is either cleaning the house or going to the store, or helping you prep…why is it all on you anyway? Sounds like someone is UNCOOPERATIVE, and it’s not you. Sorry you don’t have a teammate. NTA.
SweetDreamoftheAbyss wrote:
NTA. This is where "a lack of planning on your part does not mean an emergency on my part" comes into play.
If he wants to host, HE can host. You already made plans to help your sister alphabetize her shoes.
stiletto929 wrote:
If he invites people over without checking with you, he can do the cleaning, shopping, or cooking. He should be doing all this with you, anyway.
Mindless-Client3366 wrote:
NTA. Refuse to prepare anything every time he does this, or go out. If you get texts asking why your husband keeps canceling, tell them the truth. "Sorry to hear about that. You'll have to ask him. I had no idea you were coming, and I already had other plans for this evening." Let him sulk. He can either grow up and learn how to throw his own parties, or he can keep embarrassing himself.