'AITA for confronting my sister about cheating with my husband based on what our mom told me?' UPDATED 2X
"AITA for confronting my sister about cheating with my husband based on what our mom told me?"
ferandmo writes:
My husband is cheating on me. I know this for certain. He’s doing all the things a cheating spouse would do. He’s turned off his location tracker, he’s been ignoring me, staying out late with "work" buddies, and has all the excuses for everything. I know what this is.
I don’t know with whom, but I know he’s cheating. I talked to my mom about it, and she mentioned that my sister has been doing the same thing. I have two sisters: one is married with kids (Rae), and the other is a freshman in college and still lives at home (Emma).
Mom says Emma has been acting the same way my husband has, and around the same time. Emma and my husband have always gotten along, but now that I think about it, they might get along a little too well.
My husband and I are expecting our first child. It’s been a good marriage until a few months ago when things started getting rocky. Then this. I confronted my sister this morning, and she denied everything, calling me an insecure b%@$h for even suggesting it. I told her that Mom told me, and now my mom is upset because I “threw her under the bus.” Rae wants no part of this mess. Am I the a^%$ole?
OP provided an update a few hours later.
It’s now really late where we live, and my husband hasn’t come home. He hasn’t answered his phone. I’ve texted him multiple times, and I know he’s read the messages, but he won’t answer. I was going to talk to him when he got back, but he still isn’t home. I don’t know if he’s coming back.
As I mentioned before, I’m 37 weeks pregnant and I have preeclampsia. My blood pressure is skyrocketing, and I’m trying to calm down. To everyone who suggested hiring a PI: I’ve been on unpaid FMLA for the last month because of my blood pressure complications, and I don’t have money for anything other than this baby.
All my savings are going toward the baby’s future and any potential medical bills. A PI isn’t in my budget. For those telling me I jumped to conclusions but also suggesting divorce in the same breath—isn’t divorce also jumping to conclusions? Divorce isn’t in the budget right now either. I know how expensive lawyers are.
OP responded to top comments from readers:
seductive_elisse says:
NTA for confronting your sister, but you might be TA for how you handled it. It's understandable that you're hurt and suspicious, but it's important to approach this situation with sensitivity and gather more evidence before making accusations.
OP responded:
I'm seeing other comments and it's a mixed bag but I will say I am 37 weeks pregnant, I'm afraid for the future, I feel like I'm drowning, and while I may have lashed out at Emma my mom would NOT lie about soemthing like that. Why would she?
Forward_Most_1993 says:
YTA. You have no proof that Emma is cheating with your husband. She is young and in college—of course she is going to go and stay out late and partying. It doesn’t mean she’s your husband’s affair partner. This accusation seems incredibly far-fetched. I understand you’re frustrated and upset but get some evidence before you go and ruin additional relationships.
OP responded:
Why would our mom say that then? I trust my mom completely and she wouldn't make this up. Everything lines up that the two of them are seeing each other.
Later OP created a new post with an update:
My life is completely upended. It has been over 24 hours since I confronted my younger sister, Emma, about cheating with my husband. I was 1000% sure my husband was cheating with her based on what our mother told me yesterday. It turns out I was wrong.
My husband did not come home last night. I know he read my text messages because they are marked read. He ignores all of my calls though. I had no idea where he was. I got about 2 hours of sleep last night and that was only because I was utterly exhausted.
I woke up to my older sister, Rae, calling. I answered it. Rae lives in the culdesac at the end of our parents street, about 5 houses down. Rae is also a SAHM. Rae started by apologizing over and over again which just made me nervous, and when I pressed her she said she was sorry for not telling me when she knew for certain that my husband was cheating with our mother.
I will admit, I barely can remember what was said because of the shock, but I’m trying my best to write it to remember it for the future.
Rae said that this has been going on for a few months, so that would be before me and him were actually married. She says that Emma would leave to go to night classes or hang out with friends, and about 20 minutes later my husband would pull up to our parents house.
He would stay there for an hour or two and then leave before Emma got back. Rae said this happened multiple nights a week now, whenever Emma and our dad were gone.
Our dad works long shifts at night. He would have no idea. We know mom probably has location tracking for Emma, which is how they knew where she was. We don’t know if Emma took that off yet. Emma obviously is not happy with me so I can’t ask her.
The most damning thing is that mom went out last night and didn’t return until the morning before dad got home from work. Rae texted her asking if everything was ok and mom said that a friend of hers was sick and needed comforting.
Emma also did not come home last night but that’s probably because she is pissed and hurt and needed to be around friends. I will apologize to her but I can’t without telling her what’s going on.
Rae keeps apologizing saying that she just didn’t want to get involved and it wasn’t her business. She also called me an a^%$ole for confronting Emma, and says that by doing that I’m tearing the family apart. She has forbidden me from telling dad, saying she’ll never forgive me.
I feel like dad has the right to know. I know how it feels to have someone do this to you and to have the information withheld. I’m not going to say anything until I have concrete evidence because I learned my lesson, but would I be the a&*(ole if I told my dad and Emma what is happening?
— Update: I’ve had nothing but time to think. I’ve been alone in my house, reading comments, figuring out how I’m going to do everything. I’m overwhelmed and I’m fatigued inside out and am too tired to freak out anymore.
My soon to be ex husband called me. He sounded like he had been on a bender and was hung over. Slurring his words, repeating things. He said he’s sorry, that he’s a piece of s^%&, that he loves me, that he’s on his way home. He turned on his location and did a “check in” so I know he is on the hwy headed towards my house but I don’t know where he was.
Our mother has been unusually silent. Rae apologized again over text. I don’t care anymore.
I haven’t talked to my dad or Emma. I’m not going to until I have something concrete. I don’t want to be that person again.
OP addressed some comments:
• Rae does use our mother for childcare. Could be a reason why she doesn’t want to rock the boat. Probably THE reason actually.
• This is not the first time our mother has cheated on our dad. I remember back when I was around 11 they separated for a while. It was very traumatic for all of us.
• I have an appointment with my OB later this week where we will discuss inductions. My BP has been hovering around 155/87 - 145/80. Swelling has been worse. I’m monitoring my health along with the baby.
• The culdesac is not a trailer park though I did chuckle. It may as well be one now.
• I am sure that in order to record him I need his consent. I’ll work on that when he gets home. I have thoughts about how to do it. I’m trying to be smarter.
I’ll update again. Probably won’t be soon but you’ll get one. You guys are really helping me get my s%$# together.
Here are some comments for OP:
She would've gotten away with it, too, if it wasn't for those meddling kids!
This is the most apt use of this Scooby-Doo line that I've ever read. Lmfao
ferandmo OP responded:
I’m not going to lie. I’m in a world of hurt and confusion and pain, and this made me laugh. Thank you.
StaringBlnklyAtMyNVL replied:
I'm glad I could make you laugh, I'm not trying to make fun of the situation or of you. I hope you'll be alright, I'm very sorry everything is so messed up right now. Take care of yourself.
all of this family affair crap aside, the fact that you're 37 weeks pregnant, have pre-eclampsia and your husband is just gone, not answering the phone all this time is really the only reason you need to kick him out, change the locks and eventually divorce him.
ferandmo OP responded:
I can’t even drive anywhere. I’m a seizure risk.
OP, cant you go to a friend or another family member for your own health at this point?
ferandmo OP responded:
I would but my home is literally my house. He is not on the title at all. I’m not leaving my home. He f%^$#d up.