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'AITA for planning a divorce plot after my husband suggested I get cosmetic surgery?' UPDATED.

'AITA for planning a divorce plot after my husband suggested I get cosmetic surgery?' UPDATED.


"AITA for snapping at my husband for continously suggesting I get cosmetic surgery?"

InvestigatorSea1323 writes:

I (27F) have been married to my husband (34M) for over a year. We’ve been together for six years. He’s a gym freak, which I don’t have a problem with except when he sometimes tries to impose his routine on me (pressuring me into adopting his dietary habits). I exercise too (I’m 5'6"/130 lbs) but I enjoy my food, and nothing will change that. That’s not what I’m posting about, though.

Lately, I can't wear a dress without him telling me I look good but that I would've looked better if I had breast augmentation surgery. He never complained about anything for six years until the past 4-5 months.

I’ve told him before that I’m not against it but not planning to get one (it took me years to regain my confidence because my mother used to make hurtful remarks about my body as if it was something I didn't achieve).

A few days ago, we were getting intimate and he didn’t hesitate to remind me "again" that I would look ten times better if I listented to him, which turned me off instantly. I don't remember exactly what I said, but it was something along the lines of, "I know how it feels. Never mind, you’re the perfect size. The big ones hurt anyway."

He got mad and called me immature and all. Mind you, he’s been pressuring me to have the surgery for four months now, and I never snapped at him. Yesterday, we were getting ready to go to his friend’s wedding, but I ended up staying home. He brought up the surgery again, and I snapped at him. I reminded him that we dated for five years before we got married.

He had plenty of time to realize that I'm not good enough for him and break up with me to find a woman who has what he’s looking for. (I do have eyes. He’s right—I’m flat-chested, but I have a nice body overall).

He said he loves me and wants to be with me but feels he could be more attracted to me with bigger breasts. I ended up telling him to go alone. I can't shake off the feeling that our recent arguments are taking us down a toxic path. It's not the kind of relationship I want for us.

Is this worth considering divorce over? Other than this, we do get along very well, but I feel like he’s taking me back to the days when I would stand in front of the mirror for minutes thinking I would never find a man who would like me if I myself don't like what I'm seeing.

OP provided an update a few days later:

I had no intention of mentioning divorce, not until I get some answers that could help with my decision. I was hoping we would end up agreeing on counseling or something. I just wanted an honest conversation to know if there was a way to fill that void for him without ever getting the surgery. [Reddit link]

I sat him down last night, and just like usual, he tried to change the subject. I made it clear to him that it's either we talk about it now or he never ever brings up breast surgery again. Well, that did it for him. I asked him why he suddenly, after six years together, wants me to get one. He wouldn't give me a straight answer.

I told him if I'm to consider having one, he needs to be honest with me about what changed in the past few months. He grabbed his phone and showed me some women's pictures on his phone (and let me tell you, they weren't Instagram models. They were 100% OF models). He showed me more than five pictures with no shame or the slightest consideration of my feelings.

With each pic, he said things like "See, you would look ten times hotter" and "She's not even as gorgeous as you are, but..." I asked him if I decide to never get the surgery, would he ever drop the idea. Like, can we move past it?

He said it's something he can't stop thinking about because he really feels like he would be more attracted to me and that I myself would feel more confident with the surgery.

I do have eyes, I know that I have a nice body. People see, people compliment, so they can't all be liars. I asked what he ever liked about me in general because from the pictures he showed me, I didn't see any woman that resembles me even a bit.

He said that I'm gorgeous and have a killer smile, and he likes my curvy hips. I asked if there's anything else he likes about me in general (I was hoping he would mention something other than my body or anything), and all he said was, "Your lips." I told him since I'm considering this body augmentation surgery, is there anything else he thinks I could fix so he feels more attracted to me while we're at it.

I hoped that he would at least say something that wasn't about my body. He said, "You're good." I told him I will think about it and said goodnight because I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing my tears. I don't know if I'm just naturally stupid and never paid attention to the red flags or if he just decided to show me his true colors now that we're married.

By the way, since some asked, yes, he does know about my history with my mother. He tried cuddling me and I told him there's a lot on my mind right now. He didn't even argue and after like five minutes said, "I will pay for it. Don't you worry about that."

This is all hurtful because when we met, he was around 230 lbs (he's 5'8") and never went to the gym before (he's 190 lbs now). Physique wasn't important at all back then. But it never/would matter to me as long as the person in front of me cares about me for who I am.

I myself am not perfect. Anyway, he was so insecure about his looks, and I never ever said a thing about it. I used/still voice how I love this and that about him. I boosted his ego just for him to decide that he would be more attracted to me if I get a change my body after six years together.

And for those saying I'm lazy for not going to the gym with him and that he wants what's best for me (I said I do exercise), yes, My body isn't perfect and I know it's not for everyone, and I respect that. But I'm f%@^ing gorgeous.

My mother, him, or anyone else won't change that. (I'm a babe; deal with it.) He himself used to mention how I get looks all the time when we're out. I felt hurt and cried because it hurts to not feel desired by the person you love the most and want to be desired by. Other than that, I'm perfectly happy with my body.

And if I ever decide to get the surgery I will get it for me, not for anybody else. I need time to make a plan before I start the process. When everything is ready and I have a place lined up, I will serve him the papers.

By the way, I will initiate tonight and every night until the day I serve him. (Edit: I get it now; it's a bad idea, but I will go with it for tonight at least.) I have a plan to embaress him and make him feel bad about himself. If he goes low, I'm going lower until I have an exit plan ready.

Thank you to each and everyone who took the time to read my post and share their support/advice. Your words have really made a difference for me. Thanks to the men who offered their perspectives/advice. Your honesty has been eye-opening.

Here are the top comments:

MadHatter_10six says:

I read your original post with my GF and we were curious to read an update. I'm sorry to see that your talk didn't have better results, but at least you know where you stand now.

We were both amazed at the shallowness and casual hurtfulness of your husband's disparaging comments! It's difficult to understand how someone could say something so damaging to a loved one's self-esteem and in so doing sabotage the health of their own marriage. Frankly, your husband sounds like an idiot.

I'm happy to hear that you're not letting it drag you down and that you recognize your own hotness. That self-confidence is really your most attractive feature. Don't lose it, but do lose the dead-weight that is your husband. Good luck!

Rude-Flamingo5420 says:

I always say this but at age 41 and having been in a few toxic relationships... you will find love again and you will be treated better than ever. Don't be afraid to open yourself up to better... you deserve it!

Fsmertz says:

NTA. Your husband is the personification of the term "d%^k head.

What do you think?

Sources: Reddit
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