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'My husband is so jealous of our kids, it’s starting to scare me. Is this marriage savable?' UPDATED 4X

'My husband is so jealous of our kids, it’s starting to scare me. Is this marriage savable?' UPDATED 4X

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If your gut is telling you something's off, it's likely off. Especially if you don't want it to be.

"He (42m) is so jealous of our kids and it’s starting to scare me (35f). Is this family and marriage even savable?"

My husband (42m) and I (35f) tried for so long to have our boys and girl. Due to a health issue my husband suffered, he developed fertility issues and we had to get medical assistance to be able to have our children. If we didn’t, he’d probably never have kids. So we went through fertility treatment.

He desperately wanted his own biological children and we spent a fortune just to bring them into the world and now he’s jealous and distant with them? He’s constantly in competition with his own infant children. If I hold the children he gets frustrated. Any time they take my attention away he gets completely pissy. He’s always in a foul mood, irritable and just down right nasty. I don’t understand it.

Why is he like this? Our children are barely 6 months and they won’t stop crying every time he’s near. I feel like they can sense his negativity. I tried talking to him. I've suggested he take interest in the kids and spend more time with us as a family. I know it can sometimes take a little longer for parents to bond with their children but this is down right scary to experience. He’s full of jealousy and envy.

He sees our children as competition to my time and affections. A few times now he has made comments about feeling frustrated that I still breast feed our children. The thing is we mix feed, so he has had ample opportunity to feed them and he just doesn’t. He also said that this (meaning our life & our marriage after children) wasn’t what he thought it would be like. I mean what did he expect?

A singular baby cries and three of them cry a lot. We’ve been together for 8 years and married for 7 years. He wanted these children. He pushed for them and now this. I never thought this would ever be me. I am scared. I am scared for my children. I have tried talking to him but he just brushes me off. I’ve suggested counseling. He refuses. He tells me it’s all in my head.

I want to save this marriage but I am scared I won’t be able to and maybe it’s not worth saving. He comes home later everyday. He avoids us on the weekends and any time he has off. I’m not ashamed to say that I went through his phone and there are a lot flirtatious text between him and a “Jessica.” I don’t think anything has happened between them but it sure looks like they are building up to it.

I haven’t said anything because I’m afraid. Where do I go with three children, with no money and no family that can help me? I haven’t worked in two years and I’ve spent all my savings on having these children. My mind is in a complete meltdown. I can’t sleep I can’t think and I’m always exhausted. What the hell happened? Is this him now forever?

Edit: Some of you are some real evil b*stards ! Stop blaming me for him mistreating me! I do not deserve to be treated this way and neither do my kids! Stop messaging me evil things!

Commenters did not hold back their honest thoughts.

in_and_out_burger wrote:

Get a camera in the babies bedroom. Check other subs on tips on how to leave safely - some suggest removing important docs like passports and birth certs and storing in a safety deposit box or trusted friend.

You can rent a small storage unit in a nearby area and move stuff over bit by bit so he doesn’t notice (may not be practical with three babies though). Can you take out a bit of cash when you buy groceries abs stash somewhere? Sell items on Marketplace for additional cash.

FruFanGirl wrote:

My dad was like this. Always angry and jealous anytime my mom focused on us 3 kids instead of him. And accusing her always of “running after us so she better get up and serve him too”. And “I’ll make you run”. I am in my late 30s and he still does this toward my 8 year old if my mom does anything for him. No I don’t bring my child around much but he hasn’t changed in 40 years.

Narcissistic, childish, selfish. You’re dealing with my dad basically. Start planning to get out bc it’s not normal plus he already may be cheating and using the family dynamics as an excuse to justify it (he’s not getting enough attention from you and now you’re the enemy who pushes him to another woman). I’m sorry.

OP responded:

This hurt to read but thank you.

javukasin wrote:

I’m so sorry you are going through this. I left my husband when my kids were 6 months old and 2 years old for this reason. It was the best decision I ever made. During separation when he would come to “visit the kids” it always turned into him wanting to have one-on-one time with me; it was never about wanting to spend time with his children.

By the time I left him my 2yo was terrified of him and cried and his behind my legs when he walked into the room. He never hit me; the yelling was enough.

My kids are in their 20s now and are amazing, but my oldest has chronic anxiety and diagnosed OCD, and I wonder to this day if it was caused, in part, by the trauma of her father being verbally ab*sive.

I was fortunate enough to have a fully supportive family who continues to support me and my kids to this day, but I understand you don’t have that. Try to find a therapist who specializes in DV. Try to start making plans to leave. I am so sorry.

ComfortableSearch704 wrote:

First off, are you getting help with the triplets? It doesn’t sound as if he is doing anything whatsoever to help with the children. Are you getting any rest? I think your first issue is to gather/create a support system so that you can get some help for a bit with the kids, so that you get rest on a regular basis.

That support system can also help you plan your escape in the event that you need to remove yourself and the children from him, that way he can’t lash out and try to stop you from leaving or get violent. You could certainly try couples counseling. Have you suggested it? If so, what was his response? His response will help determine if you should even go to counseling with him.

It won’t necessarily be resistance, it will be anger that says it may not work.

If at any point he gets angry and becomes violent, you run. I’d keep a go bag packed up for you and the kids in the event of an emergency.

Put a few of his things in there as well so that if he finds it, you can say it’s a family emergency bag. In the meantime, really think if there have been prior red flags that because of how long you’ve been together, you may have missed. We tend to get blind spots by the time the mask drops.

Ideas for getting support:

Your local women’s shelter. They have counselors and other resources that can help you. They can help you with planing and even help with housing in a crunch. This will probably offer the most practical help.

Even if you aren’t religious, find a local church. I would suggest Episcopalian. They have liberal policies and won’t turn you away. Go speak with the pastor. I’m so sorry you are experiencing this. I can’t imagine how exhausted you must be. How this guy can leave you alone to take care of 6mos old triplets disgusts me. I hope you can find support quickly.

OP responded:

He doesn’t help me at all. I take care of our kids on my own. My parents are long gone and my sister is abroad. She stayed with us for the birth and a month after the children were born. She lives in France but she’s due to return home this summer. So I know I’ll have her help when she’s back. But I’m trying not to bother her as she’s going through a divorce. I’ve suggested couples counseling and he refuses.

He says everything is in my head. I’m actually even crying writing this but I do have a small to go bag in the trunk of my car. Just in case. I feel like I’m not being rational because he doesn’t hurt me or the kids but I feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells. Like what happened to my happy go lucky husband? Who’s this person I’m afraid of?

Three days later, OP shared an update.

Thank you to the person who said I should watch his interactions with my babies more closely and frequently. Not even hours after I posted here asking for advice I caught him pinching my son! While I was scrolling on here and replying to people I decided to check my baby monitor and I watched my husband enter our children’s room and insult them in a hushed and whispery tone.

I couldn’t make out much of what he was saying but he was without a doubt telling them that he hated them and wished them dead. Then he pinched my son and my baby boy didn’t even cry which made me think he’s done this many times before.

It all happened so fast and by the time I could make sense of what was happening on the monitor he was already walking down the hallway and down the stairs. At the same time I had leapt off the sofa and pretty much tackled him as he came off the stairs. We got into a physical and verbal altercation, we fought, argued and shouted for hours.

I guess the police were called by the neighbors because the next thing I know the police are banging on my door. I explained the situation to the p*lice and the officers said that they could not prove that my baby was harmed since he didn’t have a bruise and my baby monitor was only on live feed and not simultaneously recording.

Eventually they got my husband to agree to pack a bag and leave. He left reluctantly. He has since been blowing up my phone begging for forgiveness, talking about how he’s been depressed and stressed by the babies, and that his anxiety and jealousy got the best of him.

I just responded once telling him to go f#$k himself. I’ve also been in contact with a lawyer and she’s advised me to leave him unblocked in case he further incriminates himself. I don’t even recognize who this man is! Where did this all come from? How did this happen? Has any other parent experienced this? How did you handle this?

Before y’all start jumping down my throat I am absolutely getting a divorce and I will do everything in my power to get full custody. I did take my children to our family doctor and they are in good health and there are no other signs of ab*se. I’ve filled a report with the police and my lawyer is dealing with it. I’m also about to start the process of divorce.

The internet had a lot to say in response to the update.

ALittleBitBeefy wrote:

GOOD JOB!!!!! You’re doing great. Your babies deserve your protection from that ab*sive POS. Save everything and don’t let him around them unsupervised EVER again, but even that is generous. You’re doing excellent.

OP responded:

I’m doing everything I can to protect them! This all happened a few days ago but I am in the process of getting a temporary restraining order.

My lawyer is handling it and I understand it takes some time to actually get one and in the meantime I’ve been advised that I can just deny him visitation until he gets a judgment from the courts that forces me to grant him access to my babies but that takes time. So in the meantime he can’t force me or my babies to see him.

I’ve recorded every call and saved ever text. Literally documenting everything. Thankfully he’s saying and texting a goldmine of incriminating things that I hope would be sufficient information for a judge to give me and my babies a restraining/protective order and for family court to grant me primary and sole custody.

ButterflyWings71 wrote:

I worked as a pediatric nurse for years and way too many times, the mom does nothing or makes excuses until the poor child is killed. Sending OP and her babies and prayers in this difficult time and please update us if she wishes. If not already, get security cameras that record just in case he tries to come back home.

Spicy_Burrito77 wrote:

Did you tell him you seen him pinch the babies?

OP responded:

Yes. He at first told me I was imagining things. Then switched to saying he was just frustrated our son wouldn’t go to sleep. Then he started saying that he was angry that our son was interrupting our “personal time” and that he was doing it on purpose because the other babies were asleep so why wasn’t he? Honestly nothing he says makes sense to me.

Like my baby boy was just laying there sleepy and he would’ve fallen back to sleep by himself that bastard actually woke him up with his pinching and insults. He says he went in their room to check up on them and I call bulls**t on that he went in there to torment my children. Who in their right mind whispers d*ath to two sleeping babies and a another half asleep baby?!

Spicy_Burrtio77 responded:

Did he tell you this over the phone or in text? That alone should help speed up the restraining order if you have it recorded or in a text.

OP responded:

This was on a call which I’ve recorded!

PatheticPelosiPander wrote:

My ex turned into mega-dick when our baby came. He'd get made at the cost of diapers & formula; when baby was older and eating solid food, ex got mad when I bought fruit or vegetables. So much more. He hit our son and left a bruise, so we left the house and marriage.

OP responded:

Oh my god this! Everyday he was moaning and grumbling about the cost of diapers,baby wipes etc!

I’m so sorry you experienced a similar situation. I hope you and your son are happy and safe!

PatheticPelosiPander responded:

Thank you. We're both well these +20 years later. Follow your gut, momma. It'll never let you down. Very best of luck!

SpyderB3tes wrote:

Good on you. He would have made all of your lives miserable for as long as he was in it.

How vile do you have to be to hurt an infant.

I hope your anger towards him never subsides. Only because this is the only time you saw ab#se. If your baby didn't cry, then it's clear he has been ab#sing those babies often. Let me say that again. He conditioned those babies to not cry because he was ab*sing those babies OFTEN!

OP responded:

My rage will never subside. I refuse to let it die. You are absolutely right! He conditioned my babies to just accept his ab*se as if it’s part of life! No wonder my babies cried whenever he was around. They must’ve been so anxious and scared of being left alone with him. Just thinking of them being so scared brings me to uncontrollable tears.

109566 wrote:

Upgrade that monitor to one which records. Same for entrances into the home.

OP responded:

I’ve set the monitor up to record now! I’ve also ordered a home security system and will be installing it real soon!

Top_Put1541 wrote:

"He has since been blowing up my phone begging for forgiveness, talking about how he’s been depressed and stressed by the babies, and that his anxiety got the best of him."

He just wants more and better access to his v**tims. This is someone who gets off on hurting children. Actual human beings who are stressed and depressed do not sneak around ab*s**g children for their dopamine hits.

OP responded:

Exactly! I’m tired, stressed, depressed and I’m physically still not fully healed from the pregnancy and the cesarean birth but not once have I thought of hurting anyone let alone a baby! I don’t buy his bulls**t excuses.

He clearly knew what he was doing was wrong otherwise he wouldn’t have been sneaking around and being all hush hush. I do not believe him for one second. He’s a goddamn beastly man.

Moopig48 wrote:

And they are smart babies, they didn’t cry when he snuck in alone and he ab*sed them, but when their hero mom was in the room they did everything they could to tell her. They sounded an alarm and Mom was paying attention.

OP responded:

This has me weeping terribly!

Three weeks later, OP shared another update.

How did it go so wrong? For my (36f) birthday he (42m) broke into the house?

Every conversation with him (42m) feels like I’m (36f) losing my mind. The only thing that has kept me semi-sane and able to track what he has been doing is my audio journal and my posts on here.

Last week it was my thirty sixth birthday. Actually I had forgotten it was my birthday and was reminded by my sister that it was in fact my birthday. I decided I couldn’t mope around the house and I got my kids dressed to go shopping and get groceries.

We got back and I put away half of the groceries but my babies were fussy and so to tire them out and ready them for bed we went for a walk. When I got back home he was in the kitchen cooking and putting away some of the groceries I had left out. He greeted me and acted normal. I didn’t react because his entire demeanour was freaking me out so I played along. I went upstairs and got the kids down.

I did think of walking out the front door but he was kind of anticipating it and so he was following me around and I thought in the moment that the best thing I could do was to get my kids upstairs and away from him. He said he wanted to talk and clear the air because this has “gone on too long." We had a long conversation and it started out reasonable but eventually spiralled out of control.

We got into physical c*nfrontation because I refused to let him stay. He tried to physically intimidate me and he, well hurt me. While he was hurting me I was still able to contact the p#lice. It took them a excruciatingly long 20/25 minutes to get there. So here I am sitting with two completely black and blue eyes, a busted lip, swollen face, massive knots on my head and bruises all over.

I don’t know what happened to my life or how I got here but here I am. I can’t even look my neighbors in the eyes. I can’t go outside without seeing the shocked faces of people. I have never felt so ashamed, so humiliated, so hurt and so utterly stupid. I thought I made all the right choices in life.

What did I do wrong? When did it all get so f#$ked? I mean I think I did everything right? Like I created a stable life for myself then picked a man that at time was a very loving partner, I married that man and waited five years before even going through the process of having children with him and now once I’ve had his children he’s just b#$ting on me and our babies?

Edit: My sister is now aware of what’s been happening and she is supporting me as best as she can. I have plans to move out but since I’m not working right now I need some time to save up. His family is also aware.

His family refused to believe that I saw him hurt our child but they can’t deny this attack now that they’ve seen my bruises. Also yes he was arr*sted and he was b*iled out by his brother. He’s currently staying with his brother.

The internet had OP's back.

DisneyBuckeye responded:

I remember you, he's the husband that was pinching your baby son. Please contact your attorney and give them an update and ask for advice on how to handle this. This will certainly help with the restraining order if you don't already have one. And obviously, press charges on everything you possibly can. I saw your comment that you've already changed the locks and got cameras.

Get a monitored security system and have it armed at all times - even when you're home. It'll be a pain in the a$$, you'll have to arm and disarm it constantly, but it'll help. The alarm company will also give you a "duress code", that you can punch in when you disarm it so that the siren turns off, but notifies them to contact the police without it being obvious.

I am so sorry you're dealing with this. You did NOTHING wrong. You did what you were supposed to. Psychopaths are good at hiding who they are. This is NOT your fault.

And when you see your neighbors, tell them "My soon-to-be-ex-husband did this to me. I'm working on a restraining order, and he's not allowed to be around me or my children. Please tell me if you see him so I can contact the p*lice." You hold your head up high and continue to be the amazing and strong woman that you are. 💗

OP responded:

Thank you for this! Especially on what to say to my neighbors.

Vivian-1963 wrote:

The neighbors aren’t judging her. They see what’s going on and this is a perfect response.

WhatHappenedMonday wrote:

Inform your family and friends. Get that restraining order. Change the locks on your doors. Call The National D*mestic Violence Hotline (800) 799-7233 for further resources. You are not alone. Please do not blame yourself. Make sure you and the kids are safe even if you have to leave home for a while. You can do everything "right" but have the other person screw it all up anyway. Good luck.

OP responded:

I’m in contact with a DV organization that my lawyer has put me in contact with. I did have a locksmith come out and I have new locks. I also have a couple of safety locks for my windows, and security cameras around the house and I changed our security code but honestly he doesn’t give a s**t. He despite it all, broke in and beat the living s**t out of me.

cdurbin3 wrote:

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Did the break the restraining order or has it not gone through yet?

OP responded:

I am in the process of getting one.

Two weeks later, OP shared another update.

Title: It was all for the love of another woman? Who barely knew of his existence? He (42m) hurt my (36f) children to further his own selfish desires

I say all of this without exaggeration. I am certain he was getting ready to k**l us. After nearly 8 months of turmoil I’m finally close to understanding.

My soon to be ex husband is in love with a woman he came across on social media and he has been obsessing over her for at least a year. She also happens to be a s#x worker and he was paying her for her time and attention. In his mind he believed they could have a future together if only he could get rid of my children and me.

Even though this woman gave him no inkling that she even wanted to be with him. He has spent so much of our money on this woman. I am at a loss for words that could accurately describe the situation. I can barely believe half of the things he’s been up to. I’ve spent the past few weeks playing detective and I finally decided to contact “Jessica”. This is obviously not her name but I need to call her something.

I contacted Jessica and at first she was very reluctant to speak to me but I literally begged her to and she was kind enough to get on the phone with me. She told me that she had been seeing him for awhile but she stopped seeing him because he started to scare her. He was sending her unhinged messages and voicemails. He had been stalking her and trying to convince her to be with him.

Jessica eventually stopped seeing him and had him blocked and I guess this is when he started to escalate from emotional ab#se to physically ab#sing my children and myself. He was looking for a way out and in his crazy mind, k**ling us would free him because the only reason Jessica wouldn’t be with him was because me and my children were in the way.

During our long call I also explained to Jessica what had been happening to me and she was genuinely kind and helpful. She also agreed to speak to my lawyer and to send them the thousands of unhinged texts, voicemails and voice notes he sent her.

For a little while after our conversation a part of me genuinely hated Jessica and wanted to blame her for everything but the rational part of me pushed out those unreasonable and dangerous thoughts especially after I read his disturbing texts and heard his voicemail/notes to Jessica.

She has also been v*ctimized by him.

Honestly there is nothing like listening to your husband and father of your children talk about how you and your children mean nothing to him and how he wishes you were d**d.

He could’ve just asked for a divorce or just got up and left. I sent him a few texts asking him why? (this was a one time thing and since then I’ve stopped all contact) Why do all of this? Why t*rment my babies? Why not just walk away? He responded with a message saying any conversation between us should be through our lawyers.

His parents have him lawyered up. They know what he’s been up to and they’ve chosen to protect him. His father came to see me and in a not so direct way suggested he could pay me if I stopped talking about what his son has done and was planning on doing.

Ever since he broke into the house and pretty much tried to k**l me I’ve told anyone who’d listen what he has done. At this point even his colleagues know.

The internet continued to offer support.

eeyorex wrote:

You need to get immediate custody of the kids. Also put cameras in every room and outside. Also a restraining order. But honestly even all that won’t protect you from a crazy person. You need to be physically able to protect yourself and your kids. Or maybe get a couple guard dogs. I pray that things work out for you and he is locked away.

OP responded:

I have emergency custody of my kids and a protective order. I’m in the process of getting two trained guard dogs haven’t gotten very far though and I have a security system. I’m also seriously considering a g*n. More than seriously actually I’ve applied for a permit. Of course I do plan on taking lessons in g*n safety and training.

Huntress145 wrote:

Please tell me you went to c#ps and got him arrested and filed for a restraining order? ETA. And filed for emergency custody of your kids.

OP responded:

The p#lice are aware. He was arrested when he broke into the house and attacked me. I have also filed for a protective order and for emergency custody of the children which I’ve been granted.

rosebud-2911 wrote:

OP I hope you got the p*lice involved?

Any communication with the FIL - record it and share with your lawyer. Shame on your ILs for trying to brush this under the carpet. These are their own grandchildren he tried to harm.

OP responded:

Oh they really are b*stards and refuse to believe their precious son could ever do the things he’s done despite the fact that I installed security cameras after I caught him ab#sing my babies and despite the fact that my neighbors have signed witness statements attesting to the fact that they saw him break into my house and attack me.

They’ve seen the p*lice report. They’ve seen the pictures of my b*ttered face and br**sed body. They are feigning ignorance but they know, and I know they know.

cavoodle11 wrote:

What was he like before he latched on to this woman? Was he showing signs of being unhinged?

OP responded:

We’ve been married for nearly 8 years. Will actually be 8 years in 2 months. We never had any issues. Sure we had minor squabbles but that was few and far in between. Never did I have any issues that would lead me to think that he’d try to hurt us let alone k**l us.

It was during my pregnancy and birth that he became verbally and emotionally ab#sive, this is also the time period he met Jessica and started fantasizing about running away with her. He was angry and jealous that my attention was more on the pregnancy and the babies and this built resentment towards me and my children.

It also pushed him more into his obsession with Jessica and when he was also rejected by her, he spiraled into this insane mindset. At the same time he escalated into verbally and physically ab#sing our infant children and when I found out he hurt my children, I attacked him.

I caught him hurting my son and we physically fought and my neighbors called the p*lice and he was escorted out of the house. Then he came back and broke into the house, he att**ked me and b**t me into a bl**dy mess. He was arrested for this. I’ve since attained a lawyer and I’ve been granted emergency custody and a protective order.

sassaphras-680 wrote:

Honey I'm so sorry this is happening to you. But you should only have your lawyers speak to each other. And you probably should stop telling people until after the divorce is finalized. I just don't want him to have any ammunition against you so the judge doesn't question giving you everything and he only gets inpatient therapy at best. I do feel for you and want you and your kids to be safe.

OP responded:

Actually me telling people has been the best thing I’ve done so far. It’s what has kept me safe. My neighbors now look out for his car and call the p*lice if they see he’s anywhere near the house.

Over two weeks later, OP shared another update.

Title: My (36f) husband (42m) has been arrested for stalking and attempting to abd#ct his former “mistress."

Last week Thursday at approximately 2:00 AM in the morning, my (36F) husband (42m) of nearly 8 years was arrested outside of Jessica's house, (the s#x worker he met online and used to pay to spend time with him until he started to creep her out by his stalking and obsession.) When he was arrested, they found in his truck small baggies with d##g residue and they also found tools of abd#ction.

I honestly do not know what these are exactly. My soon to be ex-FIL called me at around 4:45/4:50 AM to tell me that his son was arr*sted. My FIL was the one who used the term tools of abd*ction. When I asked him what the hell that means, he said he didn't have time for my interrogation tactics. He then asked if I could help them find a lawyer for him and to stand by his son throughout all of this.

When I said to him "how the hell am I supposed to find a lawyer this early in the morning," he lost his s**t and then was just screaming. My soon to be ex-MIL took over the phone, telling me that I'm a b, and that all this is my fault. I hung up before she could say anymore. I never knew this man to take d##gs. Sure, he drank occasionally, but hard d##gs?

I honestly don't know what's happening anymore or how I got here. I mean it does make sense he was on c*c*ine the past 7/8 months now that I look back at things. I mean, I don't even know anything about d##gs to be able to recognize the behavior pattern, but once I researched it, it seemed clear.

The moodiness, the disappearances, the lies, the anger, the sudden outburst and the violence- it all points to d##g usage, as well as him being an ab#sive piece of s**t. His parents and the rest of his family had called and texted me so much ab#sive s##t and they occasionally switched to begging me to go see him or pick up his calls, but I've mainly ignored them.

I don't have the time, the energy or the love that is needed to be there for this man and his parents. I've given him eight years of my love and affection, and he spat it back into my face during the hardest and most vulnerable time of my life Also, why would they think I'd help him after everything he's done?

Especially since I think he deserves to be in jail for not only h*rting my children, but also for h*rting myself and Jessica. I hope and pray he's jailed for the rest of his natural life. I mean I've tried being a good wife, but he has attacked my children. He has attacked me. He has lied and tormented us, and I'm supposed to help him? I don't even know how I got here. How did we get here?

I've packed everything up and I'm leaving. I'm disappearing with my kids, and anything else between me and these people can be handled through my lawyer. The only person who knows where I'm moving to is my lawyer and my sister. I mean what else can I do to protect my children? His entire family blames me.

And how do I keep my head high when I'm now being treated like I'm an evil and disgusting person by pretty much everyone I once called a family? These people are trying to destroy me inside and out, and I don't know how to survive them. How am I supposed to rebuild my life when they won't stop tormenting me? In less than a year of their birth, I've managed to fail my children...

TL;DR: My soon to be ex-husband was arrested while stalking his former m*stress/s#x worker and during his arrest they found dr#g residue and tools for abd#ction.

People offered OP a lot of support.

landibelieveinRASTA wrote:

Take the kids and don’t ever look back.

OP responded:

That’s the plan!

Calypsogold90 wrote:

Go, run, run as far and fast as you can. Your ex was most likely going to m*rder her. Let that sink in. F#$k his family, you have enough ammo with him getting arr*sted to get away from him.

awkward_enby wrote:

Listen to me very closely...you did NOT fail your children. Their father and his family failed them. The best thing you can do now is get out safely and it seems like you're in the process of that now. I hope the best for you and your kids. May you get out safely and may you be free of that ab#sive POS and his ab#sive family.

Shivroystan wrote:

Oh wow! From your post history it seems like you both had a stable life and planned and tried hard to start a family. I’m so sorry to you and your kids.

I too was in a relationship and he just switched in a span of 3 days. I blamed myself so much because it clearly must’ve been something I did…in the end, I figured out that an AH is an AH, it was just my turn. You need to protect your babies and yourself. A healthy and happy mom = happy and healthy babies. Wishing you the very best!

OP responded:

Oh my god thank you so much for this because everything was so normal and fine until the end of my pregnancy and it escalated after the birth of my kids. It was like a switch was flipped. Suddenly he’s lying, screaming, irritable, aggressive, critical, controlling and just being overly secretive. I’m glad you escaped!

Ok_Bet2898 wrote:

His parents are calling you those names? What have you done? Absolutely nothing to deserve that, no wonder their son is like how is with parents like that! Don’t even talk to them, he’s going to jail and you can get away from all of them, this is your chance!

Affectionate_Bar8887 wrote:

I'm so sorry you're going through this. As much as what I'm about to say sucks: what has your lawyer said about you disappearing? In some places, that can cost you a lot in the divorce/custody arena. Unfortunately, despite the nature of the cr*mes described, some courts would order you to take the kiddos to visit their father during inc*rceration.

Secondly, if by some miracle you can disappear, ask your attorney about how to change names and things like SSNs for yourself and kiddos. Otherwise, you're easily trackable. Thirdly, I'd ask lawyer about my getting a new phone and number and just giving him possession of the old one to gather evidence from the texts and voicemails.

I'd also be snooping on all devices, through all paperwork and digging out hiding places in the home gathering evidence while I'm able to. Fourthly, "tools of abduction" is a catch-all term that can be used to describe a collection of items found together...many if which wouldn't be concerning on their own in other circumstances.

Things like duct tape or rope, gloves, mask. It can also include things like a weapon or a substance to knock out a potential victim. It's not something to take lightly, at all. Fifthly, and most importantly, this isn't your failure. It isn't your fault. This lies solely and completely on his shoulders. The important thing is to do everything you can to protect yourself and your children.

OP responded:

I currently have emergency custody. My lawyer is the one who suggested to disappear (meaning moving to new house and not letting anyone know) because she says this is a time of great danger and I heartily agree.

Since my ex-husband first went to look for me at the house but me and my children went to stay somewhere else for a few days because I was scared he’d come back after he broke into the house previously and attacked me. Thanks for explaining what “tools of abduction” is! And thank you for the information I will keep it in mind!

branigan_aurora wrote:

I was married for 8 years when I found out my ex was living a full double life. It ruined me for a long long time. I wish you nothing but peace and safety. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Believe nothing he says, even in your future interactions. Sociopaths lie about everything.

OP responded:

I’ve stopped believing everything he says. He just lies so much and even over the most nonsensical and unnecessary things!

Sources: Reddit
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