'AITA for being upset that my husband lied about me to his family to protect himself?'
"AITA for being upset that my husband lied about me to his family to protect himself?"
ThrowRa_Fallishere writes:
My husband (35M) recently lied to his sister in a way that made me look bad just so he could avoid taking responsibility himself, and I am really struggling with how to feel about it.
We moved to a new place not long ago and left some furniture behind because it did not fit in the new house. We planned to either sell it to the buyers of our old home or post it online. One day his sister messaged asking if we were leaving any furniture.
She said there was a piece she really liked and asked if she could have it. My husband did not give her a clear answer but basically said no. She replied that she thought we were just leaving the furniture there. After that, his other sister and their mom started pressuring him to give her the piece.
He complained to me for days about how annoying it was and said he wanted to sell the furniture because we had paid a lot for it and it was still in great condition. We agreed to post it for sale, so I listed it online.
A couple of days later, his sister saw the listing and called him out. Instead of explaining the situation honestly, he told her that I posted it and that I was not aware of their earlier conversation. She pushed back and said I definitely knew what was going on. He did not defend me or clear it up.
Instead, he just told her, “I want you to have the furniture.” I only found out later when his mom, in a passive-aggressive tone, said something like, “So you tried to sell the furniture.” I told her it was a joint decision. She brushed it off and gave me an “aha” kind of response.
I asked my husband if he had told them I did it behind his back. He said no. But I had a gut feeling, so I checked the messages between him and his sister. Sure enough, he had blamed the whole thing on me.
I confronted him and was really upset. I raised my voice, and he immediately got mad at me for going through his phone. Then he said, “My family already doesn’t like you, so what’s the big deal?” That shocked me.
No one had ever told me his family had an issue with me. Now I wonder if they have been blaming me for his distance. They constantly complain that he does not visit enough, does not buy gifts for the kids, and so on. It feels like nothing he does is ever enough for them.
When I told him I was hurt by his lie, he said I was a narcissist for caring about how I looked to his family. That really threw me off, and now I am questioning myself. So am I wrong for being upset that he lied about me? Is it narcissistic to care about how I am being perceived when I was not the one who caused the issue?
Here are some of the comments from the post.
FreshCheeseLuck says:
NTA. Maybe they don't like you because he's been LYING to them about you.
Savings_Telephone_96 says:
NTA. I suspect this isn’t the first time your husband has blamed you to his family for his own choices. You have a husband problem. If he didn’t take 100% accountability with you and his family present, I’d be filing for divorce.
1RainbowUnicorn says:
NTA. Your husband couldn't be more if an AH. He is trying to make his family hate you more. Why? This is manipulative. Why is he trying to isolate you from his family? This is not ok. Get in marriage counseling. If he can't come clean to his family and gave your back in this relationship, it will never work.
Full_Pace7666 says:
If the intent was to sell it, why not offer to sell it to his sister? Also it was inevitable that she would notice the listing so all in all probably could have thought that through a little better, but oh well. NTA as your husband basically threw you under the bus. And this maybe isn’t the first time he’s done something like this.