'AITA for how I reacted when I found out my husband used some of my son's treatment money to buy a Christmas present for my stepson?'
"AITA for how I reacted when I found out my husband used some of my son's treatment money to buy a Christmas present for my stepson?"
It's a long story but I'll try my best to make it short. So my son Jamie (16) is having medical issues. Has been for few months now. Without revealing much information because of privacy, the treatment involves monthly payment.
I have a good paying job. Not high. But good enough. And I been using the money to pay for the treatment. My husband did not contribute to it but he's been handling everything else like groceries and bills.
I have a 18 year old stepson Louis. He's the type that likes expensive gifts and his father has always gotten him something big on birthdays and Holidays. For his birthday, he got him a new car. For Christmas he wanted a motorbike. You know those expensive ones.
He told his dad about it at the beginning of 2025 so he could save money to buy it. My usband was DETERMINED to get it. especially since Louis was going to leave for college. I was not concerned because it didn't affect our budget.
However, when Jamie got sick, things changed. My husband said he couldn't save up money anymore since he had to pay for everything now while I handle treatment payment. For context, we have a shared account.
He was complaining about not being able to get Louis the gift he wanted for Christmas, and was low key blaming me but I brushed it off. I was focused on my son and didn't need drama.
I was surprised to find out that he did manage to buy Louis the motorbike. I asked where he got the money and he said he borrowed it from his friends. I believed him. I then checked the account and found 2k were withdrawn. I knew. I just knew.
I confronted him and went absolutely off on him. Called him few choice words that I'm not too proud to mention on here. I told him he should be ashamed of himself for what he did. Especially since Jamie needs the money for treatment.
He defended himself saying he's been helping a lot and being taking care of everything, so he was as much affected by Jamie's illness as me. He also said that he was saving up money but had to spend it on extra stuff after I stopped contributing. I yelled at him, called him selfish and told him to leave.
He tried to call Louis and was able to spin it into a "your stepmom was angry cause I got you the motorbike" basically driving a wedge between me and Louis. I haven't talked to Louis since then.
He's clearly mad at me. His father has been staying in a rental for days now. I feel completely devastated. I don't know if I handled this properly. He keeps talking about how much he sacrificed and how I been treating like crap.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
The step has a car but needs a motorbike, think he's a spoiled brat.
Throwraww355645 (OP)
You're absolutely right. But I didn't wanna mention this because my husband would've twisted it and said that I don't want Louis to get a nice gift. It's exhausting how he keeps making assumptions about every single thing.
A car and the motor bikes are not nice gifts. That is over the top gifts that are ridiculous.
At a minimum, separate your finances. Your son’s medical treatment must be the priority. If I were you, I’d consider divorce +/- pressing charges for theft. What an absolutely immoral thing for him to do, and for his awful son to agree with him? Why tie yourself to people who’d value a pointless gift over your son’s health?
Throwraww355645 (OP)
I wanted to do that initially but he strongly opposed it. He kept talking about how seperating finances is the first step towards "actual separation".
NTA and I've got one word for you. DIVORCE. He lied to you. he stole from you. he took from your sick child. For a damn motorbike???? Since when does a motorbike mean more than someone's treatment, what else is he or has he stolen and lied about? AND to treat you like you're an idiot who wouldn't notice $2k missing?
I’m going to be honest because people on Reddit live in a fantasy world. Don’t leave him. You literally can’t support yourself or treat your son’s treatment without him. You literally pay nothing, no rent no bills. Get through your son’s illness first. NTA.
NTA to soft ESH. Because it’s not true your hb did not contribute to treatment costs, he absolutely did by covering all other living costs enabling you to afford treatment.
The lying and the just taking 2k he knew was for treatment tho…that is an unforgivable betrayal. When the kid already got A CAR?!? Like, Christmas wishes aren’t orders, even my 9yo knows this. If you don’t have the money you don’t spend it.
Your Hb could’ve been upfront and honest from the start then, and said ”No, I don’t feel comfortable covering all of our living costs alone for you to afford treatment for your son (To me it’s more important that my son gets s second vehicle)”.
That would’ve saved you time OP, and heartache, and maybe allowed you to come up with an alternative plan re treatment. Seems like you two haven’t communicated very well, your hb about feeling like it’s too much he’s giving up and you re checking in and appreciating your hb.
ESH. The key point here is that your son isn't his kid. You've dedicated all your money to your son's treatment, and by extension monopolized all of your husband's money as well. He was wrong to take from the treatment account, but you were wrong for monopolizing all his income and even savings.