Husband claims wife has ‘more time’ to handle chores despite her full-time job; 'he wants a housewife but got me instead.' AITA?
"My husband wants a housewife but got me instead."
Sumbuddysmom
AITA? I (30 female) am a work from home mom with two children, male 9 and female 1. We also have 3 dogs. I recently got married to my husband (34 male). My youngest is ours and my son is from a different relationship.
Recently we built our house and I walk our dogs on leashes multiple times a day because we haven’t had a fence installed yet. I also take care of our one year old while I work. My son is also in 2 sports and it keeps us pretty busy.
Yesterday my husband mentioned that l needed clean our dogs ears. So I said, why can’t you do it? He said, “I’m going to say this once and I mean it. YOU ARE HOME ALL DAY”.
I should mention that this is his dog that he got before me and I do all of the other chores for all three of our dogs (groomers, vet, feed and take them out even when he is home)I was angry and he walked away.
Well this morning I was still angry and he asked if I was still pissed? “Because he didn’t say anything crazy and he thinks there is ALOT more I can do during the day.” Mind you I work a full time corporate job from home with our 1 year old.
He said I can make time for the things I “want to do” instead of the things he needs. I also should mention that I do all of the cleaning, cooking, shopping and running my son to sports and his dad.
The only thing he takes responsibility for is pulling weeds out of the yard (we have a lawn company who mows). He is supposed to take the trash to the curb and has forgot so many times. I also pack his lunches and do all of his laundry.
I am at my wits end and so stressed out. He can tell I’m frustrated with his lack of help and this has just sent me over the edge, AITA? Edit: since it has come up in the comments, we need me to work. I make majority of our income.
Edit again: Since everyone is coming at me for this being “rage bait” or a fake profile. Yes I created a profile this morning and no I’ve never gone to the internet before, thanks to TikTok and the podcasts that read these posts, I decided to come here. The internet is a crazy place. I never thought I would have to defend myself on being real.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
lorainnesmith
I'm not sure how you take care of a one year old and work full time. You should let your husband know may companies offering WFH have a child care clause, where you must have child care during your working hours so you are able to concentrate on work. Let alone all the other things he wants you to do during your work day.
TequilaMockingbird80
My company has this clause for small children under school age, which OP’s would fall under. They have it because otherwise the person is trying to do 1.5 or 2 jobs at the same time depending on the kids level of needs. NTA OP, perhaps you should show what you get done in the day by simply not doing it.
Tattycakes
I keep getting distracted from wfh by my cat, I can’t imagine how disruptive a baby would be.
Zolazo7696
My cat is highly vocal, tons of personality, headbutts for scratches, AND is highly intelligent. He can open just about anything. He has thumbs. KNOWS WHEN YOURE IGNORING HIM.
He does not know the meaning of giving up or losing the battle. Ignore him, he will get as close as possible to your face AND MEOW RIGHT IN IT. If that doesn't work and anger you enough. HE STARTS SMACKING YOU IN THE FACE.
I love my furry little sack of doodoo to the ends of this earth. I would John Wick for my cat. But I'm about at my wits end. We need a bit of a break from one another. It's turning into a toxic and controlling relationship, more so than they are typically with cats. 😢
Say_What_456
I have WFH for 17yrs, it wasn't until COVID when my husband was WFH/home that he realized WFH is real. Even more so because you never leave the "office." Sit him down and tell him his free ride is over. Right now, you are a single mom to 3 kids.
If he can't pull his weight, then take that number down to two. EDIT To be clear, my husband wasn't a jerk like this guy. He just never understood the dynamics of WFH until he had to do it himself. He even thought he would have an easier time before it sunk in. It was just as busy as the office, if not more so.
Okayest_ever
YES! What is the point of being married to this guy?? He’s a lazy misogynist.
Affectionate-Swan386
NTA. You need to stop. Stop cooking for him, stop making him his lunch, stop doing his laundry, stop taking care of his dog. If he isn't going to treat your marriage like a partnership, just stop. You aren't married just to cater to him. He can pull up his big boy panties and help with the adult responsibilities. You work too, not just him.
cookiepogo
NTA Just because you work from home it doesn't mean that you aren't WORKING. That was a shitty thing to say. Create a chore list of all the things that you do and the things that he does. Give it to him and ask him how is fair that you work full time and do all of these. What is he offering in the household?
Explain to him that you don't want and won't live like this. It's time for him to take responsibility and be an equal partner. Be firm and don't back down. If this doesn't work stop doing anything for him and only take care of yourself, your kids and your pets. Let him see if he likes it then!