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Woman gets mad at husband for going to lunch without her the day before her C-section, asks 'is that weird?' UPDATE

Woman gets mad at husband for going to lunch without her the day before her C-section, asks 'is that weird?' UPDATE

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My husband didn't invite me to lunch because I'm having a C-section the next day!

Update below the comments.

babybright1992 writes:

I (31F) am 9 months pregnant with our first child and am booked in for a Caesarian tomorrow at 7:30 am. My husband (38M) is on his second day of parental leave; he will be off work for a month.

We had told family we would be hanging out at home together all day today, getting the last few things organized for the hospital tomorrow. It was my understanding that we would be spending the day together, essentially pottering around the house and spending time together.

This morning his mom suggested she come over for coffee to see us before the baby arrives. He said again we would just be home today so that would be fine and to come over whenever she liked.

When it got to 11 AM and she hadn’t arrived yet, he then said he was annoyed because he was going to be late for a pub lunch with his friend. I was surprised to hear he had made lunch plans and said to him, ‘You’re going for lunch? What about me?’.

He said he didn’t think I’d want to come and it wasn’t a big deal. I felt disappointed as he has a habit of not considering or inviting me when making plans during our time off together (which has mostly been our weekends up until now).

His mom came for her visit, which was enjoyable and uneventful. His lunch was brought up (by him), and his mom agreed with me that it was a bit strange he had organized to do something without me today. He said again he didn’t think it would matter and it’s his last day before becoming a father as well.

After she left, he asked if I wanted to come for lunch. By this point, I’d decided I didn’t want to because I felt like a third wheel and unwanted, so I said no. I was setting up the baby monitor when he came in to tell me I should cut him some slack because he is going to be looking after me and the baby for the next month (which is an exaggeration but, fine), so he should be able to go out for an hour if he wants.

He also wanted me to tell him he wasn’t going to “have to hear about this again”, meaning I understood it was fine and wouldn’t bring it up again. This caused an argument as I wouldn’t say it wouldn’t get mentioned again, and I ended up telling him that I felt disappointed when he had made plans without me and I felt unimportant.

He got angry, I cried, he left for lunch, and I don’t know whether I’m in the wrong or not. It’s not really about him going out with his friend; usually it 100% wouldn’t matter at all, but as it’s our last day together before our baby arrives, I would just like to have been factored in to the decision-making and not be told as an aside after plans are already made. AITA?

Here are the top comments:

Kitastrophe8503 says:

NTA (Not the A^#&ole). I was leaning toward NAH (No A^#&ole Here) - he didn't even think these plans woild be something you would care at all about. He was wrong, but that's not an ah thing.

No, no... What bothers me is that he cannot accept that you can feel some type of way about this thing. He doesnt just want to accept there was a disagreement he insists that he has to win so completely, beat you down so much that you say that you were wrong and he was right and he will never hear another word about it.

Thats f^#&ed up. Remember that abusive people often start being abusive when the first baby comes and their victim is stuck. If its his way or no way, if he can't leave you room to feel how you feel about something, hes not treating you like a human. Maybe he's just stressed and acting a little crazy, but keep an eye on this and be ready to get out.

criticalvibecheck says:

"He is going to be looking after me and the baby for the next month." He’s going to be looking after you and the baby for a lot longer than that, you’re having major abdominal surgery and the baby is, well, a baby. He just has a month where he can do it without also having to go to work.

NTA. It’s your last day together before you become parents, your whole lives are about to change, I couldn’t fathom wanting to make any plans with or see anybody except my partner at that time.

I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, so I will also say that both of your emotions are probably running very high right now, and maybe he thought lunch with a friend without thinking about the baby would be a welcome distraction from pre-baby anxiety. But he absolutely should’ve told you ahead of time at minimum.

flowerpetalizard says:

Here’s the thing. Paternity leave is all about YOU AND BABY. It’s not about him. It’s not a vacation or free time. And choosing to start that leave before you had the baby didn’t mean that it suddenly became free time, it’s still ALL ABOUT YOU AND BABY. NTA.

u-patrcat says:

How are you surprised that he did not consider you? Based on this comment alone “I felt disappointed as he has a habit of not considering or inviting me when making plans during our time off together (which has mostly been our weekends up until now).”

He has shown you what type of person he is so believe him. You are not his priority when it comes to his free time. It’s time you set clear boundaries and expectations around your time now that there will be a baby involved.

Don’t get me wrong we all need time to ourselves without our partners. When I was married we each had a day to ourselves to do as we wished without the other person each month. Both of you need to work on your communication or this issue will snowball. Congratulations on your baby.

OP provided an update:

We are both feeling a lot with everything going on tomorrow, and emotions and tensions were definitely running high. He wasn’t being his best self in the moment, and I’ve definitely had my moments of being hormonal and erupting recently.

So, while I agree I’m NTA in this instance, I’ll accept there has been some increased sensitivity and insecurity on my part that added weight to the situation. Husband apologized not long after I posted, returned home, and is currently hanging some shelves in the nursery.

What do you think? Was OP right to get upset?

Sources: Reddit
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