'AITA for correcting my in-laws pronunciation of my name constantly for five years?'
"AITA for correcting my in-laws when they mispronounce my name?"
LilLustyLucy writes:
I (27F) have a name that isn’t super common in the U.S., but it’s not hard to pronounce. Think something like “Leena,” but my in-laws keep saying “Lana.” It’s a small difference, but it makes my name sound completely different. I’ve been with my husband (30M) for five years, married for two, and his parents have never gotten it right.
At first, I thought they just needed time to adjust. They’re in their 60s, and I get that learning a new name might take a second. But we see them often, and I’ve corrected them so many times. My husband says I should let it go because “it’s not intentional,” but at what point does it stop being accidental and start being just… dismissive?
It’s not like they struggle with pronunciation in general. They can say names like “Giovanni” or “Schwarzenegger” just fine. My husband’s mom even talks about how much she loves learning about different cultures, but when it comes to my name, she always shrugs it off with, “Well, you know who I mean!”
The last straw was at a family dinner last weekend. His mom was introducing me to her friend and said, “This is our daughter-in-law, Lana.” I laughed a little and said, “Almost! It’s Leena.” She sighed and said, “Oh, you’re so particular,” in front of everyone. It was embarrassing. I just smiled and let it go, but later, I told my husband I didn’t think it was fair. He got defensive and said I was making his mom feel bad over something “so small.”
I honestly don’t think I’m being unreasonable. I’m not asking them to learn a new language—just my actual name. But now I feel like I’m being that person—overly sensitive and nitpicking. My best friend says I should just answer to it because “older people don’t change,” but I don’t want to set the precedent that my name doesn’t matter. AITA for continuing to correct them?'
OP responded to some comments:
Traditional_Bug_2046 says:
NTA at all. What are you being particular about? That people know your actual name after five years? They're almost certainly doing it on purpose, right? Your husband sucks. How can he say you made his mom feel small by this one incident when he doesn't give a s%#t that they can't get your name right after five years. Like of course that will make you feel small!
Have you discussed this with him over the years? How is he okay with this treatment of his wife? What is he doing about it? I'm really curious if there's some sort of racial or cultural dimension at play? Five years is a long time without any underlying issues.
OP responded:
Yeah, that’s exactly what’s been bothering me. Five years is a long time to keep getting it wrong. At this point, it feels like a choice. My husband keeps brushing it off like it’s not a big deal, but I don’t think he really understands how dismissive it feels. I’ve brought it up before, but he just says they "mean well" and that I should let it go. I’m not sure how to get him to actually see the problem without it turning into a bigger fight.
pacazpac says:
GF, you’re NTA but you have a husband problem, not just an in-law problem. He should have stepped in and shut this down immediately. They are being willfully rude and disrespectful and your husband should be on your side.
OP responded:
Yeah, that’s been bothering me too. I don’t expect him to go full "defender of my honor" or anything, but a simple "Hey, it’s not that hard, just say it right" would go a long way. Instead, he acts like I’m the one making a big deal out of nothing. I'm starting to wonder if this is just a preview of future problems. He is like a mama's boy, but still, I just feel like he should have done more—especially after all we've been through.