'My in-laws don't like my name so they call me 'Florence'; AITA for ignoring them?'
"AITA for not responding to my in-laws when they get my name wrong?"
My legal name is Flora, not Florence. My parents chose just Flora when I was born, and I've always liked it. However, for most of my life, I've been Florry to most people. Even at work, my co-workers call me Florry.
I respond to either Flora or Florry, and some people prefer calling me Flora, which I'm totally fine with. But ever since I first met my in-laws two years ago, they've been weird about my name. They started by asking me a hundred times if my name was actually Florence.
Then they questioned why my parents gave me a nickname (Flora) as a legal name instead of the full name Florence. But what really bothers them is the fact that I use Florry and somewhat prefer it over Flora.
They told me they can't understand a professional woman using such a juvenile-sounding name, expecting a 6-year-old, not a 28-year-old. My husband has been wonderful about shutting them down, telling them to stop, and calling them out on being disrespectful. We have distanced ourselves from his parents due to this.
But now, whenever we see them at family functions, they call me Florence. The first time, I hoped they were talking to someone else, but it was me. My husband told me to ignore them if I wanted, and so I did.
My husband's siblings all think their parents are being ridiculous, and all of them call me Florry in an effort to annoy their parents (some used to call me Flora and Florry, but even Flora doesn't exist to them now).
We were all together for a New Year's party, and my husband's parents brought some friends. They and their friends called me childish, among other things, for refusing to answer to Florence.
My husband got so annoyed he went over to tell them they were being ridiculous when Florence isn't even my name. They told him Florence could be seen as just another nickname, and I am being unreasonable and rude.
I felt very called out, but honestly, the anger and the way they talked about me made me question if I am being a tad unreasonable and if I shouldn't just let them call me Florence. AITA?
OP responded to some comments:
Traditional-Tune-302 says:
NTA (Not the A%#hole). By the way, do these people have any names that they find annoying if they are addressed with? Cause it seems like they won’t change even so better just give them a dose of their own medicine. Pick a nickname for each of them and tell them it sounds really cute and that is what ur going to call them from now on.
OP responded:
My MIL hates the name Trudy and being called it. Her grandma was Trudy and her parents wanted to honor that grandmother but didn't want MIL to be Trudy so they went with Gertrude. But a few of her family called her Trudy as a child and MIL despises it.
She never wants to be called anything other than Gertrude. I have always respected it but it does annoy me that she won't give me the same respect. Especially when she knows I know the nane she would never want to be called.
Ghost_Of_The_Goddess says:
NTA. It's not your name, and their obsession with it is absolutely absurd. I would just not see them at all, ever again. If they can't even do you the slightest level of respect as using your actual name, then they are worthless people.
OP says:
Avoiding them entirely would mean missing out on certain family functions and I would rather we not have to do that. Instead we just do our best to stay away from them.
Blackstar1401 says:
I would get packets about dementia and have an intervention. "I'm so concerned that you cannot remember a name. Your memories are having issues, and I think you need to seek help." Every time they call you the wrong name, ask in a concerned voice, "Have you seen a doctor yet?"
And explain to everyone that they are having memory issues, and everyone should encourage them to seek medical help.
Ok-Pipe-6768 says:
NTA - If you would call your in-laws cheeseheads, as a nickname, would they like it? You don't call people by a name they don't like, that's so disrespectful. I'm happy your husband has your back.
I also know more people with the name Flora than Florence, and I prefer the origins of that name, so I don't understand why they are so stuck up about it But yeah, my legal name is always mispronounced, so I might be biased haha.
OP responded:
My ILs both go by their more formal full names over any nickname. So I think they look down on nicknames generally and they hate that my name is a nickname (in their eyes. Even though my name has been a standalone for a long time.
What do you think? Is Florence a harmless nickname?