'My jeweler husband won’t give me jewelry for gifts. AITA for getting them for myself?'
"My jeweler husband won’t give me jewelry for gifts. AITA for getting them for myself?"
My spouse and I are both jewelers. You’d think this would made gift giving easy. Wrong. For the past 5 or 6 months I’ve been asking my spouse for a very specific necklace for my bday and the holidays.
Showed him photos. Gave him the designer’s contact info. Every time he’d ask, “What do you want for your bday?” I’d say, “that one necklace."
Well, the day is almost here. Husband has zero plans made for anything and as for the necklace? He informed me he doesn’t feel it makes an “appropriate 50th bday” gift.
What!? We are literally jewelers. We make a living selling jewelry to be given as gifts. This is literally what we have done for decades. So, it’s appropriate for anyone but just not me?
That totally bizarre and bewildering statement aside, I got the necklace for myself after spouse confirmed he didn’t buy it and didn’t plan to. Now he’s miffed I got it it at all. He sneered when I told him I got it via trade (remember we’re both jewelers) and he more or less scoffed.
No congrats. No “happy you finally got it”. Just a sneer and an eye roll. And a left handed comment like, “I don’t even know why you like that necklace so much. I don’t get it.” (It’s the designer’s number one seller btw).
So, AITA for getting myself the gift I really wanted? He wasn’t going to do it. He went so far as to say it was “inappropriate” as a gift. It’s not. It’s just a gold link chain. And I really, truly did want it. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say:
Economic_Nexus said:
NTA. I can’t imagine stating over and over what I want and essentially being ignored or belittled each time. He’s made every excuse to not give it as a gift, and you finally responded correctly - by buying it yourself. It very much seems that, for whatever reason, he wasn’t going to give it to you and did not want you to have it.
Honestly though, if your descriptions of his behavior is accurate, I’d wonder what is underlying this. It’s strange behavior for a loving relationship, and it seems like something more is going on. If you want the marriage to be healthy and functional, I would think it’s necessary to address the deeper issue.
nimminox said:
NTA. There was a ring I loved and had asked for it as a Xmas present from my then BF. The design name was my own name and it had my favorite stone in it. It wasn't an engagement ring, and I had no interest in it being one, but he refused to buy it.
So I went out and bought it myself. It's still my favorite piece of jewelry and I still wear it nearly 10 years later. Best bit is that a couple of years ago, after we broke up he saw me and commented about me still wearing his ring. I just laughed and reminded him that I'd bought it for myself.
Expensive-Honey-1527 said:
NTA. When my son was 5 months old the only thing I asked for for my birthday was a lie in. I didn't get it. Husband refused to get up with the baby. He said it was a stupid birthday present. But it was what I wanted and that should have been the only thing that mattered. I've never forgiven or forgotten that and it was 9 years ago.
zanne54 said:
If a necklace is an inappropriate 50th birthday gift, then scoot on over I'll sit with you on the naughty bench, because that's also what I wanted & got. Sounds like your husband is insecure/threatened that you value another jewelers designs instead of (exclusively) his. NTA.
FugglerFan said:
NTA. My man is a farmer/handy-man. I waited 12 yrs for him to finish our kitchen remodel so I finally finished it myself. He actually got upset with me. Oh well, it’s done & I’m happy.
Kampfzwerg0 said:
Here I am thinking that people get smarter with years. They don’t. He is an idiot. NTA.
Wuellig said:
Sneering and scoffing after years of ignoring. Are you the asshole to yourself because there's more than just this nonsense going on, and you're staying with someone who doesn't like or respect you? Is there a regular pattern of such obvious contempt? NTA. You deserve more kindness.