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'My MIL doesn't let me sleep with my husband. She's always barging in on us.' UPDATED 2X

'My MIL doesn't let me sleep with my husband. She's always barging in on us.' UPDATED 2X


Having your bedroom life interfered with or interrupted is bound to cause problems.

"My MIL doesn't let me have s*x with my husband."

My husband and I got married a year ago. He and I didn't live together before, in fact we hardly saw each other because we both worked and studied at the same time, so our time was quite limited. We got married and went to live together in his apartment.

Unfortunately two months after our wedding his father passed away in an accident. My mother-in-law and my husband (who is an only child) were devastated as it was quite sudden.

My mother-in-law, left alone, began to suggest to my husband that we move with her to her house to keep her company, but because she is from another state we couldn't due to our jobs and college. Then she came to us, our apartment is 2 rooms, so my mother-in-law occupied one and my husband and I occupied another.

I mean my mother-in-law never liked me. She is one of the mothers who think "that no woman is good enough for her son." As a couple who are still "in the honeymoon stage" we slept together very frequently. Every day, even up to twice a day. This changed when my mother-in-law arrived, since the apartment is small so I didn't feel comfortable doing it with her living there.

The thing is that when we did have s*x with my husband, my mother-in-law magically "interrupted us." It didn't matter what time it was, even if it was 3 AM she casually got up and knocked on our door asking "What are we doing?" Or telling my husband that she feels bad because her head hurts or things like that.

This has been going on since my mother-in-law moved in with us, it's been a stressful 7 months. Besides, I have no privacy of any kind, she criticizes everything I do, especially my food. My husband tries to give me my place, saying things like: "it's not true mom, the food tastes good."

What really annoyed me was the fact that she started saying that several things of value and money were lost in her room casually the day I stayed at home. (I had the day off from work and study in the afternoons). I really got fed up, I told my husband that this really wasn't what I expected.

I agreed to let her move in with us because my father-in-law passed away and I was really trying to be empathetic to her and her pain, but I'm not going to let her call me a thief. Now I'm at my parents' house, my husband keeps calling me and sending me messages to come back, but I don't know what to do anymore. This is really stressful.

Commenters had a lot to say about the dynamic.

Kampfzwerg0 wrote:

Is your husband fine with that too? Does he want a s*xless marriage? Or would that for him and MIL be an excuse to have an affair or tell you it’s your fault because you are not a good wife. She accusing you of stealing would be the moment I where I would have kicked her out and tell husband to go with her. He doesn’t show you any respect. Neither does she.

Sometimes it really needs to hurt to make space for change. You accepted way too much. Talk to him but make a list of all the things she has done. Don’t let him interrupt you. And then tell him to show you all the things your parents have done to him. I am pretty sure that list isn’t long. Show him how irregular his and his mothers behaviour is.

OP responded:

I don't think so, he seems pretty frustrated since we stopped sleeping together. But he doesn't try to start anything either because he knows that his mother is going to interrupt us anyway. After she interrupts us we no longer continue.

Joshman1231 wrote:

“What are we doing?”

“I’m having s*x with my husband. Come back later or leave.”

Casual accusations of thievery. That one in particular carries latent repercussions if other people hear it. That’s a bell that can’t be un-rung. Then s**t talking the food. Yeah you did the right thing. That living arrangement is a nightmare. This is how people end up with anxiety, depression, or divorce. Usually all three.

DoctorGuvnor wrote:

Does he really expect you to tolerate this until she dies? If so, don't go back - it's soul destroying. If he moves her out and pretty far away (not next door, for example) you can consider going back.

JamilViper_Nrc wrote:

Tell hubby he has two choices. Be married to you or married to mommy.

Mysterious_Nebula_96 wrote:

This is a husband problem. If he isn’t husband enough to put a stop to this ridiculousness with his mother, let her have him maybe then they can fulfill their super weird emotional incest she’s got going on. If my MIL interrupted s*x just once that would be enough for my husband to put a very strong and hard boundary.

It’s the BARE MINIMUM! He’s supposed to defend you!

Girl, stay with your parents. Until you have an apology from MIL, an empty flat, and a husband willing to make it up to you for putting you in that position, don’t budge. Respect yourself even if others won’t. You are worth it.

Spicymcdonaldssoda wrote:

Keep your foot down. Unfortunately for us DILs with empathy, we tend to give people more than they deserve to try and prove we support husbands relationships with family but that often ends up backfiring bc those people will take advantage.

I've unfortunately learned the hard way that people like that are a black hole and whatever you do to foster healthy relationships will never be enough, even if it means you violate your own boundaries to try and make them see that you care about being a part of their family.

Please choose yourself first and tell your husband's mom that she needs to fine other living arrangements! It seems like this woman has taken enough of your peace.

Sugar_Mama76 wrote:

You either make this the hill to die on or plan to be treated like crap for the rest of your MILs life. She’s made it clear you stole her baby so that means you’re a bad person. You will be degraded every chance possible. Terrible cook, housekeeper, you steal, bad mother (if she lets you have sex enough to procreate), bad wife, horrible everything.

So hubs has to make this decision. Either he wants to be a husband or mommy's wittle boy. If he wants to be a husband, 1) he has to stand up for you EVERY TIME she says something nasty, passive aggressive or offensive towards you, and...

2) She’s out of your apartment and you change the locks. If he’s not willing to agree to those terms, then girl, run. Do not waste 20 years of your life being degraded because the person that vowed to be your partner can’t be bother to be an adult.

A month later, OP shared an update.

Hello good evening Thank you all for your advice and comments, I tried to read them all. I wanted to give you a little update. I returned with my husband last Thursday. While I lived with my parents we were talking and seeing each other. The first time I agreed to talk to him I told him that he really had to do something about his mother because our relationship was going down the drain.

He kicked his mother out. She didn't take it so well. Remember how I told you she wanted to sell her house? Well, she actually did, she put her house up for sale. What surprised me so much is that she listed her house for sale at well below the average cost considering where that house is located. Apparently she was about to close the deal with some potential buyers.

She hasn't communicated with anyone since she left. We also don't know if she returned to her house. And now everything is fine. My husband also thanked me because he couldn't stand having his mother in our apartment anymore.

I also made it very clear to my husband that if his mother had behaved differently I would never really have minded if she stayed with us. I feel a little bad for her but she really brought it on herself, I was always kind despite her treatment. Thanks guys for your comments and advice.

The internet was happy to hear an update.

strangegays wrote:

Glad your husband backed you up. Here’s hoping he continues to hold the line.

Affectionate_Fee-304 wrote:

OP, I'm glad your husband stuck up for you; it's just s-ty that it took you leaving to make it happen. Here's hoping he stays his ground when it comes to his mother in the future. Honestly, if my MIL had been like this to me in my personal dwelling; I would've packed her shit myself and told her to gtfo and not come back. No f-ks given if she had a place to stay after she's out my door.

Alpaca_Princess_ wrote:

Congrats on having an actual healthy relationship with your husband 💖 for once one of these had an update that turned out for the best. I hope you two have a nice quiet year ahead with no unwelcome invaders.

Aromatic_Clue1197 wrote:

I'm glad he backed you up cause damn. A grown a-- woman asking a couple who is making love, what are you guys doing like a little curious kid lmaoo. 🤣🤣🤣

Upstairs_Cause5735 wrote:

Glad to read this! I had followed the 1st one! Now, lock the doors, be naked in your own house as you see fit. Eat & enjoy the food you make. Enjoy life and being married. In case your hubs gets sucked back into her drama, remind him of how miserable you both were. Remind him that there are not to be 2 queens in the castle.

Mom can be invited over, with some general rules and expectations in place and clearly spoken to her, preferably by your hubs. His mom. When difficult conversations needs to be said to our moms...hubs does his, I do mine 🙂 That's what works for us. 21 years married. 💞💞💞😭

Seven months later, OP jumped on with another update.

Hello, it has been several months since the last update. Long story short, my mother-in-law returned to our apartment. After my husband kicked her out she didn't contact us for about 2 months. Then she began to resume communication with my husband.

Three months ago we received the news that my mother-in-law was diagnosed with stage 4 stomach cancer. My husband asked me to move her mother back with us and given the situation I accepted. But she continues with the same attitude from the beginning. And now it is worse since she needs various care, and I must take care of her.

I quit my job to take care of her full time. We are drowning in debt since my husband's salary is not enough to cover all expenses. My husband suggested putting my mother-in-law's house up for sale again and she refused, saying that it was the only thing she had left and that she wanted it to be my husband's inheritance.

The comments kept coming.

Wise_Entertainer_970 wrote:

Why would you quit your job to take care of his mother? That’s ridiculous. You need to give her an ultimatum. Either she sells the house or she takes care of herself. Why would you set yourself on fire to keep her warm?

HappySparklyUnicorn wrote:

I hate to sound cynical but you are sure she has c*ncer? That would explain the selling of the home but it does conveniently get her back in your home plus she gets you as her personal slave. She may also want to have less money because she has no where else to leave and it leaves her dependent on her your husband.

Disastrous-Panda5530 wrote:

I would make selling her house a condition. If she intends for that to be your husbands inheritance then it shouldn’t really matter if he gets it now. Especially if you’ve quit your job to take care of this insufferable woman. And also, are you sure she has a diagnosis?

I’ve seen other JNMIL claiming terminal cancer to garner sympathy and worm their way back into the lives of those who cut her off. I would be highly skeptical because that sounds a much more likely for not wanting to sell the house.

zippygremlin wrote:

You sound like a nice person…too nice. You quit your job for someone who has been unkind towards you and now you and your husband are setting yourselves on fire by going into to debt for someone who couldn’t care less about either of y’alls wellbeing. (If she did care, she’d start by selling her house to pay for her expenses.) Real family doesn’t ask you to hurt yourself to help them.

Randolla1960 wrote:

As others have said, you need to confirm that she really has cancer and what the truth is about her prognosis. It makes no sense to not sell her house to help you out with your bills. Keeping it while you wallow in debt trying to take care of her and save the house for your husband's inheritance is just plain stupid thinking.

Sources: Reddit
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