'AITA for walking out on my husband because my MIL refuses to acknowledge my kids as her family?'
AITA for getting upset at my MIL for not accepting my children?
Annual-Extension3141 writes:
I have been married to my husband for over a decade. We have a large blended family. My husband adopted my two boys. We all lived together, mother-in-law included. Almost two years ago, I was fixing beds upstairs and heard my mother-in-law talking to her friend on the phone. I guess she hadn't talked to her friend in a long time and she was updating her on everything.
I heard her say that she had six grandchildren and her son married a woman with kids. I was floored. My kids call her grandma and she was nice to them, but I couldn't believe it. She was present at the adoption hearing and acted happy.
I was really hurt and cried to my husband. He talked to her, and she didn't understand why I would be upset because they aren't his biological children. He said they are his kids.
Over the years before this happened, she would always tell me what my kids did. She would never say ours. She also took a picture with her grandchildren and excluded mine. She said she was recreating an old picture, but it included my youngest stepdaughter and my husband wasn't in it. I told my husband it was bulls%#t
She also rewrote her will to include her grandchildren minus my kids after the adoption. I don't want her money, but I was hurt she didn't consider them. She also opened bank accounts for all of them except my kids.
She even opened one for my stepdaughter's child. She told my husband I am the one causing the divide, but my husband and I raise the kids as ours. I took care of his children like my own.
Recently, I had enough and moved out because I don't feel like my kids should be treated like second-class citizens. My mother-in-law is super strict with my children but lets his kids run wild. My children are expected to be well-behaved.
If I say anything, she will lash out. She especially goes after our 14-year-old son who is extremely smart and is in all honors classes with straight A's. If I say the kids didn't clean up their messes, she will say my son isn't perfect and to keep my mouth shut.
My husband is stuck in the middle, but I can't put my kids through this anymore. I just want my kids to have a good life and not be treated like garbage. My kids were 2 and 3 when we got together.
They are 14 and 15 now. Am I the a^#$ole for getting upset at my mother-in-law because I thought we were a family, but I find out we are two different families even after all these years?
OP added some context in a few comments:
hiketheworld2 says:
I’m confused. You say you thought you were one big family and only found out your MIL thinks differently of the kids that aren’t her biological grands when you overheard her phone call.
Then you go on about her treating your kids that you brought into the marriage differently. Which is it?
kiwi62300 says:
NTA. You should always put your kids first but your husband is not stuck in the middle, he is choosing a side by simply not doing anything. Why didn’t he move out with you and the kids? The house might belong to the both of them but that doesn’t mean he has to live there, he has made the choice not to stand up for your family.
OP responded:
He won't leave. He said I overreacted but I just couldn't take it anymore. I was being nit picked and never got any credit for all I did. I couldn't do anything right and I was getting very upset and angry. For my own mental health because my children need me we left. My kids still go to the same school so it wasn't a big change. They can see there dad whenever they want to.
throwawayadwide123:
I recently read a very similar story from a MILs perspective where she painted her DIL as a gold digger who had ill behaved children that smoked and were disrespectful. She said her DIL overheard her talking about how her will wouldn't have said DILS children and that DIL flipped her lid that the kids weren't treated fairly.
Majority of the comments called that OP NTA and that the DIL was a manipulative gold digger. Not sure if it's the same MIL, but the kids ages and the stories are very similar sounding.
OP responded:
Wow I can say that's not me. My kids don't smoke and my one son is an honor roll student who is very respectful and my other son is autistic and non verbal. I'm definitely not a gold digger because my husband isn't rich by no means. I don't yell because I have sensory issues. I would love to read that post.
DJ4116 says:
YTA (You're the A^@#ole). I feel like if your husband adopted them, then they’re his kids….but that doesn’t mean his family has to see them as any relation to them.
I don’t see why it’s so surprising that his family doesn’t see them as their relatives in any way. Your kids certainly aren’t entitled to anything belonging to your husband’s family (like their inheritance) just because your husband decided to make them his kids. If anything, your husband would need to be the one to leave them something since he was the one who chose to adopt them.
I have extended family members that have adopted and I don’t view the adopted kids as my family. That was a personal choice they made. To each their own though.
What do you think?